A few days ago, my husband accompanied me to the hospital for a pregnancy test. I had been controlling sugar since early pregnancy, but my doctor diagnosed me as gestational diabetes .
After coming out of the hospital, my mood collapsed, and I cried without holding back.
I thought that my husband would comfort me as soon as he saw this situation. My husband's response to me was indeed disdainful, and even said to me: "Now that the blood sugar is already high, just control it. What's so sad about it, it's really hypocritical."
Because of this trivial matter, I was instantly disappointed with my husband. Why do I only want a hug and a word of comfort, but all I get is the accusation from the other side?
In marriage, why can the partner never understand their own thoughts? Why do two people end in disappointment every time they communicate?
For all my questions, I found the answer in the book "Understanding the Other Half". The book states: "Although everyone needs both intimacy and independence, the general tendency is that women pay more attention to the former and men pay more attention to the latter. At this point, their life trajectories seem to have parted ways."
It is precisely because of this difference that both men and women have different views and reactions on the same issue.
The book "Understanding the Other Half" is written by the famous American sociolinguist Deborah Tynan. The book provides a large number of small scenes in real life to show the reasons for the failure of communication between the sexes and the huge differences . When we read this book, we can always see our shadows in real life between the lines. This book helps us to get rid of the layers of mists between the sexes, so as to establish a more harmonious relationship between the sexes.
Knowing the differences between the sexes and learning to understand and accept them will help us solve the problems in marriage.
01 Intersex dialogue is a kind of cross-cultural communication
Do you have a similar dialogue experience with your significant other?
When a girl comes to my aunt:
The girl says, "My husband,I'm here, my aunt, it hurts to death!"
The boy replied: "It's better for us.
When a girl has a cold and a fever:
The girl said: "My husband, I have a fever.
The boy replied: "Drink more hot water.
When a girl is emotionally upset,
the girl said: "You drink a bar with your brother! Do not bother me! I go to sleep.
The boy replied: "Then you go to bed earlier."
If you are a girl, when your boyfriend responds to your message in this way, your first reaction is to get angry and think that the other party doesn’t care about yourself. What about boys if the girl just wants a little care and comfort Do you not understand if you kill me?
In the book "Understanding the Other Half", the author points out: intersex dialogue is a kind of cross-cultural communication.
if used by women Is a set of language about interpersonal relationship and intimacy, and men use a set of language about status and independence, then the dialogue between the sexes can be called a kind of cross-cultural communication.
Communication is invalid because two people are using their own language to decipher the other's language. Therefore, the communication between two people will never be happy.
When something happens,Ladies are better at paying attention to each other's feelings and emotions, and are good at empathizing with each other, thereby establishing a closer relationship with each other. Men are better at thinking about how to solve problems and express their independence from the perspective of this matter.
Therefore, when the independence of a man competes with the intimacy of a woman, the two will become more intense.
Understanding the other party's "language code" is the beginning of the relaxation of the relationship between the sexes.
02 The key to resolving contradictions in communication between the sexes lies in understanding
Since the communication between the sexes is a kind of cross-cultural communication. The key to solving the problem lies in understanding the other party's language and giving the other party the response he wants.
When there is a conflict between us, if we cannot understand each other, our quarrel will only intensify to the point where it cannot end. No matter how loud we rant and complain, the other party will never listen to your understanding.
If we want to resolve conflicts, what we should do is not to criticize loudly, but to listen and understand what the other person wants to express.
For example:
When a girlfriend gets sick and has a fever, when she pitifully says "I'm sick" to you, she actually wants you to comfort her and feel bad for her.
Don’t be stupid to say "Drink more hot water", but say: "Baby, you are sick, I really feel sorry for you. I will buy you some delicious food later. Make up for it. You have to get better soon!". Although she was not feeling well at this time, her heart was warm.
When your husband comes home from get off work and complains to you that he is tired, you must not say "I am tired too" with empathy. Men prefer to maintain their independence.
You can answer him by saying, "My husband,You can rest for a while when you are tired. But no matter what makes you feel bad, I believe that my husband must be able to solve it.” At this time, the husband will see his wife’s respect for him, which will ease his emotions.
Actually, each of us hopes to get Understanding-I hope that the person you are talking to can understand what we want to express and understand what we mean.
If you want to do this, you must understand what the other person wants to express, and respond in a way that the other person can accept. Positive solution.
03 Only by understanding the differences between the two parties and opening the bridge of communication can we resolve the contradiction
When I quarrel with the other half, the one thing I say the most is: "You don't understand me at all, you do it every time."
I say this for two purposes: on the one hand, I want the other person to know that he doesn't understand me at all. On the other hand, I want the other person to do I can communicate in the way I like to make changes.
But this way not only did not get the other party’s understanding, but it made our relationship deadlock again.
Where is the problem?
Think about it, we We will see that when each of us quarrels with the other half, we will use our own psychology to judge the other party, and hope that the other party can express and change first. And the other party's thoughts are the same.
If we all hold to change others Communicating with the same mentality, it brings endless quarrels again and again.
Everyone has their own unique way of communication, who is willing to be changed by others?
As the saying goes: “It’s painful to change others. Changing yourself is the beginning of happiness".
Rather than both being suffering, it is better to start with yourself. The most realistic way is to learn how to interpret each other’s information and explain yourself in a way that your partner can understand and accept.
1. Understand gender dialects,Correctly interpret the other party’s information
In our interactions with others, we will find that everyone has their own dialect. Some people like to use thoughtful words to care about others, while some people like to show their care by blaming others.
When you accidentally burn your hands when cooking, your significant other may say: "Why are you so stupid? You can still burn your hands by just cooking." When you hear this sentence, you may think that I am all hurt, and you still complain about me. You may angrily argue with the other party.
But if you understand the other person’s speaking style and style, and know that this is his unique "dialect", when you hear this sentence, you will know that when the other person loves you, your heart will be more More feelings will be warm rather than angry.
Therefore, when we understand the gender differences and the way the other person speaks, we can correctly understand the true meaning of the other person instead of accusing and complaining.
2. If you want your partner to understand yourself, express yourself in a way that your partner can understand and accept
Many times the two sides cannot communicate effectively because we can use our own language to communicate. Express your emotions. But boys and girls have very different ways of expressing. If you want the other person to understand yourself, express yourself in a way that your partner can understand and accept.
When I want to ask my husband to participate in the housework, I always said before: "husband, the floor is too dirty, can you drag the floor", he usually pretends that he can't hear it, and continue Playing with his mobile phone.
When I know that the other party needs to show his status and independence when communicating, I will say something like this: "Husband, can you help me take a look? Why did you always drag the floor clean last time? net,Why am I still not clean after dragging it so many times? Can husband help me? ". When my husband hears this, he will come over to help you mop the floor as soon as possible.
Therefore, when there are conflicts and differences between the two sides, we must learn to empathize and try to stand on the other side’s perspective and Analyze this issue from a standpoint and express your thoughts in a way acceptable to the other party. Your partner will definitely understand you better.
When we learn to understand and accept each other, we can make the relationship between the two parties better. Harmony and harmony.
It is a very romantic thing to be able to hold hands with each other and grow old with them. Don’t let communication become a killer that hinders feelings. The book "Understanding the Other Half" provides us with It is a good way to understand the other half and learn how to communicate with each other. Since you love each other, you must communicate with your heart. When you understand each other, you also give yourself to each other, so that your love will be firm and solid. , The mutual trust and integration can be continuously improved, and we can go through life together.
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