The most difficult problem of extramarital affairs?

Over the past year, there have been ups and downs, but the mood has not completely calmed down or calm.

It has also been ten years since we were married. When I think about it, in the past two years, in the special environment of studying abroad, we supported each other, and we both gave up and loved each other deeply. In the three years after returning to China, they respected each other like a guest, were also confidants, and kept their boundaries very well. In the next three years, there were plans and actions to reorganize the family against all odds, and then succumbed to reality and realized that this road would not work. In the past two years, in my marriage, I have temperature and freedom, and my family is happy. He is single and has been dating continuously. Since June last year, he has a stable partner and has been living together ever since.

We've had a lot of bickering over his new relationship for a year. The main reason is that my heart will be out of balance, with dissatisfaction, jealousy, and bad words. Basically in a noisy, good repetition. I thought about taking the initiative to end it, letting go, but it was difficult to do it. When I am rational, I understand that only goodwill and growth can get me through it all, I understand that he is also a sufferer, and it is also for life, which is the basic need of life; when I am irrational, I really want to ignore it, end with him, and destroy his relationship. .

The mixture of these two emotions is quite tormenting to me. From time to time, I wake up at night, and I always don't understand. Although I also agree with what he said, he has a stable relationship and a family, so we can last longer, but it is always difficult to accept his new feelings in my heart. In fact, over the past year, he also paid more attention to my feelings, and did not ignore me too much.

I think the biggest challenge for me now is to face the question of whether he gets married. On the one hand, I understand that this is the life he wants (he has been single for 5 years, he is 46 years old, he is very persistent in marriage, and he is afraid of worldly pressure); On the one hand, I hate his possible behavior very much in my heart.My up-and-down attitude (reasonable in good times, noisy, fussy and threatening sabotage in bad times, regardless) caused him real annoyance.

has been together for a year, and he said that he did not dare to bring up the topic of marriage, because first of all, I could not pass here, and he talked about it in vain. He said that if he gets married now, I will definitely lose control (actually, I understand that I can accept it. Although I feel uncomfortable, I will not lose control more, because when my heart is the most malicious, I also do not lose control).

Sometimes I think that it can last for ten years, and I don't completely hate each other, and they are integrated into each other's lives. I really don't care about the day and night. I also understand that if I have loved and paid deeply, I have to bear the helplessness or separation of life. I also know that maintaining the status quo, keeping boundaries, and not interfering with each other's lives, we may keep our little world more, which is also a bright or gentle harbor in the troubled life.

But why is there always malice in my heart and it is difficult to accept it? Toss and turns...

Huo Yang:

Two people can accompany for ten years, there must be mutual involvement and attraction, but in fact, no matter how good the relationship outside marriage is, there will always be some frustration, because You don't want to get married in an open and honest relationship, but the other party is single, of course, you also hope that you can get married in love.

The most difficult thing for women to solve in their emotions is jealousy. This problem is a dead end. It can be solved if I write a few words, because when people love in their emotions, they will be jealous, possessive, and uncomfortable, although you also Knowing that you can't control this person's choices, but you still feel uncomfortable knowing something.

So generally maintaining a good lover relationship is that you know what you want to know, and as for what you don't want to know, even if the other party tells you, you don't bother to listen.

There are many, many relationships between men and women. Once they go deeper, they want to intervene in each other's family, life, and even interfere with each other's choices. In fact, they cross the line.

I also received a letter last time, the woman even knew the password of the bank card of the man outside the marriage, saying that she would keep it for him or something, why bother, you are not his wife, why do you need to manage his salary card? ? It's really unnecessary. Maybe at the peak of your emotions, you think this kind of thing is a sign that a man loves you, but in the end, if the emotion is gone, there will be more tearing. Besides, how can you guarantee that you will love this person for the rest of your life?

The relationship outside of marriage should be comfortable for each other, and keep the necessary boundaries.