Last month, my cousin suddenly told us that her daughter Shanshan had been off school at the end of last year and went to Guangzhou to work with a boy!
When we heard this news, we no longer knew what to do. We were both surprised and expected.
Because this family is not the first time Shanshan ran away from home because of premature love. Since she was in middle school, my cousin has gone to see her many times, so we have already felt numb to Shanshan's behavior.
Every time Shanshan runs away from home, her cousin feels very nervous and mobilizes all relationships to find someone, but every time she finds her, she sends Shanshan to a closed school to boarding.
Her mind is that even if she can’t read it, she must keep Shanshan a little bigger before she can talk about it.
When Shanshan Middle School had first had an early love relationship, she ran away from home, her cousin sent her to a famous military management school in the province.
After reading for a year, at Shanshan's request, my cousin softened her heart and took her home to study.
However, within a few months, Shanshan started to fall in love early again. Not long after, she lived at someone's house. Then, shortly after the New Year, the boy went to work in the provincial capital, and she also went with him without telling her family.
When the teacher came to me, my cousin became anxious again. She searched Shanshan’s teachers and classmates, and then found the boy’s home.
After asking the boy's grandmother about his workplace, he drove to find someone overnight.
After some luck, after finding the person, the mother and daughter had a conversation. After the conversation broke down, my cousin immediately contacted the civil and military schools in other provinces, went home to pack up, went to the school to complete the relevant transfer procedures, and sent Shanshan over.
This time, no matter what Shanshan said, she refused to take her back to study. It was not until Shanshan finished high school and was about to take the college entrance examination that she transferred her academic status home to take the exam.
At the beginning, my cousin was worried, but I didn’t expect Shanshan was very obedient and even her attitude towards her was different. On her birthday, Shanshan bought her a gift, which felt a bit caring and caring.
Amid my cousin's uneasiness, Shanshan successfully completed the college entrance examination and entered a college in the province. She studied the kindergarten teacher major that Shanshan chose herself.
In the first semester, Shanshan not only had excellent grades, but also actively participated in various club activities, and finally became the leader of the art troupe.
During that time, my cousin often told us that Shanshan has really changed now, and she is positive and not the way she was when she was rebellious before.
School starts in September, and the teacher called Shanshan to go back to school, saying that if she doesn't go, she will have to drop out.
Only then did my cousin realize that Shanshan had taken leave of school before the holiday at the end of last year and went out to work in Guangzhou with a boy.
After hearing this, my cousin was so angry that she called Shanshan to scold her. In this way, the mother and daughter quarreled again. The same stubborn two could not convince each other and ended up in a bad mood.
My cousin wanted Shanshan to come back and finish her college studies, but Shanshan refused to do so and said, "You force me to go back and study, just force me to die."
My cousin said, "Don't die all day long, who should I scare?"
Shanshan cried and said, "Who can I scare? Apart from forcing me to study, have you ever cared about what I think? I wanted to die two years ago. How many times I stood alone on the rooftop, I wanted to jump down."
Listening to my cousin saying this, we sisters all felt that the mother and daughter were really the same. Shanshan is completely retracing her mother's path now.
My cousin also fell in love early in middle school. No matter how her family objected, she sent her to a relative's house to study. She climbed the window and jumped off the building and ran back to find the male classmate.
Then she got married early, gave birth to a child, did nothing all day long, and stayed in the mahjong hall. Before giving birth to Shanshan, she was still playing mahjong at the mahjong hall, but in the end her card friend sent her to the hospital.
Shanshan was born, she did not change much. Before the child was over one year old, her cousin took her back to her grandmother's house.
Shanshan grew up in her grandmother's house. Apart from coming back to see her from time to time and bring her some food, she basically didn't take much care of her.
And when she was 3 years old, her parents divorced. Not long after, her mother had another boyfriend, and the breakup and reunion took several years. Although she got married, she also had a divorce every few days.
So Shanshan’s life trajectory is the same as her mother’s, but we all think that Shanshan will do this. Her mother has to bear a lot of responsibility. The impact of the original family on the children is really too great.
In recent days, after reading Teacher Li Xinyi's family education reading book "Let Love Go Home", I have a clearer understanding of Shanshan's affairs.
Li Xinyi is the founder of the brand that Zhonghe Life and Xinyi Psychology. For 34 years, I have been engaged in psychological counseling and research. I am good at using Yijing applied psychology technology, subconscious situational dialogue technology, and family energy analysis technology to deal with various psychological crises and emotions, and help tens of thousands of families improve family relationships.
In "Let Love Go Home", he mentioned that the first reason for early love is: the lack of father status in family relationships, the father is not at home for a long time, or the parents are divorced, or the mother is too strong, and the father has no status in the family.
These states can easily lead to early love for girls, and this early love time is around fourteen years old.
The second reason is that there is no love at home and parents quarrel and fight. Moreover, after the parents divorce, if the mother does not care or care about her daughter, or the stepfather tends to sexually assault her daughter, the daughter will be excluded from the family and ethnic group and no one cares for her, it will cause the child to fall in love early.
Shanshan is like this. She was fostered at her grandmother's house herself. Her parents divorced. She had never cared about her since she was a child and had never felt the love of her parents. The result of her serious lack of love was her premature love again and again.
When her mother found out that she was in love early, she never talked to her seriously, cared about her thoughts, and just blindly blocked, prevented, and scolded her, which caused new harm.
eventually led Shanshan to hate her mother and wished she would never communicate with her mother. She blocked her mother's WeChat and did not answer her mother's phone call. She had an extremely firm attitude and it would be useless no matter who said it.
It is really sad to have a mother-daughter relationship reached this point today, but this can only be said to be the cause planted by my cousin, and I can only taste the bitter fruit by myself.
I really hope that all parents, or those who are about to become parents, can read "Let Love Go Home" seriously so that children can grow up in a healthier family environment, so that there will be fewer children in society.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-