avoidable will change to a safe type, but it will take some time and some skills.
If you only pursue fast intimacy with avoidance, but do not pay attention to methods, and cannot accept his avoidance mode, then no matter how much emotion you invest, you may not be able to turn the avoidance into a safe one.
Have seen too many partners of avoidant attachments. They are very serious about their feelings, but because the avoidant type has never given back what they want, they have conflicts with the avoidant type and they are unable to get together in the end.
and avoidant love are also a self-cultivation.
"I don't know where I didn't do it well. I have been with him for three months, but I am still very avoiding. I always Cold War with him . I really can't continue."
"I have been giving him a sense of security, giving him time alone, and also giving him a lot of help, but I feel that our relationship has always been lukewarm, and I feel that my sense of security is always lukewarm, and I feel that my feelings are not strong."
"I'm very worried that I can't turn it around. What should I do if I get married like this?"
Everyone has this idea, all of which comes from expectations and goals in their hearts. This is nothing wrong. It is normal for you to talk to the consultant about your feelings. But will you bring your inner dissatisfaction to him?
You are nervous, afraid, and conflicted, and the other party is the same, it is just that he can hide it more than you and endure it more than you.
The only condition for avoidance to become a safe type is to make him feel that he is not stressed by you. In addition, such as being able to chat with you, being able to confess, sharing, etc., are not something you can control, because he may no longer have those behaviors at any time, when he no longer feels comfortable.
So, how is comfort cultivated? It's not enough to rely on you once or twice that you are particularly good to him. Then you are busy with your own affairs the rest of the time. You think this is giving, but it is not in his eyes. The cultivation of comfort depends on your longevity and concentration.
lasting , you need to spend a while every day to spend with him, listen to his thoughts more, communicate with him more about his confusion, and gradually understand his psychological activities and mentality through getting along.
Focus on means that you can understand and understand his emotions and feelings at any time, so that he can get rid of the shadow of being ignored. Even if he does something wrong and is a bit too much, you can focus on him instead of choosing to avoid or oppose him.
If you have raised a cat, you should have similar experience. Only when you feed it food frequently, touch it more, and speak softly with it, can it slowly get closer to you and be happy to be touched by you. If you go kick it, yell at it, then it will definitely run away or look at you with its claws.
so, getting along with avoidant is also the same. You can only accept that he is avoidant, then slowly get closer, pay attention to his feelings and emotions, and when he takes action and gives back in time, it is possible to establish a communication channel with him. With a communication channel, your intimate relationship can be established smoothly.
Never get along with him with the idea of transforming him. Before he fully accepts you, if you want to transform him, it will only make him farther away from you.
Finally, you must also be sure of in terms of time, that is, firmly control the node time at each stage of love. This is not used to require it, but to let you establish a bottom line for yourself. If you exceed this bottom line, your emotions may explode, your patience may decrease, and you need to re-plan your future.
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