Wen|Zhu Shenyong
A netizen asked me for help. He and her husband started from nothing and their lives have improved a lot, but she always criticizes, complains, and accuses her husband. The two people often quarrel. My husband filed for divorce after coming back from a business trip abroad, and her attitude was very firm. She has been arguing about not wanting to divorce, asking me if there is still room for recovery?
I often hear words such as "room for recovery" and "probability of success for recovery".
You have to calm down first and evaluate what happened to your marriage according to five criteria.
Five criteria for saving marriage:
First, do you have a relationship basis? Is there an emotional basis?
Second, what is the development of your marriage?
If you started from scratch, now you have a house, a car, and children, and your family gets along well, so your marriage is developing well.
Third, how is the satisfaction between you?
How are you satisfied with the material level? How satisfied is the physiological level? How satisfied is the psychological level? If both people have developed in these areas, but are in doubt, it means that your marriage is not doing well.
fourth,Can your past conflicts be resolved?
The main contradiction between you is criticism, complaint, and accusation. This can be reconciled. It shows that your husband's emotional value in marriage is very low, and the psychological energy he gets is also very low.
Your current crisis is that he is forcing you to divorce. He may have an extramarital affair with a woman outside, or he may be affected by any influence abroad, which he finds not easy.
Fifth, do you two want this marriage?
Obviously, you want this marriage. Your husband also wanted this marriage before, but you made him very painful. Now he may divorce on impulse.
Overall, this marriage is worth saving.
We clearly see that this marriage is worth saving and must be saved. Why are we still not confident? Ask what is the probability of recovery?
If your marriage has little room for salvation and the probability of salvation is small, will you get a divorce?
"Mr. Zhu, if you think the probability of restoration is high, I will restore it. If you feel that there is more room for restoration, I will restore it." It becomes me to decide your life or death.
You give up on your own decision. On the surface, you seem to be clever and wise. You should do it with a higher success rate.
is actually that you have been crushed too much in the past,You don’t have self-confidence. You don’t have too many goals set by yourself in your life. They are gifted to you by others, which will cause you to have such problems. Otherwise, why would you give me the initiative?
In the past, you have suffered too many setbacks, denials, and deprivations. As a result, your psychological mechanism is powerless and independent. You especially need the affirmation of others.
On a deeper level, you are unwilling to take responsibility. You did this and found that the effect was not achieved. It was the problem of others.
I guarantee that if you can recover, you will do it. If the recovery is not successful, you will bear the result.
When you understand this problem, let's consider the question of success rate and room for recovery. You need to know whether a thing can be done or not is determined by these aspects.
The decisive factor that saves the marriage:
First, what is the basic condition of this matter, that is, what is the basic condition of your marriage.
You must not be able to build a tall building on the beach, but if you build a small building on the beach and a grass shed, you will definitely be able to build it.
Many people have been married for half a year, or even betrayed after three months of marriage. This kind of person can't hold it for three months. What do you want him to do?
Your marriage has not been more than one year, especially if there is an extramarital affair in a flash marriage, I all suggest divorce, and there is no room for half a dime.
second,The technique of salvation needs to be taught in accordance with their aptitude.
Thirdly, for the method I gave you, can you implement it firmly and implement it in place.
If I tell you what to do, you do not execute it, it is useless.
Only you can listen to it and get it in place. The rest is a matter of time. It takes at least 3 to 6 months to manage extramarital affairs.
If you can't do it, but just want to temporarily solve the anxiety and stress, but just want to solve the psychological problem, then this is not solving the extramarital affairs.
Many platforms teach you to calm your emotions, so that your injuries can be reduced to a certain extent, and you feel that there is a future in your life. As for the unresolved extramarital affairs, they don't care.
Everyone focuses on different directions. I focus on solving problems. They focus on you as a person, some focus on your feelings, and some focus on your mental state.
Fourth, it also depends on the relationship between your husband and your lover and the influence of external third parties on them.
This level also needs to be resolved according to your specific marital issues. There are many factors involved in managing extramarital affairs, which we deal with from a systematic perspective.
fifth,You have to deal with yourself.
All your psychological problems are caused by extramarital affairs. When you go to war, these psychological problems will be resolved.
We will guide you to start the war. You must be firm, direction, motivated, strategic, goal-oriented, and task-oriented. In this process, the problem can be solved better.
Your problem-solving ability can be learned, and you can train it the day after tomorrow. You can do it according to the training method. If one month does not work, just do it for two months, three months, half a year, or even a year, and you will be successful.
If you only want to pass three weeks to succeed, if you do it once, it is a lie. You have to be more mindful. The problem is determined by many systems.
No matter whether you succeed or fail, you must first make it clear whether you want to save your marriage or not.
If you want, let's go to war with extramarital relationships and don't care about the consequences.
You should know that if you meet the conditions for divorce, if you go to war, he will also get divorced. If you do not meet the requirements for divorce, if you go to war, he will not get divorced.
In the final analysis, you have to go to war with extramarital relationships, regardless of the future, regardless of the direction of the cultivation, regardless of whether the seeds you planted are correct.
Author: Zhu Shenyong, Fudan MBA, founder of Marriage Management School, author of the best-selling book "Extramarital Affairs Management"
If you are betrayed by your husband and run away from home,If you don’t know how to deal with it, if you want to ask for help, please send me a private message and I will reply to you.
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