After cheating, the man said he wanted to return to his family. Should his wife forgive him? This is a question that 90% of visitors will ask me.
Forgive , the thorn in my heart kept piercing , eating will hurt, drinking water will hurt, and even breathing will hurt;
does not forgive, youth and feelings given by , is unwilling to give up, , can't let go of , the child is still young, and he has no job.
How can save marriage and yourself?
The point I keep about this question is: you can forgive and give each other a look. , but you can't let forgiveness become the opportunity for the other party to continue to hurt you.
So first, you cannot forgive easily, and let the other party experience the cost of betrayal of . Second, you cannot indulge the other party to betray again, because repeated betrayal will only make you fall into a state of hijacking .
Why do I say that? Let’s first look at a very typical case.
Su Su discovered that her husband had betrayed her, because she could not let go of her relationship for many years and could not bear to let her children live in a single-parent family.
So in her helplessness, she chose to forgive her husband.
But her forgiveness was too easy for her husband. husband just verbally admitted his mistake and promised not to make it again in the future. This matter will be over for the time being.
The two people did not discuss the betrayal at all, such as: how to make up for the trauma caused to the wife by the retribution, how to eliminate the problems existing between the two at this stage, and how to rebuild the relationship in the future.
So, even though Su Su chose to forgive, there was still a thorn in her heart. When she thought of her husband’s betrayal, this thorn would remind her of the grievances and disbelief.
No matter what her husband does, she will easily think about the bad side:
uncontrollable doubts: Why doesn't he come back tonight? Do you want to check the post?
Abnormal behavior: Why is he so happy with his phone? When he saw me, he turned his body to the side. Is he chatting with another woman again?
The hard-to-avoid Lenovo: Why did he treat me so well suddenly? The last time he betrayed me, was it the same this time?
Her emotions kept getting out of control, sometimes she wanted to quickly get out of the shadow of betrayal, and sometimes she was constantly guessing her husband's various behaviors.
In the continuous denial and suspicion of himself, the relationship between the two has long collapsed, and the husband seems to have shown signs of betrayal again. This time, the husband's attitude has completely changed. He has neither any guilt nor more and more unscrupulous.
But Su Su was always trapped in the shadow of this betrayal. She was neither willing to admit the fact that the marriage failed, nor was she willing to let her efforts over the years be wasted. So she gradually lost herself in pain.
And the more cruel fact is that such sisters are not a minority.
Because he has no ability to forgive, but cannot leave his marriage, when has no choice but to , he can only exchange for short-term peace by easily forgiving the other party.
But the reality is that it is easy to forgive or not, and whether or not to forgive is the beginning of the nightmare .
So, the final form of this problem is not " Do I want to forgive ", but "The other party betrays me, do I have the ability to forgive ? "
Can you fully trust him, don't check your phone, and you won't be the enemy, and you will be the one who is intimately engaged in :
Can you still have no grudges and have close contact with him ;
Can you continue to work hard to help him manage your family ;
You can no longer have any doubts about him in the next few decades of life, because as long as you doubt, the past is like a surging river, coming endlessly, your quarrel will be endless, and your wounds will be ruthlessly torn open again.
If your answer is not OK, I suggest you do not forgive easily, and don’t delay it for reasons such as children. The longer the time, the greater the harm will be.
If your answer is OK, OK, then next I will tell you how to do to really forgive a betrayal man.
1. See the reality clearly, let go of love
It is a fact that a man cheats, admitting his mistakes and returning is the other party’s chance to forgive, rather than directly forgiveness. This family belongs to two people. If he wants to come back, you can’t stop him. Since that’s the case, then when he goes home, it is not related to whether you want to forgive.
If he asks you for forgiveness and he gives, this is his business, and whether you want to accept it is your business.
Don’t think that if the other party gives or shows goodwill, you should forgive him. There is no such thing as this.
Even if you really forgive him, can you forget what happened before and start over with him? Not.
It is not a medicine to save you. Only by letting go can you not care about the matter itself. When the other party asks for forgiveness, it is still far from whether you can repair the relationship.
So at this time, restrain your expectations and never go astray. What you have to do is heal yourself. There is no way to heal you for showing kindness to you. This is a fact and cannot be changed.
So we must learn to divert our attention away from the other party.
You can cultivate your hobbies, improve your work ability, or make a detailed plan for yourself and plan what you want to accomplish every day. Everything must be based on yourself first.
These actions can help you divert your attention and increase your self-confidence. After being cheated, your self-esteem and self-confidence will be reduced, which will have an impact on a person's entire cognition and directly affect your entire life. Therefore, it is important to restore confidence as soon as possible.
2. Grow your own awareness of independence
Disease is a signal to protect yourself, so cheating is a reminder that you should learn to be independent.
: Get up wherever you fall, but after getting up, remember to look at your feet more and improve your self-protection awareness.
cheating cannot be eliminated. The other party is an independent individual, and we cannot stop him from doing anything and make the rules that should be formulated.
For example, you should inform us in advance when you come back; you should have a boundary awareness when you get along with the opposite sex, etc.
If the other party violates the rules, then give the other party a corresponding punishment to increase his cost. The rest is to be yourself.
3. Partners get along with
As for the get along with each other, it returns to the get along with partners. Consider comprehensively, how to do it is good for the children, how to do it is beneficial to the family, and get along with each other like friends.
Ba Chen’s three-character classic can be used, does not blame, complain, do not expect, and do not pay attention.
It will be more difficult to leave in the early stage. You must gradually break through the reasons why you dare not leave and be prepared to retreat at any time.
When you are ready, if you feel that you still can’t accept that the other party has cheated, then you choose whether to continue the marriage. If the other party cheats again, then you can have the confidence to leave better.
If you are experiencing cheating and don’t know how to do it, you must have your own principles and bottom line. Once you break this bottom line, the other party will also step on it.
In fact, everyone is an independent individual and has their own operating track.
The other party cheated, deviated from the right track, and took a wrong path, but we cannot accompany the other party to take a detour because of the other party. We must accompany you to a path of no return. You should have your own life.
Hidden your weaknesses, or strengthen yourself, so that the other party can’t control it, is the way out.
When you have the courage, you have the ability to overcome anything, you will get closer and closer to happiness, and it will be a matter of time before you can repair trauma.
is like the sisters in Baichen’s group, to open up a new career, realize their own value, and make themselves more charming and independent.
Life is always in your own hands. You should be the one who controls it, not let it control you.
When you find the right direction to love yourself, you may be disdainful to live with your cheating husband again. The heights of the two people are different, and you can look at this emotion wisely from a high level.
You can be completely responsible for your choices and bear the consequences. This is the beginning of an excellent beginning.
Finally, Bai Chen wanted to say that there is actually only one way to solve any difficulties. that means seeking inwardly, accumulating your own strength, and allowing yourself to have the ability to turn around at any time
Only when you have the courage and confidence to "dare" can you control your own life. This is the first priority.
When you no longer have anxiety and fear in this relationship, you can make any choice with great confidence.
Marriage serves life, and any choice is to make oneself happy.
But just like Roland Miller said: "No one will meet our needs, no one will make us happy, and no one should be responsible for the injuries we suffer."
can meet your needs, make you happy, and the only one who is responsible for you is always you.
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