If your relationship starts to feel like a quarrel-like bad model, you might ask yourself why you keep arguing about the same things?
Arguing in a relationship is normal and healthy. No couple will agree on everything. When things happen, they will cause problems. However, if you find yourself thinking about why you are arguing about the same thing over and over again, this may be a sign of a bigger problem you haven't faced.
If every discussion or quarrel will return to that topic, this may be a more serious problem than you realize.
Of course, you noticed that that topic is quietly entering your daily conversation and causing your dissatisfaction. Do you know why? Have you ever thought about what to do?
Why you have been having the same quarrel
The countless repeated quarrels are usually things in the past. Maybe you talked about it, but didn't come to a conclusion. Or maybe you did, but now you are doubting your decision.
If a little quarrel about taking out the garbage turns into a big quarrel, just like your partner had lunch with your ex two years ago, some things are not said. This leads to resentment and fear for the future.
Many times, these things will lead to more quarrels, because they were initially pushed away. When a problem arises, you hold back it, and it can be covered under the carpet until the carpet is piled up and you keep tripping over it.
When your fears and problems arise, you tell your partner about them, and you will make these feelings public.They are more likely to be resolved quickly and smoothly. When you talk about these things, you will build confidence in the relationship and the other person. However, if you don't do this, it will lead to explosive quarrels, which may cause further problems.
Because you don't want people to think that you are nagging them, or are unhappy because of your partner's friendship with your ex, you dare not mention it.
Besides, your quarrel may be repetitive, but it is only that. You can always say the same thing. Maybe you are not listening to each other's opinions, but constantly blaming each other.
Arguing is healthy in a relationship. When you have been having the same quarrel, it means that the quarrel did not solve any problems. You are not really communicating, but talking to each other.
You must also consider what the topic you have been arguing about. Have you solved it? If your partner cheats and you forgive them, it is not right for them to mention it every time they do something wrong or are angry with you.
If you say that you have finished something, or you have forgiven them, or have put it down, then please really implement it. It is a manipulation and unhealthy behavior to mention past events just to win an argument or make them feel bad.
If you find that you can't actually let go of what you think you can let go, please consider the long-term impact. Do you just need more time, or will this haunt you forever?
Now that you know why you always have the same quarrel, think about how to stop it.
How to stop the same quarrel
To end such a big thing,So that it has permeated all your quarrels, which is not easy. You can't just give up something that is obviously in your mind, even if it is buried behind the scenes.
To stop this messy cycle, stop and sort out the problem. Consider whether this problem is more meaningful than you originally thought, or whether it can be solved together.
#1 Have you faced it? Is this problem you keep appearing in quarrels but never really discussed it? Maybe you are angry with your partner because they never want to do anything exciting. Then you stop talking about it, but walk away angrily until you calm down and move on.
Many of us grew up around our parents. They did not solve problems, but avoided conflicts. This unhealthy mode of communication was passed on to us. Quarrel seems to be a stain on the relationship, so in order to maintain a sense of harmony, many people ignore the problem, hoping that it will disappear. But this method will only lead to festering and make things worse.
In this case, none of the problems were solved, only the topic was touched. Take time to talk and listen so that you can understand each other's position. If you can do this, you can reach a compromise.
#2 Can you let go of the "you are right" or winning mentality? These quarrels will keep coming up because you or your partner need correctness or control. Resolving the constant quarrels requires care and respect. If you only look at the problem from your own perspective, without considering your partner's feelings, things will stay the same.
Willing to pay a little to gain something. We want to save face,So we use despicable means to attack others. We attack our partner’s greatest insecurities or give them an advantage. This strategy makes us less vulnerable.
Whenever we quarrel, we will bring up this sensitive topic because we know we will not be attacked. At least we will not be attacked for sensitive things. These recurring quarrels may indicate that one of you has a barrier to deeper issues.
If one or both of you are unwilling to become vulnerable and truly share your feelings, the real problem will never be solved.
#3 Is this a destructive problem? Maybe when you first started fighting, you thought you could survive it. This is something you can put down. You have been together longer, and you may realize that this is more important than you think, or you have denied it before.
I don't want to say that, but some problems cannot be solved. Yes, couples should be able to have differences and different beliefs in peace. However, there are still too many core issues. If this topic has been brought up all the time because it has had a greater impact on you than you initially thought or admitted, then whether the relationship can continue after such a breakup may be time to make a difficult choice.
Maybe you have different political views and understand each other's views on most topics, but there is a problem that you are not willing to compromise or understand. You can tell yourself that this is not something you have to deal with and forget about it. But if this problem does occur, it may cause irreparable damage.
You have to admit which problems can be faced together and which cannot. Maybe a topic is not worth discussing because you know you will never agree.But suppose this problem is a religious problem. You can have different beliefs, but what about children?
Will you raise your children under two religions? Do not believe in, or choose one of them? Can you make a choice that you can all be satisfied with? This is the question you must answer in the end.
Thinking about why you always have the same quarrel is the first step to stop the same quarrel. Try to figure out why the same quarrels will continue to cycle, which will lead you to a better future and healthier relationships.
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