The advice of 30+ women is, don’t delay, now is now

Because of her work, Sister Ning has a bunch of 35+ single female doctors around her. I also talked to them about this topic. In fact, they are not really "picking" or "carrying" as many people say on the Internet. Yes, I'm afraid that if I find the other half, my quality of life may not be as good as a single state.

My female doctoral colleague

For example, when you are single, if you want to go out to see the scenery, you can drive directly on the highway and go for a purposeless tour in one direction; if you want to go out to find food, you will randomly draw on the public comment. A restaurant with a lot of praise; I want to revisit the movies I watched in my childhood, so I just soaked in the bed all weekend, smirking with my mobile phone, and no one sees except opening the door to pick up the takeout.

But if there is one more person, you must always pay attention to your own image. My original life in a quantum state has converged to a predetermined result because of the addition of an "observer". It seems that I once had countless ways to go, but now I can only be forced to move in a certain "arranged" direction.

Especially after getting married, your life and dreams may be affected. After all, you cannot be sure what kind of person your partner is. "What if he doesn't do anything in the future, throw the child to me"? "If he doesn't do housework, then I am not as good as a person. At least I can leave the dishes and clothes for a few days without washing when I am alone. Wash it when it’s not pleasing to the eye...", "What if he is prone to domestic violence?" All these questions worry women.

To put it plainly, in the short term, one's life is definitely more free and happier.

But why do 35+ women (I don’t like to use the term “leftover girl, I feel unkind) feel pain and anxiety?

I personally feel that this is because we were born in the atmosphere of Confucian culture and grew up in the East Asian monster house. The process of our growth is to constantly do questions and "roll" in the internal volume process.Therefore, we subconsciously believe that "people who don't work hard and are greedy for pleasure will not have good results and are destined to not get out."

It's like when other girls like to go shopping in my senior year of high school, but I am addicted to playing games, every time I go to the Internet cafe with my family to play secretly, that feeling is really super cool. However, every night, I will feel uncomfortable, and I will continue to condemn myself, "If I spend time on the Internet to read, my grades will not be so bad."

Nowadays, many older men and women are actually like this. Singles are very free and happy, but their subconscious mind is to understand that if they don’t get married all their lives, they may face these problems: their parents are getting old, and they are more and more towards themselves The more desperate you are; there is no way to pass on your own DNA, knowledge and worldview, and cannot meet the basic needs of the "life continuation"; when you are old, no one will take care of you, even if you can earn enough money for the elderly, many things are money Uncertainty, for example, you can’t be sure whether the nanny is really reliable, and when you are critically ill, because no one signs it, the hospital dare not perform major operations and can only use negative treatment all the time.

If you use the theory of and Freud to explain, then "single and freedom" is the id, and "getting a family, raising offspring, and completing inheritance" is the superego. Therefore, this contradiction constitutes the ego and continues to be Punish yourself subconsciously.

At this point, I feel that I am a little bit like Mi Meng and others who are selling anxiety. Originally, I actually wanted to make everyone more at ease...

Here are some of my personal thoughts. , Although I am a girl, I don’t dare to speculate on women’s personal thoughts and receptivity, so if these thoughts are offensive, please forgive me.

My advice to women over 30 is, don’t delay, now (just now, without delay) immediately decide, two ways, to get married or not to get married.

If you get married, give yourself a time period for blind dates. During this period of time, blind dates are the number one priority, more important than work.More than learning, more than all recreational activities. After this time period, no search will be made.

If you don't get married, make a list of the ways you will use to make peace with that "anxious self". For example, if you are anxious about having no children in the future, then you should quickly study the relevant policies, whether it is adoption, artificial insemination in a foreign sperm bank, or Zheng Shuang’s behavior, you should set a time limit for yourself within a few years. Go to mom. If you don't plan to have children, then you must make a complete plan to arrange who will take care of yourself when you are old, and how to persuade your parents and elders to accept this reality.

is purely a personal suggestion. I read feminism-related papers when I was in school ten years ago. My behavior of giving advice to women can actually be included in the category of "male preaching" and is a behavior that does not respect women.

So if you think I'm not good at speaking, just quit and just squirt...and everyone is welcome to express your opinions and share your experience and opinions.