The reader wrote to me and said:
My husband and I met and got married on a blind date. When we got married, my husband was 33 years old and I was 29 years old. We have had a similar view of marriage and love: at the age of marriage, we are waiting for a partner who satisfies us to appear with an attitude of not being too bad than being too bad, but in the end we are too picky and left. There are three reasons why we were able to get married at that time: 1) Both sides were a little disappointed with their parents' forced marriage; 2) Both sides had similar appearance, work, income, and family background; 3) Both sides were willing to compromise on love.
After marriage, life is as down-to-earth as expected. Although there is less romantic factor, life can still be settled. The following year of marriage, our son was born. When my son was in the first grade of elementary school, her husband quit his stable job and started doing business. Maybe the husband is eloquent, maybe the husband has good alcohol tolerance, or the husband has his own routine in dealing with people, so that his husband has been very prosperous in his career in recent years. Under this circumstance, the husband has not escaped the vicious circle of becoming worse.
Today, my husband and I got married for 13th year, my husband made a woman pregnant outside of marriage. The matter between the husband and the other party was the one I learned about when I came to the door to make trouble, because in the past month, my husband took the evasive attitude towards the other party in order to force the other party to have an abortion. The purpose of the other party to visit my family is also clear: 1) Or my husband and I divorce them to fulfill their marriage; 2) Or my husband gives the other party 200,000 yuan at one time, and the matter between her and her husband will be eliminated.
My husband’s attitude on this matter: 1) I never thought about divorced me at all; 2) I didn’t want to give the other party 200,000, so I gave the other party to avoid it; 3) My husband hoped that I could help him settle this matter. To be honest, I feel really uncomfortable when facing the truth about my husband's betrayal of marriage. Although there has never been a strong magnetic field of love between me and my husband, the 13 years of family affection has accumulated between us, which makes me instinctively feel that my family cannot be separated. For this reason, I took the third party to a quieter park, had a calm conversation with the third party, and finally settled the matter with the "100,000 yuan breakup fee". Although I did not file for divorce from my husband afterwards, this incident did indeed hit me a lot.
Muzili Emotional analysis:
Many people will have a specific standard for their partner when they are eager for love. Before they meet someone who makes them particularly like and can break the rules and regulations for them, they will stick to their own standards for choosing a partner and claim that they would rather be insignificant than indiscriminate. It’s just that you are too harsh when choosing a marriage partner, and you will walk on the remaining path. At this time, facing the forced marriage of parents, the siege of peers around me, and their desire for marriage life, I have a new thought about my marriage partner, or I am a little anxious about the marriage. At this time, the views on marriage and love that I had insisted on before would be shaken. At this time, perhaps we should pay more attention to whether it is appropriate to the other party.
In fact, the most important person in life must not be the person who cannot love, nor the person who has loved but missed for some reasons, but the person in front of you. Perhaps the emergence of every marriage is the best arrangement for you. Since you are married, don’t take the so-called unwillingness to ride a donkey and find a horse, but work hard while ensuring the integrity of your marriage. However, some people have this feeling: the person who holds hands with them is not their ideal marriage partner at all. Although their marriage life can be shown normally, they will be a little unwilling to accept it. So much so that while ensuring the integrity of the marriage, I also long to let myself encounter surprises outside of marriage.
does not rule out that during the marriage, some of the opposite sex outside of marriage may have grown up with their own aesthetics, or the other person's personality is more attractive to you, or other reasons, which makes you feel good about it. In this case, you ignore the feelings of your lover and your children and get involved in extramarital affairs with the other person, and even have the idea of divorce for your lover and your lover at the beginning.But at this time, you will feel that there are many things that are tied to when facing divorce, which makes you circulate between your lover and your lover with the idea that you must not be missing from. During this period, you know more and more about your lover and discover many shortcomings in your lover, so that you begin to regret your cheating behavior. At this time, your review of feelings: it is better for a husband and wife to be the original wife.
When you have a relatively tired feeling for your lover, you want to quickly withdraw from this relationship. Or because your lover is pregnant, or your lover falls in love with you and doesn't want to be separated from you. The result that will inevitably be seen in this situation: when the lover faces your escape and neglect, he will have the mentality of ruining you if he can't get you, and shows hideousness in front of you. At this time, there are usually three ways of revenge for your lover: 1) Tell your lover about him and your affairs, hoping that your cheating behavior will anger your lover. If the result of your divorce from your lover is exchanged, he will become your second best choice; 2) Go to your unit to make trouble; 3) Report to you with your real name. Although you think your lover is too terrible at this time, if you didn’t provoke the other person, you wouldn’t be as embarrassed as you are today.
Regarding extramarital affair, the most difficult thing is to make the lover pregnant. At this time, either straighten the other party or give the other party a satisfactory compensation to make the big deal worse. Unfortunately, there are always some men who have done shameful things and are unwilling to spend money to settle them. In this case, you will naturally be dissatisfied by your lover, so you will be revenge from your lover. Once this kind of thing spreads, it will not only affect your lover and children, but will also have a bad impact on your career, especially some well-known people or public officials, who may lose their jobs. I deserve this. At this time, even if you regret it very much, the key is that you have no regret medicine to take.
Here, we also need to criticize the third party involved in other people's marriage: 1) If the other party pretends to be single when he provoked you, there is still excusable love; if the other party provoked you, you know that the other party has a family, why do you still accept it? 2) Once a similar thing happens, many people will point the finger at the party who cheats in the marriage. Don’t you think that third parties outside of marriage should be condemned? People may tolerate third parties with a sympathy with the weak, but don’t forget that in the whole incident, the lover and children of the cheating person are the biggest victims; 3) Think calmly, how can a girl with a slightly more positive lifestyle become a slut in other people’s marriage life? Therefore, in the future public opinion orientation, there is no need for third parties to be treated well.
Postscript:
Two more important things for people in their lives: family and career. In fact, many people are not satisfied with the current working environment, just because they don’t have the courage to quit, or feel that there is no better choice after resigning, so they finally choose to compromise or live a muddle-by-one life. Isn’t that the same with the betrayal of their lover? When facing the betrayal of their lover, they must be unhappy, but because of too many ties and helplessness, they choose to forgive. During the cheating period of post-0, the loyal party often has this kind of entanglement: he is unwilling to face divorce and cannot truly forgive him. At this time, you need to find a third solution for yourself: temporarily put the divorce and forgiveness aside, and focus more on yourself and your children, so that you can have more buffering time. After a period of time, you will decide whether to divorce or forgive according to your inner truth. Perhaps by that time, your emotions will be relatively stable and you can make the choice to follow your inner self.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
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