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text: Shili
illustration: from the Internet
"I am very upset recently because my parents do not agree with my boyfriend's marriage. Because my boyfriend is drunk, they think that his boyfriend cannot marry. But when it comes to drinking, his boyfriend has promised to change it in the future, but his parents don't believe it. Now his parents force me to break up and confess that if I don't break up, they will break up with me and stop caring about me in the future. I really love my boyfriend. What should I do?" Two days ago, a reader friend sent such a private message.
I have a lot of feelings when I saw this private message.
In fact, the author understands the behavior of this friend’s parents very much.
Because parents love deeply, they have far-reaching plans. All their actions are just to prevent their children from being deceived.
For this friend, her boyfriend's alcoholism is actually a potential crisis that has huge hidden dangers to marriage.
Because alcoholics usually cannot control themselves and have poor self-control. Especially after drinking, they will do many outrageous things, so they are often not reliable with alcoholic men.
So what kind of man can’t marry?
When I watched " Roundtable ", I invited a criminal psychologist Professor Li Meijin . Teacher Li said that he has always felt that it makes sense until now: "When you want to judge whether a person is suitable for marriage, ask yourself, what kind of qualities do you want your child to inherit from the other party? Pay attention, it is quality."
If the other party does not have excellent qualities that can be inherited at all, and even has various bad habits, then you must not marry, because such a marriage is destined to harm others and yourself.
In addition, a man who is not worth marrying will give you three hints.
A man who is not worth marrying will give you a hint of temper.
When I was a child, my parents often warned us: in the future, women can not ask men to be rich or noble, but they must require men to have a gentle temper and have no bad habits.
Because people with good tempers will at least not hurt women and can live a safe and stable life.
And those men with bad tempers are often not worth marrying because they can't help but be happy for women and cannot control their emotions at all.
Don't believe that they can change for you, because the country is easy to change, but the nature is difficult to change. A person's nature is formed from childhood to adulthood, and it is not so easy to change.
In addition, a person with a temper that is difficult to control himself often finds difficult to achieve success in his career.
Because of them, they often can't hold back.
Just like Fang Hongjian in the besieged city, "I don't have a big skill and a big temper."
The more capable a person is, the more he can control his emotions and temper, because they don't need to use temper to conceal their weaknesses and bluffs at all.
For men with bad tempers, marriage is destined to be messy.
In a long marriage, because of the differences in their ideas, bumps and bumps are inevitable.
When a couple has conflicts and conflicts, men often only intensify the conflicts and will not solve the problem.
Because they will only vent their emotions and will not put themselves in their shoes and consider the other person's feelings.
They lack empathy and cannot empathize at all.
For women, we should judge whether a man is good or not. Don’t look at how good he is to you when he is good, but how he treats you when he is at the worst.
Because when his emotions are out of control, he is the most real self and can see his attitude towards you.
A man who is not worth marrying, not loving himself will hint you.
Usually, a man who can't love himself often won't really love a woman.
No matter how good he is to you, it just looks good to you, not really good.
They are extremely paranoid and control over love. In order to satisfy their own selfish desires, they can force you by any means, or even hurt themselves to threaten you. People like
are good men to outsiders, but they are just a kind of pain and torment for the person involved, because they are all in your mind and do not allow you to have any of your own ideas at all.
is really worthy of your marriage, but it may not seem that you love you that much, because it will not put you first in everything, will not control you, and will not threaten to kidnap you.
true love is not control, but freedom.
The more you are, the more likely you are to take the extreme route.
Because they often have too strong desire to control, because they often destroy a relationship.
A man who is not worth marrying will hint you with a utilitarian mind.
all say: "Gold has no pure feet, no one is perfect."
agrees deeply about this.
There is no perfect man in the world. Any choice means that you must put down the same price.
Just like "a handsome man is fickle, an honest man has no money."
Men who are too utilitarian often have no loyalty to marriage because they only have interests in their hearts, so they are not worth marrying.
They are eager to succeed in doing things, and they judge everything based on their interests.
people like this are easier to succeed and have more wealth.
But such people are the most unreliable.
They may be able to share hardships with you, but they cannot share wealth with you.
Their standard for measuring everything is profit. Any choice of
is also a consideration of interests.
is like being with your wife, not because of love, but because being with your wife is profitable, helpful to your career, and can reduce the burden on your family.
They will now choose to be with their wives for the sake of profit, and in the future they will also be with another woman who can help him because of profit.
If the person you love can only share wealth and honor but not suffering, find a new love after your appearance no longer becomes a "wife", or say, "Mr. and wife are birds in the same forest, and they fly away when the disaster strikes", then this marriage is destined to be a tragedy.
The most important thing for a truly stable marriage is that no matter the peak and trough, they can play their own roles and assume their own responsibilities.
—END
Today's topic: "Do you think it's right?"
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