Most people with normal mental states will only maintain an emotion for a certain period of time without receiving stimulation from external things.
But in daily life, we will also meet some moody people. These people seem to not be able to control their emotions reasonably, and often bring people a deliberate awkward feeling.
For example, when facing outsiders or in serious work and social occasions, they can always show a warm and friendly side. But when they return home and face their closest family, they habitually show impatience and negative emotions.
Psychologically, this change is called impression management . After all, humans are social animals. In addition to living in their own small families, we also need to establish various connections with people in society.
To leave a good impression on others, these people will be as friendly as possible when they get along with strangers to avoid quarrels or conflicts.
This idea makes them put their family members in a relatively minor position. People who are blindly confident will never give up on themselves for their family members, and they do not need to work hard to maintain their relationship with their family members.
Therefore, when living with family, they always ignore the efforts of others and can only remember the moments when the other party and themselves are in conflict.
From this perspective, these people are not deliberately making things difficult for their families, but just showing their truest side in front of their families. Their quality and cultivation are not as high as we imagined. When we get along with outsiders, these people just put in their hearts and thoughts to be superficially excellent.
psychological defense mechanism : vent dissatisfaction in the heart
There is also a psychological defense mechanism in psychology, which belongs to psychoanalysis theory , that is, the self in the personality structure of Freud .
When this part of our body comes from the self, we perceive the impulses and desires generated by the id, we will have a certain degree of anxious thoughts and try to prevent the id from advancing these impulses.
psychological defense mechanism can help us calm our mood in a short period of time and reduce the sense of conflict and anxiety deep in our hearts.
But this negative emotion does not disappear immediately, it is often vented in other forms. Among them, substitution is a relatively common venting thinking.
Simply put, if we suffer grievances in front of others, we will have the idea of wanting to retaliate against the other party or vent our dissatisfaction. But due to our social status or interpersonal relationships with each other, this idea cannot be implemented or will never be realized in the short term.
This conflict between thoughts and reality will make us feel more anxious and feel helpless. This negative emotion cannot be stored deep in the heart for too long, and they need to find an outlet for catharsis in a short period of time.
Many people don’t realize this, so they often interact with others with emotions.
For example, a father was criticized by the guest's and scolded by the leader while working. He was full of anger and unhappiness, but he could not express it directly to these people. happened to return home at this time. He saw that the child was playing games and did not live according to his own ideas. At this time, the child provided him with an outlet to vent his emotions.
Children are a vulnerable group for fathers, and fathers can release the unhappiness in their hearts on children who dare not resist themselves without any scruples.
Those who are not friendly enough to their family members may often suffer setbacks outside. But this cannot be an excuse for them to hurt their families. This approach can also indirectly reflect the bullying of such people, fearing the strong.
Personality masks show different personalities
There is also a theory called personality masks in psychology. The rationale theory of believes that everyone has many different personalities, and a mask is a subpersonal personality that exists in the subconscious, or a side reflection of a certain personality of our personality.When we face different people and things, we will choose the right personality to show it.
For example, when we meet friends, we can show our straightforward and cheerful side. When we face leaders and teachers, we can only show our respect in .
It can be said that every mask is a part of our personality, but we are not completely real selves displayed under this mask.
Those who treat their families and strangers with different attitudes simply put on a mask when facing strangers and use this unreal personality to maintain their social relationships.
This behavior is still of some significance from a psychological and sociological perspective. It can at least ensure that we can live in harmony with people we don’t like in the process of social interaction.
From an emotional point of view, this practice is not fair to relatives and friends. Even relatives who are more blood than water need to communicate their emotions frequently and follow the most basic interpersonal etiquette.
often think from the other person's perspective, considering other people's feelings before speaking and doing things can reduce many unnecessary conflicts.
Of course, there are also some people in real life who really have low emotional intelligence. They are always self-centered when speaking and doing things, and only know how to consider their feelings.
Even if they get along with family and friends, they will not consider each other's mood and never realize that their behavior is wrong.
If you want them to change this bad habit, you may only be able to learn to think from the perspective of others with the help of time.
I hope everyone can realize this and reflect more on whether your words and deeds are appropriate when getting along with family and friends.
After all, family and friends are the people in this world who are truly willing to get along with us with all their hearts.
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