text | The road is long
Tsai Kangyong said this sentence:
"There is an emotional account between people. Every time you make the other person happy, the deposit is a little more. Every time you make the other person sad, the deposit is a little less. When the deposit becomes zero, that is when the other person leaves."
Feelings don't fade away in a day, and people's hearts don't get colder in a day.
All departures are not done as you please, but because you have accumulated enough disappointment and exhausted your emotions.
Any long-term relationship is inseparable from a two-way journey.
If what you pay for is not the other person’s cherishment, but the natural indifference, then you might as well turn around and leave.
01. Don’t force yourself to integrate into a circle that doesn’t fit in.
We always try our best to blend in with the lively crowd because we are afraid of being alone.
Too strong desire once made us ignore our true feelings, constantly deny ourselves in the group, and lose ourselves.
In the Japanese drama "Calm Leisure", the heroine Oshima works in a home appliance manufacturing company. In order to better integrate into this circle, she does not refuse the requests of her colleagues.
A colleague wanted to go to a friend’s gathering, so he asked Oshima to do the work on the pretext that he had something to do.
Oshima knew that he would work overtime until very late, but he still smiled and nodded in agreement, and ended up being the last person to leave the office.
A colleague asked her to go to an Internet celebrity store to check in. Da Dao was worried that it would cost a lot of money, so she didn't want to go. But she was afraid that if she refused, she would be ostracized by her colleagues, so she finally agreed.
In order to better integrate with them, Odao downloaded various social software. Every time he saw a colleague post a new update, he would always like the other person immediately.
Later, when Oshima was helping a colleague to work overtime, she accidentally saw a WeChat message pop-up on her colleague’s phone. It turned out that everyone had created a separate group to discuss how to instruct her.
Only at this moment did Oshima realize that he, who was sincerely helping, was just a funny clown in the eyes of his colleagues.
Oshima no longer forced himself to integrate into the circle of colleagues, and resolutely chose to resign and go to the suburbs of Beijing to start over.
Da Dao’s experience is like a microcosm of each of our lives.
carefully complied with the wishes of others, but except for aggrieved himself, nothing changed.
Su Qin said:
"When you meet someone who doesn't agree with your own ideas, just put a little distance between them, and it doesn't matter if you are a little colder. There is no need to deal with it. , there is no need to force integration, keep a distance, and live their own lives. In the vast world, some people are only suitable for parallel lines. "
The circles are different, so why force integration? Even if they barely intersect, it is just a show of purpose.
Even if you spend a lot of time and energy, you still can't get the other party to treat you with sincerity.
The best response should be to turn around and leave, neither wronging yourself nor forcing others.
Only by getting rid of the circle of incompatibility can you meet people with the same frequency and achieve a better version of yourself.
02. Don’t force feelings that don’t respond.
The most chilling thing about relationships is that the sincerity you give doesn’t get a response.
If a true feeling cannot be exchanged for even half sincerity, letting yourself withdraw in time is the highest level of self-discipline in relationships.
In the movie "微爱", Shaguo falls in love with the beautiful heroine Chen Xi. Although he knows that she has many suitors, Shaguo still wants to impress Chen Xi through his own actions and make her fall in love with him.
Chen Xi raised a Shar-Pei, but she was unable to take good care of it because she was traveling for work. After Shaguo found out, she took the initiative to take care of the puppy.
When Chen Xi and a group of sisters were singing in a KTV, they were made things difficult by some gangsters. Sha Guo was alone, but he still blocked her behind without hesitation and helped her to stand up.
Chen Xi said he wanted to eat dumplings in the middle of the night. Sha Guo went out to buy flour and rushed to her house without saying anything. The security guard mistakenly thought he was a flour thief and almost beat him up.
However, Shaguo has paid so much, but has never received a response from Chen Xi.
Chen Xi always refuses to reply to Shaguo's WeChat messages. He only replies once in a while, and his words are also perfunctory.
There was a period of time when Shaguo was frustrated at work and was in a bad mood. At this time, another friend fell from a building.
Shaguo, who was hit one after another, wanted to get some comfort and encouragement, so he sent a message to Chen Xi.
Holding the phone in his arms, he looked forward to it, but he still didn't wait for a reply.
Thinking of his efforts and Chen Xi's indifference since they met, Sha Guo finally gave up completely.
He cruelly blocked Chen Xi, decisively ended this unrequited love, turned around, and disappeared into her world.
There is nothing wrong with giving to the people you like, but giving without being responded to becomes cheap.
Not only will it fail to move the other party, but it will be taken for granted by the other party, causing deeper harm to oneself.
writer Lian Yue said:
"Many times when faced with loss or the inhumane loved one, it is an instinctive choice to indulge in emotions and cling to cause and effect. But the final cause and effect can only be that I fell in love with the wrong person, so I fell in love with the wrong person for the rest of my life. . ”
In relationships, we will inevitably meet the wrong person. If your heart is moved, you can have the courage to love boldly and give your heart.
But more importantly, when fate ends, you must have the sense to stay awake and leave.
Only in this way can we say goodbye to wrong relationships in time, protect ourselves from harm, and move forward better.
03. Don’t insist on grievances that don’t go your way.
A philosopher said:
“There is no insurmountable thing in the world, only an insurmountable heart.”
Many times, the more grievances we endure, the easier it is to fall into this kind of emotion. If you can't get out, don't wrong yourself by overly accommodating others.
There is a question and answer on Zhihu: "What moments have you felt so wronged that you wanted to cry?"
Netizen @FuLaoliu shared his experience in the comment area.
She held an event in the store and delivered 200 pieces of fruit with free shipping for 0 yuan.
A regular customer found that the fruit he received was rotten, so he took a photo and sent it to Fu Laoliu, saying that three of them were damaged, and asked her how to solve this kind of bad fruit.
Fu Laoliu patiently explained that because the weather was too hot, the fruits would rot during transportation. It’s just that the fruits are given away through a lottery, so there is no after-sales service.
but promised that the next time she buys something, she can give her more as compensation.
As a result, the regular customer yelled at her, saying that she was a liar and a profiteer, and that free shipping was actually giving them bad results.
Fu Laoliu almost fainted from anger at that time, and felt aggrieved inexplicably.
paid for the labor himself, and the shipping was free, and he didn’t cheat her out of a penny.
didn’t get any thanks, and even became what she called a liar.
After feeling aggrieved, Fu Laoliu decisively blocked this unreasonable regular customer and never wanted to do her business again.
There are many unpleasant things in life, and you will also suffer misunderstandings and grievances. Don't be overly angry, because it is meaningless.
If explaining calmly cannot gain the other party’s understanding, then stop engaging in useless entanglement.
Fall out when it’s time to fall out, and alienate when it’s time to distance ourselves.
The rest of your life is very long, don’t wrong yourself just to please others.
04. Mei Niang said
The famous French Maupassant said:
"Life cannot be like you It's as good as I imagined, but it's not as bad as you imagined. I feel that people are more fragile and stronger than I imagined. Sometimes, I may be so fragile that I burst into tears with just one sentence. Sometimes, I find myself biting my tongue. Teeth have come a long way.”
Life is full of ups and downs. Learn to be brave and don't force yourself blindly for others.
When you encounter a circle that you don’t fit in with, don’t force yourself to get involved. Turning around and leaving is the best way to deal with it.
When you encounter unresponsive feelings, don't force it. Stop the loss in time to protect yourself from harm.
When you encounter grievances that don’t go your way, don’t force yourself to do so. Only by engaging in less entanglement can you keep yourself at peace.
We must believe that the sun will still rise tomorrow and life will still be warm and fiery.
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