In the past five years, I have moved from the ivory tower to the society. I have been frustrated in the workplace, had some disappointments, and had the illusion of "climbing high". However, there is a huge gap between my ideals and reality.
Lost, failed, disappointed, frustrated, lost again and again.
All my pain can be summed up in two sentences:
"I don't want this, but it's true that I am like this."
"I hope to be like others, but I I can't do that."
Leslie Cheung sang in the song: "I have learned lessons and received the guidance of books, and now I can see clearly and no longer feel trapped."
Faced with the trough, I sought solutions from books and found them. direction of change.
With the expectation of changing myself a little bit, after more than 200 days, I found that my behavior, knowledge, and mentality have all changed.
Instead of being trapped by expectations that cannot be achieved, it is better to change yourself first and live out your own home court.
01
Changes start from "5%"
A sentence we often hear is: I have read many books, but I still have a hard time living this life.
That's because you didn't use the knowledge you learned in the book to bring about a little change in yourself.
In fact, a simple truth is: Do you want to change? Do something! Even if it is a trivial change, it must start with "doing" something.
When faced with a trough, most of the advice we hear is "You can't live your life the way you used to, change your way of living." This kind of advice sounds right but can't be done at all.
No one wants to struggle in the trough. So how to change it?
In fact, the change is simple and easy. Just start with small changes.
So how small is tiny?
means that is insignificant to you and will not cause pressure. You can definitely change .
For example, memorize 1 word every day, read 1 page of a book, and code 1 line of words.
These may seem small, but over time they will have huge power.
Li Songwei, the author of the psychology puzzle book "5% Change", has done research and the results show that: 45% change in html, although inconspicuous, can hardly solve the problem, but is actually appropriate.
Therefore, the smaller the change from knowing to doing, the better. On the surface, the status quo remains unchanged, but in fact, through the small changes, we gain a sense of control.
You only need to make "5% change" and new possibilities will appear.
If we want answers, we have to find them ourselves. Rely on your feet, not on collections, likes and fantasies.
02
The change is to enhance the sense of control
Harvard University psychology professor Langer did an experiment in a hospice nursing home -
divided the elderly into two groups and gave some flowers and plants to each. The first group of elderly people are only responsible for admiring the flowers and plants, and the nurses are responsible for watering the flowers and plants, while the second group of elderly people need to take care of the flowers and plants themselves and are responsible for watering and caring for them.
A year later, when Lange went to the nursing home again, he found that the mortality rate of the second group of elderly people was less than half that of the first group!
Just a small act like watering water has become the key to changing the life and death of the elderly?
Because "watering" actually enhances the old man's sense of control .
The reason why people fall into a trough is actually because they have lost their sense of control over life.
Judson Brewer of Yale University School of Medicine personally tested the effective mindfulness self-control method in his research to enhance the sense of control:
1. Identify emotions. If you are dissatisfied with your situation, realize that it is just a feeling.
2. Accept this feeling. acknowledges his dissatisfaction and understands that it is a reasonable feeling.
3. Observe and study this emotion. Ask yourself from the perspective of a bystander: How strong is your willingness to change? What can it take to change? What exactly do I need to do? Analyze it from every angle. Because the more you analyze it, the farther away you get from it.
4. Separation. After has fully analyzed it, you can easily separate from this relationship.
When we regain a sense of control over our lives, we can change from 5% little by little.
In addition, taking the initiative to help others can also help us gain a sense of control.
03
Change lies in being able to persevere happily
If a person cannot break the vicious cycle after encountering setbacks, it will easily lead to a sad ending - habitual powerlessness. Some people habitually "lie down" even if they can make changes. ".
To break the vicious cycle, in addition to making some small changes to enhance the sense of control, it is undoubtedly very important to persist.
Many times the reason why we cannot persist is that we are unhappy and have not found the meaning of persistence.
shares a story about Luo Zhenyu happy reading:
Luo Zhenyu has always laughed at himself as a fat man who abuses himself and wants to be watched. He posts a 60-second voice message on the WeChat public account at 6 o'clock every morning. After several years of persistence, he has gathered 3 million people. Little friend.
The secret to his persistence in reading is his willingness to read.
If you don’t like a paragraph, just skip it; if you don’t like a book, just change it. Like a child who breaks into a playground, running and having fun, switching between various projects. If you encounter someone you are not interested in, just turn around and leave; if you encounter someone you like, just have fun and simply enjoy the happiness brought by playing.
In this process, the only thing that needs support is the light in the heart: the ability to continue to be aware of the pleasure that reading brings and the improvement of one's own character through reading.
The logic of his "method of falling in love with reading" is -
Action is due to interest. Persevere because you enjoy it. Because of persistence, the rewards are huge .
Claude Shannon, the founder of modern information theory, had an insight:
The amount of information in a thing depends on how much uncertainty it overcomes.
Compared to life, the value of a person lies in having the opportunity to choose from uncertainty. Only with more options can one have the ability to do unexpected things.
Behind every small change will bring new options to life.
Starting from a small change of 5%, by increasing the sense of control, being happy and persevering, you will eventually be able to live your life the way you want.
About the author: A little bit of dust, see the reality clearly, recognize others clearly, face yourself squarely, and become a better self through reading and learning.
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