Goodbye lover told us: some love is not suitable for marriage

The first domestic divorce documentary variety show "Goodbye Lover" tells about the various problems encountered by three couples who have been divorced, about to be divorced, and who are currently in the cooling-off period of , and how to save their marriage. The various "operations" of the male guests opened my eyes.

1. Zhang He and Guo Keyu: They were married for 10 years, but they were strangers

Zhang He and Guo Keyu, both actors, talked about this marriage, they recalled, I met when I starred in the movie " Perfect Bride", and they all felt that they had reached the age when they should be married, and they all felt that the other party was a good candidate for marriage. So, after more than 20 days of love and marriage, she gave birth to a son.

But soon after they got married, the two quickly realized that they thought they were the right marriage partner, which was simply an illusion. The real situation is disappointing. It is difficult for the two to live together, and they are getting more and more speechless. And at that time, they didn't even know how to communicate well and became more and more indifferent to their married life.

One is the early going to bed party and the other is the late going to party. There is no relationship between the two people who are out of sync. What's more, both are actors. Almost zero communication. The two can't find a common topic, they can't communicate with each other, and sometimes the conversation can turn into a quarrel.

Zhang He and Guo Keyu

According to statistics, among 100 families with conflicts and barriers in marriage, the most conflicting proportion is: husbands and wives cannot speak well, or even take the initiative communication. So how to communicate to heat up the feelings? In fact, two people living together are nothing more than you coaxing me, I coaxing you, speak well, listen carefully, calm but not indifferent, gentle but not cowardly, firm but not tough. Of these three pairs, I prefer this one. In the first meeting after the divorce, Zhang He did not dare to look squarely at Guo Keyu. Obviously, Zhang He also likes Guo Keyu.

2, Wei Wei and Tong Chenjie : One is a husband who is used to being a shopkeeper and a wife who refuses to get pregnant because of fear of widowhood parenting

Wei Wei and Tong Chenjie,Wei Wei is an actor and host; Tong Chenjie is a host and model. Wei Wei and Tong Chenjie have been married for 7 years, and now the biggest contradiction between the couple: Wei Wei wants a child, Tong Chenjie wants Wei Wei to quit drinking. Tong Chenjie said in the show that Wei Wei is her "eldest son". She is afraid that after giving birth, she will be equivalent to the mother of "two children". She hopes that Wei Wei will be more mature. Wei Wei hoped that Tong Chenjie would accept his friend. But Tong Chenjie likes to be quiet, and of course he doesn't accept it. He is drinking again.

Wei Wei and Tong Chenjie

In the show, Wei Wei's phrase "I never cook is because I want to make it for her" "I can do it by Baidu in one minute", not only let him The hot search also made the whole network angry. At that time, a table of people were sitting around and eating happily. They were talking about cooking. Wei Wei said that he knows how to cook. Cooking is easy. Just search directly. What he wants to express is that cooking is not difficult. The key is the recipe. As a result, everyone started to ridicule, saying that according to the recipe, it was not cooking. In fact, no one was malicious, but regarded it as a joke. Even his wife Tong Chenjie did not give Wei Wei face and laughed at him like everyone else. As a result, Wei Wei became angry, with a pale face, put on his clothes and got up and left the table, leaving behind a confused crowd.

Wei Wei was angry and left the scene

He was angry because his wife was laughing at him, which would make him a big blow; how could he not be on my side? And his wife Tong Chenjie simply found it funny. Tong Chenjie’s thinking was clear. She bluntly said that her husband’s unstable mood and irresponsibility made her feel insecure. As a forty-year-old woman, her pregnancy is bound to take a huge risk. Give birth in this situation. At the same time, she also put forward specific conditions, in order for the child to be healthy, Wei Wei must abstain from drinking for one year.Get pregnant with peace of mind.
This is not an unreasonable request, but Wei Wei is unwilling to agree to him. He talks about what his children mean to him, saying that he has no sense of existence in Shanghai, "I want to be connected to the world"... He keeps saying the child It's important to himself, but he shrinks when he wants to sacrifice and drink; he said that he wants children because he loves his wife, but when Tong Chenjie asked him if he could accept not wanting children, "two people are fine", the man just bowed his head and said categorically. Words, no way. He likes to avoid and change the subject when it comes to drinking, and he is unwilling to give in for his children.

In fact, two people who grow up in different environments, no matter how they fit together, they will inevitably have conflicts. When opinions are not unified, different ideas collide, and it is natural to compromise when dealing with contradictions. Therefore, when two people quarrel, one person must admit defeat first, or even apologize. Only in this way can the intense quarrel be put to rest and the emotions of the two people can return to the normal track.

Of course, home is not a reasonable place, and admitting defeat is not a true surrender, but one of them is more generous and cares more about the feelings along the way. When the vigor and enthusiasm drifted away, whether or not each other could meet each other was a test of the tolerance and tolerance of the two people. Therefore, this kind of surrender becomes the most elegant compromise in the relationship, which can effectively make up for the loopholes in the marriage. Just as the famous marriage expert John Gorman advises people, there must be three “nos” when dealing with conflicts: Don’t retreat, don’t respond negatively, and don’t pass negative emotions back and forth. actively, actively and positively compromises and resolves contradictions and conflicts.

3. Wang Qiuyu and Zhu Yaqiong: a couple who have been married, divorced, and remarried together, and now want to divorce and are in the "marriage cooling off period"

Wang Qiuyu and Zhu Yaqiong

this One pair is the one that suffocates me the most: Wang Qiuyu is too suffocating, and he refuses to allocate time to Zhu Yaqiong. He has to book one minute. He has always treated Zhu Yaqiong in a condescending manner, and has always criticized and suppressed Zhu Yaqiong. She smiled at others, but she didn't have a trace of patience with Zhu Yaqiong. She knew the other party's needs in her heart, but never gave it. I know that treating the child well, even if one percent more patience is given to Zhu Yaqiong, will be different results.But Wang Qiuyu is still independent from the world, can't be romantic, can't be ritual, can't be changed. Give others a sense of helplessness that you have borne everything and paid silently. What did you give? Paid your own cold eyes, blow? This was not the case before marriage. After he succeeded, he began to have a stable life. And Zhu Yaqiong has become a tool for her to complete the steps in life. It is firmly controlled, long-term suppression and denial, denial of Zhu Yaqiong's faith, denial of all love, humiliation before others, and slander after others. Since Zhu Yaqiong was 20 years old, during the 19-year period, as always, he has asked for and received no response. He has been asking for and has never received a response. And in the life of suppressing criticism, it will be sooner or later that depression becomes unselfish. So Zhu Yaqiong has always wanted to find herself and become herself. But in 19 years I was turned into this by such an extremely selfish person. It is too bad and not worth it to leave or not. The closer you get to Wang Qiuyu, the more unfortunate you will be, and you will be unwilling to leave. Little girls are really easy to be confused by older people. Stop loss in time is the reason. The longer the time, the more reluctant and reluctant. In front of Wang Qiuyu, the most reasonable saying that I asked you to cook for me is a gift to you has become trivial. I feel that I have to get a response from the other party if I have such a small change. The attitude of turning around helplessly when the woman collapsed, looking for someone who never praised and completely devalued every day is to make yourself feel angry, and has been under the influence of control.

Wang Qiuyu doesn't like Zhu Yaqiong singing

In psychology, there is a noun " Pygmalion effect", that is, praise, trust and expectation. It has a positive energy and it can change people. the behavior of. When a person is praised by another person, he feels the support of the society, thereby enhancing his self-worth, becoming self-confident, self-esteem, and gaining a positive motivation. And try to meet the expectations of the other party. Just like the smart wife and husband mentioned above, only this kind of sincere appreciation and enthusiasm from the heart can truly give each other love and motivation. This is a kind of love for no reason and without any utilitarianism, but it is like the brightest candlelight in life. When he is surrounded by difficulties, darkness, negativity and despair, the candlelight and those words will change. It must be extraordinarily bright and warm.

between husband and wife,All things need to be borne and faced together. As the saying goes, sharing the blessings and sharing the difficulties, the husband and the wife are of the same mind, and the benefits are broken. The understanding of is always more important and more effective than complaining.

Sanmao once said in " The Rainy Season Is Not Coming": "Sometimes, how I wish I could have a pair of wise eyes that can see through me and understand everything about me, including all the splendor and barrenness. Those eyes can penetrate my most essential soul and reach the true self in the depths of my heart. Her words can solve all my confusion, or have a sharp evaluation of what I have done."

These naked needs are how many people spend their entire lives pursuing "I know you". The biggest enemy of marriage is trivial life. Only by redeeming each other and understanding each other can this boring and helpless "seven-year itch" be stopped.

In the end, I ended up with a sentence from the show as a mutual encouragement: partner is our longest coexistence and the most romantic disease.

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