Marquez wrote in "Love in the Time of Cholera":
Compared with the huge disaster in marriage, the daily trivial troubles are more difficult to avoid.
Marriage is life, and life is made up of daily trivialities.
In " Wonderful Story ", Hua Xi once said:
The most difficult problem in life is often firewood, rice, oil and salt; the heaviest shackles are often chicken feathers and garlic.
The trivial contradictions in life are the easiest to kill a person's love and patience. How to properly handle the contradictions caused by daily trivial matters is the key to a long-lasting marriage.
01. How to deal with trivial contradictions in married life?
knows that on , there was a hot question:
married his wife for 2 years. The relationship was good, but recently I often quarrel with my life and I feel no love. Isn’t this a disagreement? , How to save?
There is a high praise answer below:
There is no perfect partner in this world. All good relationships require careful management.The secret of a long and happy marriage is probably respect and compromise in a trivial time.
Indeed, marriage needs to be managed, husband and wife need to respect each other, and when they encounter differences, they need to learn to compromise with each other.
The right and wrong of the family depends on the stand and angle, there is no absolute right or wrong. If the husband and wife have to be true, in many cases they will only win the truth, lose the relationship, and lose the marriage.
Just like a line in " Our Marriage ":
Family disputes, conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the most rare thing is the rare confusion. If you always ask questions like this, the smoke of family discord will always be pervasive.
There is a saying on the Internet:
No matter how good a marriage is, it is to love each other while disgusting and arguing while getting old.
The mediocrity in marriage is often trivial and difficult to escape, and quarrels between husband and wife are inevitable.
Smart couples know how to communicate effectively on the basis of respect and tolerance, and they also know how to actively show weakness and compromise on non-principle issues.
02. Say good not to return to your mother's home during the Mid-Autumn Festival
Netizen Zheng Rui (a pseudonym) these days,Also because of the trivialities in life, quarrels with his wife, and the Cold War to this day.
Zheng Rui was born in a second-tier provincial capital. His wife Cheng Zhi (a pseudonym) is from a small fourth-tier county in the same province. After graduating from university, he was successfully admitted and worked in the provincial capital.
Cheng Zhi's house is about 240 kilometers away from the provincial capital. When they got married, the couple agreed to celebrate the New Year at her in-laws’ house every Spring Festival, and return to Zhi’s house on the second day of the new year until they go to work.
At that time, it was also agreed that every year during the Mid-Autumn Festival, the mother-in-law and her family would take turns, in the first year in the in-law’s family, and in the second year in the in-law’s family.
In the fourth year of marriage, Zheng Rui became a father.
Cheng Zhiping gave birth to a baby boy and added a new member to the family. Zheng Rui's mother has retired and came to live happily to help take care of the confinement and take care of the children.
The mother-in-law also came to take care of her, but later saw that she couldn't help much, and she still had a job, so she left after half a month.
In Cheng Zhi’s family home, there is a custom of making a hundred-day banquet for the baby. When the baby was almost 3 months old, the mother-in-law asked Cheng Zhi to take the baby back to her natal home. The family gathered together to spend a hundred days for the baby.
Cheng Zhi’s unit originally had 98 days of maternity leave. Now she has extended her maternity leave and can take 128 days off. She also wants to take advantage of the maternity leave to go back and live for a few days.
Zheng Rui considered that it was less than a month before the Mid-Autumn Festival and the baby was still young. It would not be good to run around for four or five hours on the road, so he proposed to wait for the Mid-Autumn Festival to go back together.
Zheng Rui said to go back now,Working hours are not well coordinated. After the Mid-Autumn Festival, he takes care of the matter and can take a few days off and stay at Cheng Zhi's family for a few more days.
However, the mother-in-law thinks it is more important for the baby to pass a hundred days.
Zheng Rui can only choose to make concessions. He discussed with Cheng Zhi that it is okay to go back to his family now, but he will not go back on the Mid-Autumn Festival. Cheng Zhi agreed.
Zheng Rui had a video call with her mother-in-law, confirmed the plan, and her mother-in-law agreed.
So, Zheng Rui took a five-day vacation, drove Cheng Zhi and the baby, and spent a few days at his mother-in-law's house. Everything was going well, but on the day of leaving, conflicts arose.
03. The mother-in-law broke her promise, and the man drove away with her 3-month-old baby alone.
At that time, Zheng Rui planned to finish eating and take a rest, then drove on the road and returned to the provincial city.
At the dinner table, the mother-in-law said that Cheng Zhi's cousin would come back for an engagement banquet during the Mid-Autumn Festival.
Both the mother-in-law and the father-in-law are working on the construction site. During the Mid-Autumn Festival, there is not much work on the construction site, at least one month off. The mother-in-law thinks this opportunity is rare.
Zheng Rui refused on the spot, saying that if he didn't return to his mother's house during the Mid-Autumn Festival, how could he break his promise?
Zheng Rui shied away on the grounds that there was no holiday for the Mid-Autumn Festival.Not reconciled, the mother-in-law proposed another plan. She said that she would simply let Cheng Zhi mother and son stay to play, and then take the bus back to the provincial capital after the Mid-Autumn Festival.
Zheng Rui disagreed even more. He drove over by himself, worried that the long journey would affect the baby, let alone let Cheng Zhi take the 3-month-old baby on the bus.
On that day, there were two natal relatives eating together at the dinner table. The husband-in-law drank some wine and joined them, arguing with Zheng Rui.
The mother-in-law asked Zheng Rui to understand the feeling of being a mother. Cheng Zhi was married away from home, and it was rare to go home once... Zheng Rui always felt that things that are good should not be changed at will.
During the dispute, the husband-in-law suddenly became angry and asked Zheng Rui to leave as soon as he wanted to. Zheng Rui was also angry, went back to the room to pack his luggage, and asked Cheng Zhi to take the baby back to the provincial city.
Cheng Zhi refused to leave. She felt that Zheng Rui and her parents were so stiff, how could they just leave.
Zheng Rui didn't say much, and took the baby from her hand and left.
When he walked to the door, my brother-in-law and two relatives came to dissuade him. When Zheng Ruigang hesitated, the husband-in-law was muttering cruel words on the side and told him to get away quickly.
Zheng Rui got emotional, turned around and left. As soon as he got in the car, put the baby in the safety basket, the parent's call came.
was the complaint that Cheng Zhi called to report to them. After his parents asked about the situation, they asked Zheng Rui to go back and explain to the old man, at least he should bring Cheng Zhi back.
Zheng Rui got angry,He didn't want to go back, but just called Cheng Zhi and asked Cheng Zhi to follow him back to the provincial capital. But Cheng Zhi refused to leave.
So, Zheng Rui stepped on the accelerator and left by himself.
04. Respect and compromise are the best way to solve trivial conflicts
After returning home, Zheng Rui did not call Cheng Zhi and her family, nor did he send any messages. He felt that he had done nothing wrong at all. .
Or her parents repeatedly called Cheng Zhi to do her ideological work.
Parents treat Cheng Zhi very well. Cheng Zhi is embarrassed to make them embarrassed. In addition, the baby has been breastfeeding and the brewed milk powder does not like to drink...
The next day, Cheng Zhi sits by himself The bus is back.
After returning, Cheng Zhi had a big quarrel with him, saying that he was unreasonable, did not care about the world, and did not give her parents face in front of relatives.
Zheng Rui was very angry. It was obviously her mother-in-law who broke her promise. She said that she would not return to her mother's house during the Mid-Autumn Festival. Why should we go back?
What makes Zheng Rui most angry is that when he was arguing with Cheng Zhi's parents and was even scolded by his father-in-law, Cheng Zhi hid in the room all the way and did not come out to help explain.
Lin Yutang once said: On the battlefield of life, husband and wife are the best teammates and partners. To the stormy waves of life, rescue each other like left-handed.
Zheng Rui’s approach to Cheng Zhi,Feeling disappointed, he accused me: "You often tell me that the relationship between husband and wife should be in the first place. How did you get to your house to change?" Pay attention to him.
Just two days ago, Cheng Zhi sent him a message saying: "I want to go back to my mother's house during the Mid-Autumn Festival, and I will go back by myself if I don’t let the children take me." Unable to get angry, he replied: "Okay, you try."
After Zheng Rui calmed down, he began to worry, if Cheng Zhi really ignored him and ran back to her family for the Mid-Autumn Festival, would she really end her marriage with her?
Actually, the relationship between the couple has always been good. It is really not worth ending the marriage for this trivial matter.
Zheng Rui posted a post on the Internet and asked: How to deal with the current situation and how to make his wife realize her mistakes?
Writer August Changan wrote in "So Many Years":
People are reasonable when they have no feelings. Emotion is the field of love, not the field of reason.
In married life, most of the trivial contradictions, only stand, there is no right or wrong. Rather than arguing about right or wrong, it's better to think in another place.
otherwise,After winning the battle for reason, but losing the feelings, the gains outweigh the losses.
psychologist Wu Zhihong once said:
What matters is not what happened, but how the other party felt. We must always remember that communication is the most important thing in an intimate relationship.
How to avoid marriage being defeated by life trivial matters? The best solution is to communicate on the basis of respect and compromise with a cherished mentality.
May you also have a happy marriage.
--END--
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