recently met some new friends. When answering questions for them, I found that many people have very serious emotional problems.
Problems such as being domestically abused, being cheated, encountering scumbags countless times, and having difficulty getting out of a single elder.
So today I will analyze with you, why are some people who are clearly suffering but are unwilling to take action to change the status quo and pursue a better life?
The reason is that they are dominated by a kind of 1 _strong span. Only if you muster up the courage and feel unworthy of running away, your life will truly become brighter.
(This article is very useful for everyone, I recommend reading it repeatedly)
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She is a girl who longs for love and marriage,Over the years, I have been looking for a good match for myself.
However, every relationship of hers ended without disease and scarred.
Not only that, she has been cheated of hundreds of thousands of dollars from on her way off the singles over the years.
Being in love with her has become a curse of "poor money".
After our simple chat, I found that the root of her problem lies in the native family .
Her parents have been very strict with her since she was a child, under the guise of "being good for her" decides everything for her and never asked her wishes and needs
In the eyes, it seems that she is just a "body" who lives according to their wishes.
She has never been truly "seen" by her parents, she has never been truly understood and loved by her parents, and she has no chance to be herself.
Axiang who grew up in such an environment, longs for the attention and love of others .
So as long as there is a man who treats her a little bit better, she will be grateful for Dade.
until he was cheated of hundreds of thousands of dollars,I still don't know where the problem is.
We really feel sorry for this girl.
Several emotional experiences are so similar, she has apparently fallen into "learned helplessness" , reincarnation constantly in this painful vortex.
If someone can help her analyze the pattern of her native family, guide her to face her inner problems squarely, mend her lack of love and invisible wounds, encourage her to live out herself, and teach her how to develop quality men The close relationship between resources and management.
Her life will be very different.
But she refused to help, she said: "I can only carry this kind of thing by myself, breaking my teeth and swallowing blood in my stomach."
And behind this sentence is deep Deep "not worthy of feeling".
Because she has never been truly pampered, she subconsciously believes that she is not worthy of being treated.
In fact, whether it is to save fruitlessly, or to get out of the order, or the marriage is broken, in the final analysis, it is because the trauma of the native family has not been healed.
Any sense of insecurity and anxiety stems from the unmet needs and emotions of the native family.Eventually it will lead to your "unworthy feeling."
What makes us feel unworthy?
The feeling of unworthiness is actually low self-esteem in psychology.
Their overall view of themselves is "I am not good enough/I am a bad person" I always feel worthless, does not deserve good things
People will also underestimate the love their partners have for them, thereby damaging intimacy.
It is hard for them to believe that their partner really and deeply loves themselves.
So what causes low self-esteem, and why do we feel "unworthy"?
1. The experience of the original family makes us believe that we are not worthy of love
Freud’s famous 1span strong theory
37span strong1span 37span _strong3spanIf you compare human thought to an iceberg,Then your consciousness is only a corner of the surface, and the underwater subconscious is the huge mountain, and 70% of human behavior is controlled by the subconscious.
And people’s feelings and thinking patterns are described by the native family model.
All these experiences will enter the subconscious , unconsciously, your cognition and habits will be formed, and the subconscious will act on your behavior, causing the love map to skew, and there will be undesirable results.
We have a student who specializes in "Our Lady" , who specializes in finding the kind of boyfriend who is very difficult.
For example, with a divorced child and a complicated family background, she wants to work hard to save such a poor man to gain love and sublimate herself , which makes her love difficult.
After looking for me, she analyzed the causes of her "Mother":
When she was a child, her parents divorced, and her mother went south to do business and lacked care for her, which led to her unsatisfied childhood as an adult. Your emotions are projected on your partner.
She fills up her unsatisfied self when she was a child by constantly giving to her partner. In her subconscious, she always wants to change the attitude of her parents to herself, how to change it?
is to do it for her parents, (taking her parents as her parents and her partner as herself) she can only let herself continue to invest in and give to her partner to satisfy her desire for the love of her parents.
After knowing the cause, she realized that, it turns out, She doesn't love each other so much, she just satisfies her mental projection.
Then you will eventually lead a difficult married life, affecting your life, and even will pass this toxic model to the next generation.
2. Negative core beliefs make the sense of unworthiness continue _p5 br7p p0 strong cognition of strong negative beliefs. Core beliefs) are the factors that sustain the sense of unworthiness.
Childhood behavior patterns have allowed us to form a firm, stable, and deeply rooted belief in ourselves, others, and the world. We call this "core belief" .
Even though we sometimes cannot express this belief clearly, we believe it is correct.
People who have a sense of unworthiness, their core belief is that "I'm bad", so they will keep backing and avoiding , which makes them unable to escape the deep well of unworthiness.
The next story,It is very alert to everyone.
Someone once asked me: "What should I do if men like to chat with others?"
They have been together for 2 years, and men have never planned to marry, nor have they treated her. Substantial investment.
The suggestion I gave her at the time was:
First, this boy is very problematic, he needs further observation and must protect himself; _strong37 strong _p5span
strong girl She has a strong sense of anxiety. She has to solve her inner conflicts in order to manage the relationship.
After a while, she asked again. This time the problem is very serious. The girl found out she was pregnant! ! !
Let's enter into marriage with a man. This man is indeed not a good match and puts himself in his life; if he does not enter into marriage, how can children solve it?
Her mode of thinking is "negative core beliefs".
She subconsciously feels that she is very poor and she can’t deserve someone better than this man ,So keep shrinking and avoiding the reality that this man is not a good match.
Many people cannot live the comfortable life they want, and they often unconsciously turn on the hard mode of their lives.
The world is so big, meeting is fate, I will keep sharing here, don’t forget to follow me.
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