Everyone faces this choice in their old age - should they live with their children?
Some people think it is better to live with their children. They support me in my old age, I help them take care of their children, and can do housework in normal times, which has relieved their life pressure.
and Some people believe that living with their children will definitely cause major conflicts one day. It is better to keep a distance from them as soon as possible to reduce the probability of conflicts and give the family a quiet place.
After all, living with your children has certain benefits, but there are also certain risks. If you don’t live with your children, your parents feel that no one is with you.
This is the so-called "People have to endure their lives" . No matter how you choose, you have planted a "cause" for yourself. What kind of fruit will this "cause" bear depends on your own blessings and luck.
The so-called "you can't have both fish and bear's paw." Whether to choose a fish or a bear's paw, we all need to weigh the pros and cons. Otherwise, life in your later years will be really hard.
Live with your children, and you will encounter these contradictions.
Contradiction 1: Two years before retirement, your children will be filial to you. Two years after retirement, your children begin to hate you.
From the perspective of human psychology, the "relationship shelf life" between people shall not exceed two years. These two years have passed, the relationship’s shelf life has disappeared, and the situation of mutual disgust has emerged.
I have seen countless families' children, and they will show their parents' faces and do things like "picking bones in eggs". , which not only embarrasses their parents, but also makes them cautious and very miserable.
Contradiction 2: No matter how you take care of your children, your children will feel that you are not responsible enough and thus resent you.
The elderly take care of their children is entirely out of kindness. If the elderly do not care about family affection, then the elderly can ignore their grandchildren and their children at work, so that they can take care of their children by themselves, so that the elderly can live a relaxed life.
However, the elderly have traditional Chinese values family affection, so they will take on the responsibility of raising children for their children. Who knows that the more they take care of their children, the more they are disliked by their children. As long as there is any problem with the doll, children will settle the score with the elderly. Therefore, many elderly people become more and more humble as they live.
Contradiction 3: Your every move, including your living habits, will cause displeasure to your children.
people are old and live in their son's house. They don't know that your daughter-in-law hates you and thinks you are old-fashioned all day long and the hygiene is not very good, which makes people annoyed. And you usually dare not speak out.
You are also puzzled, why do young people hate their sincere parents? The reality is that the older people are, the more they are disgusted with . This is a human reality that no one can change.
If you don’t live with your children, you will gain these two points.
First, the conflict with children gradually eases, and children's attitude towards parents gradually improves.
See you every day, and you will meet again every month or several months. The relationship is different. often meet, and everyone feels tired of it. When people meet less often, they cherish the time they meet.
is like those children who leave their hometowns, their concern for their parents is absolutely particularly strong. The key is not how much they love their parents, but just because they rarely see their parents, they miss them.
Keep a certain distance from your children and try not to meet them often. Maybe your children will be more filial to you and you will be more relieved.
Second, the troubles of two generations will be reduced, and parents and children can have private space.
Children and parents are two generations of blood-connected people, why are there still conflicts? Parents dislike their children, and the children also feel that their parents ask too much, so they start a quarrel.
Take "estrangement" as an example. What parents uphold is the concept of the older generation, while what children uphold is the concept of the new generation. Once the ideas conflict, who wouldn’t be angry?
The best way to prevent conflicts of ideas is to each generation have their own private space. If you live happily in your own world, I can also be content with my own life. Wouldn’t everyone be happy?
Written to the end
Many parents believe that living with their children can be considered happy in their old age. If you live separately from your children, you will be looked down upon and even live like a lonely and widowed person.
Thoughts like this make sense in the past agricultural society. Today, it seems that it won't work. Because of the development of ideas and the change of human nature, the traditional concept of kinship will no longer apply.
Some experts believe that in order to maximize the "compromising benefits", the distance between parents and children should be maintained as a "bowl of chicken soup".
The so-called "a bowl of chicken soup" is not far or close. Both parties do not need to meet often, but they can get together from time to time. "appropriate" is the best, and going to extremes is problematic.
Why do contemporary parents stop even from being "a bowl of chicken soup" and go back to their hometown with their spouse to live?
These elderly people also know that when children grow up and their parents are still by their side, it is not a good thing. They are harmful to others and themselves without any benefit. Since this is the case, choosing to let go and return to your hometown with your wife is the best choice.
people are over 60 years old. You should think more about your future life and don’t let the temporary warmth destroy the relationship between the two generations.
text/Shushan Youlu
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