"If there is a choice, before breaking up, I hope we can sit down, have a good talk, listen to me talk about how much I like him, and then give each other another chance."
When we are in love, we all want to be together, even if we are apart, we must be decent, but the reality is that even if we love each other again, it is difficult to be together well. When we break up, we say The points are divided, and they don't even have the opportunity to speak. As long as the person who has given sincerely is suddenly dumped, he will feel unconvinced, right? Feel wronged, right?
You definitely want to vent your inner thoughts completely. Is there any way?
can only choose stalker.
Don’t you know that stalking is annoying? You know better than anyone that for a person who really wants to leave, a sincerity is a burden. You persuade yourself to forget it every time, but at night, thinking of those beautiful pictures, you still want to give each other a chance.
This is your true mood:
So I always feel that those who criticize stalkers really have not experienced the feeling of being mentally exhausted. When you are full of each other, When he is unwilling to give up, and is afraid that he will find another new love, he can only continue to find hope, to please again and again, with expectations time and time again, and then return again.
In the end, you can only convince yourself that maybe your fate is really doing your best, maybe you really want to let go.
This is the mental journey of most people after breaking up.
The bad guy has also become a bad guy, and the other party is not soft-hearted. In fact, Chen Ge is fair: Since the other party has proposed a breakup and constantly refuses to reconcile, it proves that he does not like you that much. Or put it another way, your value is far lower than his expectations for a future partner, so he can't give himself a reason to look back.
And your stalker will wipe out the other party's last love.
You see, the girl in this screenshot was originally on the edge of blackout. Fortunately, the method was adjusted in time. Good news just came to me:
So if you are sincere If you want to reconcile, you should think of a trick to meet your needs, at least don't let him look down on you.
Friends who often read my articles should know what is meant by " recency effect will be directly determined after the breakup". How he treats you, no matter how loving you have been, will be offset by your performance during this time.
But what did you do after breaking up?
①All kinds of crying, and even threatening each other to reunite with death;
②You are everywhere when you block the house, the company stays, and the WeChat screen is swiped;
③ , I said all promises, but didn’t act;
④ "I really can’t do without you, please come back."I am willing to change everything" has become your mantra.
You think that his heart is too cruel and he really doesn't love you, and your recombination will fail. In fact, it is not.
him His heart is not iron-struck. When he pushes a loved one away with his own hands, he feels uncomfortable. If you can warm his heart in time, the chance of recombination will come. And the reason why you didn’t do it, even your emotions The reason why the type of breakup turned into a cognitive type of breakup is that put his position too low, which encouraged his arrogance and gave him the illusion that "you really don't deserve me".
So the first thing to reconcile is not to pay attention to the other party, but to look at your own heart. Why did you become like this because of a breakup? Why don't you even have the courage to stand up and fight with him in front of him?
a, negative suggestion
Are you worried every day: "Will he bother me?" Has he already had a new love? "But I don't want to admit defeat easily, so I do a compound action with emotions, stepping on the thunder at every step, and directly pushing the opponent farther.
Because your mentality determines success or failure, the more you panic, the more you feel about it. If it doesn’t happen, it will really get worse.
In psychology, this negative mentality is called [ self-efficacy too bad]. Simply put, it’s you The confidence of whether you can use your own skills to complete a certain behavior, that is, when you encounter difficulties, do you have enough confidence to complete the goal.
I understand that part of the reason is because of the compounding. Own pressure,It makes you feel ashamed, but the bigger reason is low self-esteem.
It may be that the other party's suppression of you after the breakup made you start to doubt yourself. Maybe it is that he is an excellent partner and has a place to attract you, but this cannot be a reason for your inferiority.
Why someone can live a free and easy life after breaking up, giving the other person a feeling of "I can live happily without you", but you have been stuck in a cycle of stalking?
Actually, the other party is not as ruthless as you think. You are frightening yourself and setting yourself up one barrier after another. The most important thing to break through is your own "heart defense". ①
b, the discomfort and dissatisfaction caused by separation anxiety
The restaurants you pass by, the songs you have heard, and the stars you like will all remind you of him. Do nothing, look at nothing, close your eyes and memories can come to your heart. Obviously we were fine yesterday. Obviously he promised that I would love me forever. Suddenly these hopes were shattered and he really left me.
This kind of huge maladjustment will cause you to have two behaviors: either you keep staying with him to sense your presence, seeking an opportunity to tell him your sincerity; or you are troubled by your previous habits and happen. I wanted to tell him something that was an interesting thing, I saw a movie, that something that was taken for granted before, but now I can’t find anyone to share your little emotions, so I can only continue to contact him.
The better situation is to black out you directly, the worse situation is to occasionally give you a few words. Yes, you are not mistaken, it is indeed a good ending to block black directly.The kind of people who know that they will push you away one day, but give you hope makes you can’t help but think about it, feel hopeful is the most cruel , because he just responds to you when he’s bored, and But you have to rekindle hope in despair, and constantly consume your confidence in love in the cycle of stalking.
People are easy to rationalize for themselves. After you have gone through these tortures, you will start to make new calculations. All the treatment you have received will drive you to settle accounts with him: "I treat you like this Okay, why are you treating me like this? What do you think? Why are you so ruthless?" Will make you fall into a new cycle.
You obviously can invest this time and energy on yourself, but you want to wake up a person who pretends to be asleep, and you also say that you have paid a lot.
You think you love him, but in fact, these are reflections of your inner desires. He will only think that you are selfish and unreasonable until the other person's real needs cannot be met.
The law of love is always the same: what cause is planted, and what effect is obtained. If you don't work hard in the right place, but jump back and forth where you shouldn't be doing it, you don't even know it. The final result can only be borne by yourself.
So there are two ways in front of you. Either start a real action, don’t let your emotions continue to pull until the other person really gives up; or make the broken love meaningful, use this failure to save For yourself, master the real laws in the relationship between the sexes, and rely on your own ability to create a satisfying intimate relationship.
①Flatten the relationship and reshape the value
What stalker will leave you?
will make you completely lose confidence,And a person who has no confidence will suffer from gains and losses in the relationship, and a little thing can knock you down.
The reason why the other party chooses to break up is because the degree of liking for you has dropped significantly. If at this time, you continue to stand in front of him with a low-value appearance, he will not even bother to look at you .
So, if you want the other person to reconsider being with you, the best way is to attract, not compromise and sum up. Of course, the premise is that you have to complete the value remodeling first to make yourself confident.
Don’t be scared as soon as you hear the value. You think it means material or a major change in life. I often tell everyone in the community that value will not disappear, but will only be hidden.
What I hope you do is not difficult, but it is something most people will ignore, that is: [Make the relationship equal]. What does
mean?
He wants to break up and you want to stay. It is natural that you are low and he is high. You are not equal. Even if the compound is successful in the future, do you think he will treat you equally? He will take you for granted as a spare tire, and you will manage the relationship more cautiously and become less valuable because of fear of losing it again.
So this step is very important. It can not only help you reverse the current situation, but also pave the way for future relationships. So what is the most suitable and equal relationship?
-a friend relationship without demand and pressure.
That is to say, you have abandoned me, I am very reluctant, so I have been stalking, but now I have also abandoned you, we are even, and I will not cross the line again matter,From now on, they will be ordinary friends, and each will be well.
This has another advantage, can stimulate his "unfinished complex" in his heart, he thinks you will always run behind him, and in the end you say you don’t do it. The despised and despised former one turned him into a person not to be underestimated.
②Create a high-quality experience and let the other party rely on you
First of all, you have to understand a misunderstanding. Most of the breakups are because the other party does not love enough. I emphasized it many times. This is very different from "Still in love, but I can't stand your shortcomings".
For example, when you are in love, he sees that you wear a filter and thinks that you are good everywhere. Even if you don’t take a bath for three days, it will be fragrant. When you become more and more familiar with each other later, there will be conflicts. It also highlights that he will no longer have the original impulse and enthusiasm, and will begin to complain about you here and there.
So, after the breakup, what exactly did you do and what desires and needs you have, he doesn't care at all. Change if you want to change, let go if you want to let go, this is your own business, don't try to get the other party to cooperate with you.
If you are still the same as before, and the other party ignores you, you will feel discouraged and continue to ask him why he treats you like this, and then you will fall into the consumption mode of stalking.
Seeing this, some people may be curious: "He has don't care, what's the point of not changing it?"
The answer is simple, because only you have changed.In order to bring him the feelings and experiences he wants, in other words, he doesn't care how you do it, but if you can attract him and you to develop again, it is a shortcut to compound.
This kind of analysis can also quickly find the reason for the failure of the stalker: ①Your contribution did not improve the experience of getting along between you; ②Your so-called change, you only use your mouth without acting.
So what should we do?
-rebuild the sense of dependence, let him only want to rely on you, instead of leaving you easily.
Think about it, a large part of the reason for the breakup, is it not because the stickiness between you is too bad, does he think you are dispensable? If he depends on you enough, how can he keep you out?
So, you need to do a complete review of him, know what he wants, what you can provide, and how to pass it to him, so that he can get used to being with you unknowingly feel.
For example, I helped a visitor to complete this step before. Her predecessor was a very honest and monotonous man, and she happened to be an adventurous and humorous woman. After the breakup, she didn't say anything to ask for peace. From time to time, she chatted with each other about interesting events that happened today, or asked him out to play the latest game like a friend. Within a month, the predecessor started to contact her on the initiative, and he sent her a message and called her if there was nothing to do, and asked her how to make arrangements today.
Do you want to understand? As long as you can satisfy his desires, whether it is a sense of security, identity, or ritual, as long as you grasp his needs, the stickiness of your relationship will be greatly improved.
After all,To recombine this path, I hope that you will walk for yourself. You will become more sober and calm because of this experience, and you will know how to protect yourself in your relationship and fight for opportunities for yourself.
Don’t forget, the reason he left is because you are no longer the one who made him dream about. If you really want to reconcile with him, you should still focus on the most useful place.
Finally, I would like to give you a sentence: "God will not disappoint everyone who works hard. One day, you will be treated tenderly and welcome the love that belongs to you again."
References: ① From the "Yuchen Compound Lesson: Seeing the Root of Broken Relationship and Saving the Lost Love" Section 7: Is it possible for the other party to say that he doesn't love anymore?
Psychological test: test what the former wants to say to you the most
1. Do you quarrel about little things when you are together?
Yes, I often feel tired—2
seldom quarrel about trivial matters—2
occasionally, but you will soon think that you will reconcile 89span_span
2. Are you a person who likes self-reflection and is willing to correct mistakes?
yes —3
no —4
3. Will TA actively tell you its troubles?
I often say —5
Don’t say anything —4
4. Will you tell your parents about your love process?
everything is fine,I often complain to my parents—6
, and occasionally they ask about it—5
hardly to say, nothing to say—5
, 5. Face what you want. How much energy are you willing to spend to acquire?
Everything is my end, it’s mine—7
Try hard, maybe you can succeed—6
, I must try my best to get span90, I want 6. Did you break up because of a third party?
Yes—A
No —7
7. Has the other party actively contacted you after the breakup?
Yes—D
No—C
The full version of the test questions and answers can be obtained privately, you can get a private message
32p2p155. Think a lot.If you have emotional confusion, you can privately write or comment and consult.
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