01
received a letter from a reader, the content is as follows:
Hello, Fat Fish, I have been reading your story for a long time, and I think you are very kind. I've been very troubled this month and would like to hear your opinion.
My name is Sisi, I am 26 years old, I have a daughter of more than two months, and I am unmarried.
It’s not that I don’t want to get married, but my boyfriend and I have agreed to get the marriage certificate when the child is one month old. It’s just that we will never be able to get the certificate after the child is one month old.
My boyfriend Yang Jun is 15 years older than me, and I met him two years ago. Yang Jun opened a company of his own and had business dealings with our company, and I was the small salesman.
The first time I had dinner with him was when my boss invited him. During that time, my relationship with my ex-boyfriend was at a stalemate. He felt that working in Zhengzhou was too stressful and wanted to return to his hometown to develop.
And I didn’t want to go to his hometown in Northeast China. We quarreled and reconciled, and we quarreled again and reconciled. After the third quarrel, my ex-boyfriend returned to Northeast China by himself, saying that he was tired and let me make my own choice. If I go over there and take the editing exam with him over there, we will get married. If I don't come over, we'll break up.
But I have never thought about it. The main reason is to marry far away. My mother doesn’t agree and won’t tell me, and I don’t know for sure. Go to a brand new third-tier town and start over. If there is no hope for the editor-in-chief exam, will I not even have a job?
My ex-boyfriend and I fell in love on campus. I loved him very much, but after working, I became more and more able to see the reality clearly. I didn't say go to him, nor did I say not to go. I knew I needed to make a choice. In other words, I need someone to stop me from thinking about my ex.
02
After dinner that day, I was waiting for the bus on the side of the road, and Yang Jun happened to pass by. He asked the driver to stop and asked me where I was going, and he took me back. His reason was that it was too late and it was not safe for a girl like me to wait for the bus on the side of the road.
Maybe it was because I was very fragile during that time. His words almost made me cry.
When I asked about renting out my place, Yang Jun actually came along. When I got off the bus, I thanked him profusely, but he said it was a small effort.
Perhaps because of this intersection, it will be much smoother for us to go to his company to discuss business later. Once, my boss asked me to go to Yang Jun's company alone because my child was sick.
However, after talking over there, when I was about to go downstairs, it started to rain heavily outside. Yang Jun gave me an umbrella. It was this umbrella that allowed me to have more interactions with him.
I said, I want to return his umbrella and treat him to dinner. At that time, I didn't mean anything to him, I was very sincere.
Later, he chose a place, but in the end he paid the bill. That day, it was just me and him. Maybe because the atmosphere was so good, Yang Jun drank two more drinks, and he talked more.
He said that he and his wife were not in a good relationship and were getting divorced. I gave him a few more words of advice.
After going back that day, he sent me a message to thank me. And later on, he would send me messages every day. I understood that his marriage was probably not going well, so he was very depressed, and I couldn't help but enlighten him.
03
More than a month later, Yang Jun suddenly told me that he had received a divorce certificate. During that time, he was a little depressed and chatted with me more.
And I also told him about my entanglement with my ex-boyfriend.
I don’t know when it started, but our chat changed. Another week later, Yang Jun made an appointment with me. When we parted that day, he suddenly took my hand and said, how about you become my girlfriend. As for your boyfriend, in fact, the relationship you had in the past was not enough to fight reality.
I didn’t say anything. Yang Jun asked me if I disliked his old age.
I shook my head and he said, that’s good. He would give me two days to think about it.
In those two days, I thought a lot.I know that Yang Jun's financial situation is not bad. Although he is divorced, he still has a house and his career is doing well.
As for my ex-boyfriend, we haven’t said we broke up yet. In fact, we have rarely contacted each other because we have nothing to say. I also know that I have no future with him.
So two days later, I took the initiative to break up with my ex-boyfriend and said that I would never get over it. He wished me happiness in return. I felt like he was relieved.
I decided to try Yang Jun.
I have always liked uncle-type men. When I was with my ex-boyfriend, I always felt that he was not mature enough.
After Yang Jun got together, he was more caring and considerate towards me. He was really a good boyfriend. On weekends, he would also take me around, just me and him. I thought, that's it.
Although this man is older than me, I am very happy with him, and that is enough.
04
were together for more than a year. Yang Jun didn’t mention marriage, and neither did I.
Who knew, I would get pregnant unexpectedly. At that time, I wanted this child, and Yang Jun also said so. However, when I talked about getting married, he said that he had just been divorced and was still a little afraid of marriage.
I got angry with him over this, but later made peace with him. Yang Jun also promised me that when I give birth to a child, whether it is a son or a daughter, he will get the certificate with me.
During my pregnancy, I was in a bad mood and acted pretentious for a long time, and I had more quarrels with him. I could feel that Yang Jun was colder to me than before. The more this happened, the more I wanted to catch him and the more I struggled.
After I became pregnant, I resigned from my job at Yang Jun’s suggestion. He gave me 10,000 yuan a month for living expenses, which also included rent. Maybe it’s because I don’t have a job that makes me think more easily. In addition, I didn’t have a certificate, so I didn’t dare tell my family that I was pregnant. Tang Jun Taking this into consideration, they even booked a confinement center for me in the third trimester of my pregnancy.
At that time, I already felt that there was a problem between me and him, but I thought that maybe everything would be fine after the child was born.
Just after my daughter was one month old, I mentioned marriage, but Yang Jun told me that last month, he had remarried his ex-wife. At that time, I just felt dizzy, how could this man do this?
Yang Jun told me that not long after I was pregnant, his company was not performing well due to the epidemic. His ex-wife's natal family was able to help him, and his ex-wife was willing to help him, so they met again.
Later, in order to pay off their debts, with the help of the elders on both sides, they chose to remarry.
As for my daughter, his ex-wife also knows about it.
05
Yang Jun means, if I don’t want to raise a daughter, he will give me 160,000. His ex-wife is older and likes their daughter very much and is willing to take care of the children.
If I want to raise a daughter, he will not give me any money. He will give me 1,500 yuan in child support every month, and he will not care about anything else.
I am disappointed beyond words. I felt like I couldn't bear it anymore, so I had to call my mother and tell her what happened.
I grew up in a single-parent family. My father died unexpectedly when I was 3 years old. It was my mother who pushed me to grow up. This is also why I am willing to be with Yang Jun, probably because he fulfills the missing part of my father's love.
My mother came over and scolded me severely. After the scolding, she felt distressed again.
My mother’s attitude is very firm. Give the child to Yang Jun and let them raise it. I am still young and have a long life ahead of me. If I have a child, it will be difficult to get married again.
For this reason, I also went to meet Yang Jun’s ex-wife. She seemed very elegant and had a good temper. She said calmly and reassured me that if the child is given to her, she will raise it as her biological daughter.
But, looking at my daughter who is getting cuter and cuter, I can’t bear to part with her.
Now, I'm in a dilemma.
I have also thought about raising my daughter alone.If my child follows me, she definitely does not follow Yang Jun and is materially wealthy. But I can give her all my maternal love, and I feel relieved when she is by my side.
It’s just that a woman with a child will definitely have many difficulties in the future. Not to mention the long-term, but for the immediate future, I have to find someone to help take care of the children before I can go out to work. My mother has made it clear that she will not help me take care of my children as she still has to work.
I have about 100,000 yuan in my hand, which I saved from the money Yang Jun gave me. I thought that if I don’t work for a year, it will be enough for my daughter and I to live.
In the past two days, my mother has been urging me to make a decision early. But I prefer to take care of my daughter by myself.
I don’t know if this is right? Want to hear everyone's opinions.
06
Thank you for your trust!
First of all, I would like to say to the unmarried girls, if a man complains about his marriage in front of you, he is playing the bitterness card. You must be wary of such a man.
Don't think about it, I want to save him. You see, he is in so much pain, I have to help him. Like
, most likely you will get involved.
For example, this is the case with Sisi.
When Sisi was pregnant, if this man was really responsible, he would at least get the certificate from her first. But this man didn't. His reason was that he was afraid of marriage. At this time, it was already clear that he was using Sisi as a spare tire.
Sisi was still not vigilant enough, so she jumped into this pit.
Now, faced with this situation. It is recommended that Sisi consult a professional lawyer. No matter who the child is with, legal protection is a must.
If Sisi decides to take care of the child by herself, there must be a written contract for child support, and there is no basis for words. There is also the matter of registering the children, and where the man's cooperation is required, he must cooperate fully.
When negotiating, if Sisi feels that she can't handle it, it would be better to let a lawyer come forward.
Whether Sisi chooses to take care of her children or not, it is her own choice, and we all respect it. It's just that raising children by yourself will be more difficult and requires more preparation, both mentally and financially. Sisi should also be prepared for this. There is also the issue of children’s education, which must also be taken into consideration.
Fat Fish, what I want to say today is: girls must learn to protect themselves. Whether you are getting married or having children, you must ensure that you are mentally mature. Instead of acting impulsively, for the so-called love, most of them will end up in a mess. What do you think of
? You can leave a message to Sisi!
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