"A good man cheats, this is the most terrible thing"

fan letter:

Hello Brother Kai, I am 28 years old this year. I found out that my boyfriend cheated at the end of last year. I can’t believe it. We have been together for 7 years. I always thought he was a good man. I didn't expect that he would betray me, which made me miserable.

I have been thinking, is our 7-year relationship can not be worth the trivialities of life and firewood?

I have trusted him a lot in the past few years, and I can see that he is really hardworking and motivated. I deny that he is a very family-oriented man. We have bought a house together in 19 years, would have been married if it hadn't encountered the epidemic.

We are high school classmates. After graduation, I originally went to Hangzhou to work, but because I didn’t want to be separated from him, I went to the city where he worked. has been living together for almost 4 years now.

He has been very good to me and takes good care of me, but I didn’t expect to buy it last year and he would find the opening record in his phone. He admitted his mistake to me, he said that he was a man. Lecherous, can't help but temptation.

Later, I also reflected on myself. During that time, we often quarreled because of financial difficulties.Little cares about how he feels.

The house we bought was decorated by him. It was really hard work. We went to work during the day and went to see the new house at night. During that time, we often quarreled over decoration issues. .

And the most important thing is that if the renovation fund is not enough, he borrows online. I think the interest is too high, so I let him go to his previous friends to pay back the money.

Because we had some money lent to friends before, and now we need the money ourselves, isn’t it a matter of course to go back, so that we won’t be so hard, but he said that friends’ difficulties are not enough. Because of this matter, we quarreled many times.

I found his betrayal, I was totally lost, and I didn’t want to work, and I felt very sad. I felt that I didn’t do anything to apologize to him. Why should I take the pain? He said he would change it. , _Span3span But let me not think that men outside are all good, men are all like this.

And he always said sorry for the girl, he felt hurt to others, so that I admitted my mistake over here, and went to meet her and continue to open the room.

He and I promised to marry me and let me give him time, but I can’t accept it. Why is that girl hurt? Am I not hurt?

Now I am in pain,Our peaceful life was disrupted in this way. I am very conflicted. I think he does not recognize my and respect our feelings. I wonder if he is still worthy of my giving and forgiveness?

But thinking that he has treated me very well in the past few years, can satisfy me, he will try his best to satisfy me , including many things he arranged for me, I am not willing Separate, do we have a future?

Kai Zi replied:

Hello girl, it is really painful to experience betrayal, and I understand your feelings at this moment.

You are sad and puzzled, why 7 years of love can't be enough for life.

But I think you may need to think about another question, what is firewood, rice, oil and salt? Why would it lose to Chai Mi Oil and Salt?

In fact, firewood, rice, oil and salt are daily getting along, that is, the two sides face all the trivial matters together .

After all, only on certain issues, especially economic divergence, can make people feel this way.

look,You also said that he treats you very well and takes good care of you. He will satisfy you as much as possible when you are together, and will make arrangements for you with many things.

From this point of view, you recognize him very much, that is to say, he has nothing to say about your kindness.

Then he treated you so well, how did you treat him? Is it possible that you have a problem with his attitude and mode?

Let’s take a look.

Your conflict seems to be the beginning of the renovation of the new house.

1, I started quarreling when I disagree with each other. In fact, what is the reason for the quarrel, it is nothing but I want you to listen to me, and he also wants you to listen to him, so it will quarrel.

2, Because the money started to be noisy, I think this may also be the main factor leading to his cheating.

You want him to get back the money he lent his friends back. This is definitely right. Your idea is okay. But not in practice may make him feel depressed and forced Feel it?

For a man,He worked very hard to do everything and make this home better because you need him and make him feel motivated to work hard.

and the money lent to friends can’t get back, he must have been very upset. The interest on the platform is not just you, he also needs to bear it. Wouldn't it make him want to escape?

In other words, it was originally a difficulty that you two need to work together to face. turned out to be opposites.

Not only did he not receive recognition, but he was constantly denied and even attacked.

Thinking in another way, if you were his character, how would you feel?

Therefore, there is a high probability that he has derailed because of these pressures.

Of course, let’s analyze the reason for his derailment. It does not mean that his derailment is correct. just means you can try to understand why he derailed.

to see if his cheating is only for physical reasons, or there may be more psychological reasons.

Here I also want to emphasize with the girls, quarrel or break up when the other half cheats, this is of course the easiest way to deal with it, but many times you will find that this does not solve the problem at all.

In that case, instead of hysterically condemning the other party and blaming the other party with tears, it is better to look for it rationally first. What is the source of the other party's derailment?

If you make a mistake, the derailment of is a dominant error, but the cause of the derailment is the invisible error . If you only see the dominant error and ignore the invisible error, the problem will never be solved.

As for whether he is still worthy of your trust and contribution, it depends on whether you are willing to give up this relationship.

Because no one can guarantee that he will not continue to cheat, after all, the contradiction between you cannot disappear immediately, and at the same time, I don't know how far the relationship between him and that girl is.

And as long as the depression between you and him still exists, he may continue to escape.

So the real question actually seems to be whether he can be trusted if he cheated, but to explore further, should be whether you can reach an agreement in life and economics.

Can you be more tolerant and understanding, can it be based on his kindness to you, willingness to satisfy you, and paying for you, you also treat him better, and consider his feelings more? .

In other words, is only safe between you when he faces this relationship and no longer wants to escape.

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