As you are just entering a new social situation, have you ever encountered such a situation:
You obviously want to get into your relationship through chatting, and strive for some efforts for performance, promotion and salary increase, but your brain is out of control, and a few simple greetings end the topic.
The relationship has neither been brought up nor the topic is clearly expressed. The final abrupt ending makes me feel at a loss and even want to escape from the scene.
Why do others always have endless topics to talk about, but they can only show an embarrassing and polite smile?
Communication consultant for the Fortune 500 companies and Communication barriers for 30 years in PhD in : "Guidelines for "No Words to Find a Word"" mentioned: As long as you start the right person, you have something to talk about. Although chatting is like the rust water flowing from the newly opened faucet, it is a "pass" for people to start further conversations.
Chat can bring people together, enhance mutual understanding and trust, and help us avoid conflicts, let us understand thousands of people's thoughts and thousands of people's appearance, and can help us establish or maintain friendship.
Since chatting has so many benefits, how can we chat smoothly? The “ARE” code helps you complete this process smoothly.
1. Anchor things around (Anchor) lead to neutral topics.
I wonder if you have ever met such a person. As soon as we met, we started talking about how cute her cats are. I like to pet cats very much. Little do you know that you don’t like cats very much. When you hear her talk about cats, you don’t want to hear them at all and just want to escape. A one-manner chat like
will eventually end up in a bad mood.
Instead of doing this, it is better to start a conversation about something on the scene. The things on the scene are not only unrelated to the individual, not individually invasive, but also not very presumptuous, which is the so-called neutral topic.
Neutral topics are relatively safe anchors. You can express your opinions on anything around you. As long as it is within the visual range of both of you, it can be used as the starting point for discussion.
In fact, you create a solid triangle area - that is, "you", "me" and the object of attention "it", and the third party concerned can make the two parties more pleasant exchange of opinions.
For example:
Today's ginger and jujube tea has warm all over the body. Have you drunk it?
The temperature seems to have risen, is it cold when you come?
It takes less than 72 hours to come to the mall today!
The heating in the mall today is so full, so warm. Is it easy for topics like
to get the other party involved, and it is not personal invasive? This is what is called anchoring things around you and leading to neutral topics. Have you learned it?
Generally speaking, discussing weather is a very safe topic, and it is no problem to just chat about weather at the beginning.
2. Expression (Reveal) Personal opinion related to this topic
With an anchored safe topic, self-expression is crucial to the continuity of the conversation. How does
count as self-expression? You can understand it as self-expression of personal information, that is, priority is given to revealing your personal information, and then asking the other party to speak.
Doing so creates trust on the one hand and polite on the other hand.
Of course, intimacy is your own control, and if you want, you can make all your information public.
For example, in terms of weather,
You can express this way, "The weather is so good today! There should be many people going to see the art exhibition."
's expression actually does not reveal too much personal information.
can actually be changed to an open-ended statement, "The weather is so good today! Such a sunny day is most suitable for outdoor climbing with friends."
's expression not only contains your yearning for climbing, but also expresses your longing for friends. It is also an open-ended topic. Others can continue to talk about the weather topic, and can also extend to a more personal climbing.
Is there any skills in self-expression? Have you learned it?
3. Encourage (Encourage) and ask questions based on the topic.
When we anchor the topic, express ourselves, and hope that the other party can express their opinions, we can encourage the other party to express their opinions by asking questions.
Here we should pay attention to avoid asking questions of "yes/no" type. It is best to ask open questions and challenging questions.
As the useful way of asking questions for reporters is what, why, where and how. Such questions can help the person talking to make a complete response. You are also likely to get more personal information from the other party and the conversation will be smoother.
For example:
(anchor) The weather is good, right?
(expression) I see that many people are still wearing thick clothes, but it is still a bit cold at night.
(encouragement) What do you think?
This is open-ended chat, isn't it as difficult as imagined?
Of course, anchoring, expression and encouragement require a lot of repeated practice to achieve proficiency.
You can first choose to practice in a familiar place. If you really have no idea how to start, you can take a look at this book "Guide to "Seeking for Words"". There are many practical ice-breaking techniques. You can choose the appropriate content and change it slightly, and then repeat the practice continuously.
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