Can you forgive the "seamless connection" after breaking up?

Reader question: I have talked with my boyfriend for 2 years, I am 30 years old, he is 35 years old, in a different place, but I drove to my city for 1 hour. I was planning to get married this year. In July, I got pregnant unexpectedly, the child was not kept, and I miscarried. I didn't tell my parents about this matter. Xiaoyuezi did it without telling my family.

Because of my poor physique, the recovery period was too difficult. My boyfriend did not come to take care of him. He told me that he would take care of me, but he had to go to work during the day, so he could only come to see me after get off work hours. I didn't go to him, I finished the confinement by myself.

Then we quarreled because I was so wronged and felt that he should come and take care of me instead of just letting me go if I didn't go to him.

I broke up with him, and he came to me 3 times. I was cold because my heart was too uncomfortable and I couldn’t face him at once. After calming down for a period of time, I cleared my mood yesterday and decided to continue. Going down, so we met.

The ghostly looked at his phone and found that he was looking for other people to introduce his girlfriend. I broke up on 8.20, and he started contacting other girls on 8.25.

I'm panicking now, don't know what to do? 1. Break up decisively; 2. Spread it out and talk clearly; 3. Treat it as not knowing and keep going. Can someone like

be entrusted? Hope to be seen by the general.

General Answer:

What you experienced reminds me of a plot in "Friends" that has been controversial by fans so far.

Rachel broke up with Ross after having an upset. Ross had a one-night stand with someone that night. Rachel was very angry when she knew about it and did not forgive Ross. Every time he mentioned this matter, Ross emphasized the sentence We were on the break countless times.

Some people expressed their understanding. After all, they mentioned the breakup. The next minute is free. Just do what you want. Some people think Ross is too scumbag. He just broke up on a one-night stand. He disrespects Rachel and doesn’t care about the relationship. .

This "seamless connection" approach is the easiest to cause double standard.

I will be very angry and disappointed when I take the place of Rachel, and if I take the place of Ross, I will feel that I am not wrong because of the different positions. One is emotional and the other is reasonable. No one can convince anyone.

So, starting from your own feelings, if this "seamless connection" operation will become a thorn that has been stuck in your heart and in this relationship, it is better to pull it out.

But the difference is that compared with Ross, your boyfriend’s operation is more like a scheming, weighing pros and cons, looking for opportunities to reconcile with you, and at the same time looking for the next object "two-pronged", regardless of the result. At least not "going home empty-handed."

In contrast, impulsive one-night stands or unplanned affairs are easier to accept. It is true that some people will have a stress reaction after a negative event such as a breakup, and pull friends to drink, Bengdi, even directly find someone 419.

It can be said that your boyfriend's operations are of the more unbearable kind in the category of "seamless connection", with less emotional drive and large profit drive.

As for his treatment after an accidental miscarriage, it is the same series of incidents- is acceptable in principle but difficult to digest emotionally .

When two people are together, it is certainly not that everything requires the participation and care of the other party. Independent handling is the basic principle, but for more important things like pregnancy and miscarriage, you are very vulnerable both psychologically and physically. is a critical moment. In order to reflect the meaning of "partner" existence.

He was able to participate in the creation of human beings, and he can take care of them. After creating human beings, he needs care and accompaniment, but makes you an "independent woman"? It’s understandable that you can’t accompany you every day, but can’t you take a few days off? Still reluctant to do it?

Your grievance is very reasonable, Your grievance is to remind you that if you encounter similar things in the future, you may still be wronged , so you can choose between 1 and 2, but you don’t need to choose 3.

"Go on" where is it going? Can only go to a dead end. It's better to turn around now, avoid two wrong steps, and find the right way out.

One last word of exhortation, take care of your body and cherish yourself. #恋爱# #分手#