We live in the current society and face many people every day. Sometimes we need help from others, sometimes others need our help, but more often, we will face endless entanglement with some people. They will always ask us to do things that we can’t do or are unwilling to do. But for the sake of face, we sometimes have trouble rejecting others, and we are also afraid of hurting others. What should we do? Let’s take a look at the stories of two of my friends:
I have a friend named Liu Xiao, 26 years old this year, and a classmate of mine who graduated from a school and worked at a foreign company. . Many people think that Liu Xiao is their role model, because Liu Xiao's life is very smooth, coming out of a small county town, can stand firm in this big city. And she has a beautiful girlfriend.
However, Liu Xiao doesn't think so. When I ate with him once, I revealed: "I actually often feel that I am really useless. He said that sometimes he has a disagreement with his classmates and many friends. He didn’t say a few words before he didn’t talk. Don’t look at me. Being gentle, I actually don’t feel better at all! It’s the same with my girlfriend, every time I let her go, but the more I do this, the more painful I am, and I can’t vent it!"
I was surprised, I asked him Why arguing and rejecting them? Liu Xiao said: "Because I am afraid of hurting them, afraid of hurting our friendship. Even if I try to argue, even if I am right in the end, what can be the result? Will they secretly feel that I am too much? Aggressive?"
Look at my other friend
I also have a friend called Zhou Weiguo. This young man also had one thing extremely tangled. After drinking, I said to a group of friends: "I don’t want to go home at all, because my girlfriend is forced to marry me every day. I think I’m still on the rise, and I want to wait until my job is truly stable.No matter how good the wedding is held. However, she pestered me every day and only asked one question, is it possible to get married. I looked at her and didn't dare to tell her to wait for 2 years. Because I know she has her ideas. You don’t even know my pain! "
One of the friends said helplessly: "But, you can't hurt the other person's feelings like this. Have to find a solution. . .
interrupted him for the country: "Not at all, I don't know what to do at all!" Now I can only drink every day outside, just to get drunk, and then I can go to sleep when I go home! "
In fact, in reality, there should be many people like Liu Xiaohe Weiguo. They all have an obvious characteristic, that is, they cannot make a decision. The refusal is not because of lack of rational analysis, but because of fear of harming others. Therefore, in order not to harm others in life, they present an attitude that seems to be acceptable to everything. It is already in their hearts. Imagine a picture like this: once you say "no", then the other party will become furious. Because of this, they have to choose to compromise, and if they choose to agree, they will keep the pain for themselves.
Once or twice, this is not a big deal at all. Well, in life, who has not been wronged a little bit? But we can’t suppress our emotions for a long time like them, even with this mentality. Life, if it continues like this, at the slightest level, you will have no autonomy and will depend on others for everything. At the worst, you will have serious psychological problems, and you will end up hurting yourself
I believe no one will be willing to take this path , Then what we need to do is due to the habit from childhood. When I was young, many things were decided by my parents, so I used to listen to other people’s opinions. If this habit is not changed in adolescence, then in adulthood Later, it will develop into a mental obstacle,So there is a cowardly character.
Yes, you are always worried that rejection will hurt others. This is a manifestation of cowardice, a manifestation of psychological immaturity.
On the other hand, it’s because you don’t know how to correctly refuse to think about it. When you say, "No, everything you said is wrong!" "No! You do it yourself. Eat hard!" How can such an answer not hurt the other party?
So, if you want to change the situation where you don’t dare to say “no”, on the one hand, you must start with habit; on the other hand, you must start with rejection. Get started. We must keep in mind the following points:
Try to change the way to reject
andcan be more relaxed. Reject, so that the other person can feel respected. For example, when you want to deny a friend's opinion, you might as well say: "Indeed, what you said makes sense. But there is a small detail in the middle that we all overlooked..."
In this way, you not only reject the other party, but also use the word "we" to link each other together, which will make the other party unable to feel your hostility. At this time, if we go to talk about our ideas and opinions, it will be easy for the other party to accept them. Similarly, with regard to marriage, if Bian Shouguo in the case can say so, it will also achieve good results: "Dear, I understand your feelings. However, we are still in the initial stage of ascending, and there is no Completely stabilized. At this time, if a big wedding is done, it will definitely cost a lot, which is not something we can afford. Of course, I will not let you down. You fill it up gracefully, my dear, what do you think? In this way, I will always belong to you!" Language like
not only reveals a touch of sweetness, but also explains the reality, and can reject the other half.
understand that there is no wrong reason for rejection
In fact,We have to understand a truth: sometimes even if your refusal is reasonable, the other person is still angry, but it is not your fault. Faced with such a situation, we should not feel guilty, because some people are so unreasonable, such as some girls with "princess disease", or those boys who have been spoiled since childhood. In the face of such people, even though the refusal makes them feel hurt, it is their own cause and not our fault.
For them, even if we refuse to make them unhappy, we should not hesitate. I believe that if one day, when they learn to grow up and mature, and then think back to the various actions they have done, their complaints against you will disappear.
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