The reader wrote to me and said: A few days ago, after I got home with my friend, it was already past in the early morning. Strangely, my wife was still watching TV on the sofa. Her behavior was too abnormal. On weekdays, I often drink. Every time I get home, she has already gone

The reader wrote to me and said:

A few days ago, after I got home with my friend, it was already past in the early morning. Strangely, my wife was still watching TV on the sofa. Her behavior was too abnormal. On weekdays, I often drink. Every time I get home, she has already gone to bed, and I am used to sleeping in the guest room. Q: Wife, it’s so late, why don’t you sleep? Are you thinking about it? Wife: I really have something to tell you. Me: Tell me. Wife: I have had enough of you. Let’s get a divorce. The house belongs to you and the children belong to me. Me: Did I do something wrong? Wife: You are right, but I don’t need a man who can come back more than ten times a month; I don’t need a man who never does housework; I don’t need a man who doesn’t care about me and my children and only gives me money to me and my children.

Me: I have various social engagements every day, don’t I just want to stabilize my relationship with my business partners? Wife: You are probably doing it for your own comfort? Me: I will change it in the future, won’t it be possible? Wife: I'm very disappointed with you. The current situation is that my wife insists on divorceing me. What should I do?

My wife and I are college classmates and couples. After graduating from college, my wife followed me and came to the city where I grew up. After my wife successfully passed the civil service exam, we got married. My current career can be considered as a successor to my father's business. Although I didn't encounter much trouble at work, there were some relationships that needed to be maintained. This is the business or leisure environment here: men often get drunk together; women often get together to play mahjong. Because my wife doesn't like playing mahjong, she is so disgusted with me being drunk frequently. Maybe I grew up in such an atmosphere (my dad often drank when he was young), and I didn’t think there was anything wrong with my lifestyle.

I don’t want to divorce my wife because she is indeed a suitable woman to live; I can’t completely get drunk with my business partners when my wife prevents me from drinking, because everyone looks up and sees each other.

Muzili Emotional analysis:

Because of gender differences, women will naturally hope to be protected by men and cared for by men. Once a woman cannot feel the protection and care of a man in a relationship, the existence of this man has no meaning to a woman. Sometimes, something happens not enough to get a person away from you. It’s just that after repeating something too much, the woman will be disappointed. I believe that your wife must have negotiated with you too many times about the incident of quarrel and getting angry with you. The key is that you did not restrain yourself. When you are disappointed and indifferent, you are the dispensable person to her.

Why did your wife firmly choose to marry far away? The answer is: She loves you and is sure that after being with you, you can give her too much companion. In fact, she felt too much loneliness in her married life. At this time, her longing for her hometown will naturally be very strong, and she feels that living with you is particularly unhappy. A detail: When your wife asked you for divorce, she did not care about property disputes. She only cared about the children, which means that your wife was not a woman who put money first. What she cares about for such a woman is your accompanying her. In this case, you will naturally find a balance in the two things of accompanying your wife and getting drunk with your business partners in your future life.

Regarding the divorce between your wife and you, my advice to you: 1) In the face of your wife's insistence on divorce, please beg for mercy with sternness; 2) The actual behavior you need to pay: you must reduce the number of times you drink and come back late. In your future life, as long as you can make corresponding improvements to your living habits, I believe your wife will give your children face and ensure the integrity of your marriage. If your wife is determined to divorce you, it can only be said that it is your disregard for you, which makes you miss a good woman who is suitable for life.For things like love, it takes two people to be in a more comfortable state together, so that the relationship between husband and wife will show a happier state. If your wife always keeps accommodate you, she will naturally feel particularly wronged.

can understand your local customs very well: men often buy drunkenness, and women often play mahjong. In fact, similar social atmospheres will be shown in many places. Take my hometown for example: I have a friend who is 172cm tall and weighs more than 100kg. Because of obesity, he has been hospitalized several times. For his health considerations, I suggested that he exercise more and quit drinking in the future, but he is lazy by nature and is unwilling to exercise. The key is that he is unwilling to control his mouth. His explanation is that once you don’t get drunk with everyone, your social circle will become single. What I want to say is: Is it worth it if I ignore my own health status or even my family in order to expand my social circle? Regarding friends, just keep a few heart-to-heart talkers. Those who are alienated from you because they cannot accompany them to eat and drink, so let them alienate them.

People do need a circle for their whole life, but there is no need to lose their lover and children in order to cater to other people's interests and hobbies. In fact, your wife does not belong to a mean woman. Her disgust towards you is not because you occasionally drink and come back late, but because you drink and come back late too frequently. Have you ever thought that for your wife who married far away, there are not many people around her who can chat with her, and she will be attacked by loneliness. In this state, she will naturally feel that living with you is boring, and she and you are not the same person at all. In this case, she will often have this reflection in her mind: Since they have different ideas from each other, they may be able to relieve each other if they do not plan for each other.

Ask yourself: Do you prefer to be with friends, or do all your social engagements fall into the category that cannot be rejected? When you think about this issue clearly, you need to remind yourself: people should not be too selfish, especially the feelings of lovers and children, which you need to consider at all times. Ask yourself again: You work hard to maintain some relationships every day, not just for yourself, but also hope that your lover and children can live a more decent life, right? But when your lover and your child are missing at least for company, do you think your lover and your child can be happy? Therefore, when you are socializing, when facing your lover’s nagging, don’t think it’s difficult for your lover to not understand you, but ask yourself if you are a bit too much at socializing?

Postscript:

There are always some people who show good temper and tolerance in front of outsiders, but they lack the minimum accompanying of their lovers and children. At this time, their lovers are not allowed to nag you, otherwise what they get is that you feel that your lover is not polite enough to you. Think from the perspective of others: If the person who doesn’t get involved in the family all day is your lover, not you, what will it feel in your heart? Regarding feelings, people often say that companionship is the longest confession. Ask yourself, is it appropriate to ask yourself if you lack the minimum companionship to your lover?

In the process of managing a marriage, empathy is really important. Unfortunately, many times, we always complain that our lover does not understand ourselves. The key is that you have understood the grievances of your lover? Especially when you get married, you meet someone who doesn’t want your money. You must give the other person the minimum emotional care. If you give the other person indifferent in the emotional field and keep giving the other person money, the other person will inevitably be disappointed in you. Remember, be good to a person, you must be good to him or her.

(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)