There is a word in psychology called "transference", which means that when a person's inner emotions cannot be released, it is very likely to express anger in another way. If you want him to let go, it will not only not be effective, but will worsen your relationship. This is how

There is a word in psychology called "transference", which means that when a person's inner emotions cannot be released, it is very likely to express anger in another way. If you want him to let go, it will not only not be effective, but will worsen your relationship. This is how Mr. Ren, who lives in Shangqiu , is. He became a son-in-law for love, and his father-in-law changed the child's surname without telling him. His forbearance did not win respect, but instead put himself in trouble.

How inferior is a man to be a son-in-law? After reading his experience, it may give you a warning.

Mr. Ren’s family has 2 sisters and 2 younger brothers. The heavy burden on the family makes his parents’ life very difficult.

After graduating from junior high school, Mr. Ren went out to work with the villagers and met his lover Ms. Tang outside. The two cared about each other and became each other's light.

Ms. Tang has two sisters in her family. According to rural tradition, in families without sons, parents will choose to keep a daughter at home, commonly known as recruiting a son-in-law.

How difficult is it to be a son-in-law? The TV series "Son-in-law Comes to the House" has been portrayed that the son-in-law has no status in the village. When a village meets, others are unwilling to let the son-in-law attend. Some people will deliberately make things difficult for you and make you unable to raise your head in the village.

The power of love is huge. When the two were talking about marriage, Ms. Tang tentatively raised this topic. Mr. Ren agreed readily. He said, "As long as you are by your side, you can go anywhere."

So, they held a wedding at Ms. Tang's house, and Ms. Tang's parents also prepared a room for them. When they first got married, the relationship between the two parties was still very harmonious, but as time went by, Mr. Ren found that the taste had changed.

First of all, it is the harshness of the father-in-law.

Ms. Tang gave birth to her first daughter. In order to accompany her more, Mr. Ren decided not to go out to work and stay by her side at home.

He thought it was very simple. He could grow grain in the countryside, and he could also go to the fields to work. Buying less vegetables can reduce expenses. It is easy to work, but having a wife is a big deal and cannot be missed.

Because there is no income, Mr. Ren's expenses will be restricted, and his smoking has been reduced to the level. He can only smoke his father-in-law's cigarette. Once he went to take a shower and was reluctant to burn hot water, so he washed it directly with cold water. As a result, his father-in-law said, "I have no ability, what are you talking about?"

Mr. Ren couldn't figure out why he used soap to take a shower, but considering that the soap was bought by his father-in-law, he didn't say anything.

Secondly, I am not respected.

After the child turns one year old, Mr. Ren takes his wife out to work, and his daughter stays at his mother-in-law's house. They will send some living expenses back on time, and the distance creates beauty. If both parties do not live together, there will be many conflicts.

When the eldest daughter was studying, Mr. Ren was teaching her daughter to write her name, and found that her daughter's name had changed. When she was naming, she put the surnames of both parties in front and then added a character. Unexpectedly, the character "Ren" was lost, and the eldest daughter followed the woman's Tang surname.

Regarding this issue, Ms. Tang’s explanation was that her parents were careless in doing things and said less than one word when registering for a household registration, so that he would not take it to heart.

Mr. Ren didn't say anything anymore. When his second daughter was born, she still used the original method to name her. As a result, the second daughter registered and threw away her surname. Mr. Ren felt uncomfortable. It turns out that his father-in-law did it on purpose?

He raised his own question to his father-in-law, and his father-in-law retorted: " Have you ever taken care of the child? I raised both children, so I can give you the surname any surname."

It is a fact that my father-in-law helps take care of the child, but it is too much to change his surname without discussing it.

For the sake of family stability, Mr. Ren still endured it. He went out to work harder and saved money to buy a house in the city. When he gave birth to the third child, he no longer kept his children in his hometown, but took them with him.

Finally, both daughters have grown up and reached the age of falling in love. Mr. Ren discovered a problem, that is, his daughter is very rebellious and does not consider his feelings at all when doing things. The eldest daughter no longer studies after graduating from junior high school. She met a boy during work. During the holiday, she took her parents to the boy's house to check it out.

Under normal circumstances, if the woman’s parents come to the house, the man’s parents will greet her warmly to show respect, but the attitude of this parents makes people speechless. They have no sense of warm hospitality at all. It’s okay if they don’t buy fish. In their words and deeds, they are still full of indifference to the woman’s parents. means that a girl can marry into her own home, which is her blessing.

Mr. Ren didn't even eat anything, so he turned around and went home. He told his daughter that such a husband-in-law could not marry, and if his daughter was disobedient, she would regret it in the future.

The daughter who was trapped in love was not willing to listen. She shouted at her father and said that no matter what her parents thought, she would marry the other party. Mr. Ren was so angry that he slapped his daughter, which angered his father-in-law. The father-in-law was eager to protect his son-in-law. He also slapped his son-in-law and pointed to the door and said to Mr. Ren: "Get out! Get out of here!"

This sentence was as uncomfortable as a knife for Mr. Ren. He couldn't understand why his father-in-law just couldn't understand the other party. Moreover, there was obviously a problem with the man's family. Even if he was considering his daughter, the father-in-law could not do this.

Compared to this incident, Mr. Ren thought more about the past. He felt that his father-in-law had never looked at him. His family was poor. However, after working hard over the years, he had been able to buy a house in the city and do his best to be filial to his father-in-law. Shouldn't he be accepted?

Mr. Ren couldn't let go of his father-in-law's attitude. He stood up and was about to leave. Seeing that his face was not good, his wife quickly took her son to leave. Ms. Tang thought that her husband was angry for a moment, and when the anger disappeared, she could live her life.

She didn't expect that her husband was so arrogant and refused to go back to his hometown for 4 years. Ms. Tang's parents are old and in good health. They hope that their children and grandchildren can go home to visit them more, but Mr. Ren is very stubborn. He said in front of the mediator: "Even if you die, don't go home. If you have to force me, we don't even have to live with a couple."

Ms. Tang knew that he was serious, but she couldn't understand. She cried and said, " My parents are old, and saying something is a catchphrase. Why do you care about it? Besides, your parents have already let it go, why do you still have to be upset?" html The mediator 3

also advised: "The most difficult thing in the world is to let go. I know you have suffered a grievance, but how many days does the elderly have? You can't let your life leave regrets. Letting go of the past is also letting go." A mediator next to

disagreed. He snatched the microphone and said: "There is a saying in that you don't persuade others to be kind. You are not the person involved. What right do you have to persuade him to let go? Mr. Ren is stubborn because he has never been respected in this family. What he needs is to be soothed, not forgiven."

That's right! People all need to be respected. Mr. Ren’s attitude is not indifferent, but an outbreak of years of tolerance. If his wife can understand him a little more, she will not just stand from the perspective of her parents, but try to understand her husband and persuade her parents.

A psychologist once said: "A person with extreme inferiority will cause extreme self-esteem protection."

Mr. Ren is like this. He has no sense of existence in his father-in-law's house. His father-in-law will not discuss his work with him at all. His father-in-law's children's studies and household registration are all decided by his father-in-law. He is called for your own good, but in fact he deprived him of his right to know.

The experience of this couple also tells us the truth of life. It is not easy to be a son-in-law. If the wife does not know how to understand, life will be difficult. So what should we do if we encounter similar things?

. Strengthen yourself and learn to respect yourself . We cannot control other people's thoughts, but we can control our own life. Even if we suffer hardships when we are young, we have to make more money. A person's financial strength determines his family's status. The stronger your ability, the more respect you will be from your family.

. Live independently and don’t have a dependent mentality. It is undeniable that a man is willing to be a son-in-law because of his or her original family conditions. He or she will have the idea of ​​relying on the woman’s family, but you must understand that in this world, it is better to rely on yourself than on the heaven and earth. Only by being self-reliant can we become the backers of our lives.

3. Communicate well with your lover and let your lover become a bridge of communication . There are some things that you can tell your father-in-law that the effect is not very good and that conflicts are easy to arise. It is better to let your wife discuss with your parents. No matter what the result is, it will not become a conflict in the family, and it will also allow your wife to understand your feelings.

4. Don’t be too tolerant and learn to express your grievances. A person is emotional, either because he feels wronged in his heart or because his wish has not been realized. No matter which one is, if he cannot be guided reasonably, it will become the fuse of family conflicts. Telling the grievances can calm down the mood and reduce conflicts.

5. When you go home to see your parents, don’t force each other to . Some people prefer face and think that if your husband doesn't go home with you, it will make people laugh at you. In fact, face is your own self-esteem. You must learn to give the other person a step, your parents are filial, and don't force the other person with your own ideas. In this way, the conflict may gradually fade over time.

is written at the end:

If strength allows, which man is willing to be a son-in-law?

But this does not mean that the son-in-law should be inferior to others. If a man is willing to take the initiative to live in the woman's house for love, he should be respected.

Everyone has shortcomings. Look at the other person’s strengths more and look at the other person’s weaknesses less. When encountering things, learn to discuss with the other person more. This way, the family relationship can be more harmonious.