Happy families are similar, but unfortunate families have their own misfortunes. I don’t know if, everyone who bids farewell to the previous marriage will feel that their next relationship will be better.
But in fact, for marriage, love is needed, but it is not exactly the same as love. Especially for the emotion of second marriage, there is a sentence that is evaluated like this: "It is easy to get married, but it is too difficult to feed."
The composition of marriage is very complicated, as the famous writer Roman Roland once said: In marriage, everyone needs to pay, and at the same time they need to gain something. This is in line with the law of supply and demand.
The range of options for the second marriage itself will be reduced. If both parties have children, even if one party takes the children, the friction in the marriage will increase exponentially.
43-year-old Mr. Zhong said frankly that I have heard that women who have children in second marriages are more powerful and good at "saving the way" for themselves. I didn't believe it before, but now I am really an instructor.
Mr. Zhong and his remarried wife have been living together for four years, and after all, they are not ready to live on. In fact, both of them are remarried. The only difference is that the remarried wife, Xiao Nan, takes a son who goes to middle school.
When he was about to start a family, Mr. Zhong's mother advised him to think more. First, remarrying and bringing a child is a heavy burden, and this is still a boy; second, this child is so old that it is difficult to get close to you anymore.
However, Mr. Zhong was divorced for 3 or 4 years, and he only met this woman who got along with each other tacitly and was able to talk. He believed in his own vision that the child would grow up and leave after all, so he should bear more , In exchange for a woman's sorrow towards him, it's worth spending the rest of his life with him.
However, Mr. Zhong thinks everything is too simple and beautiful. He ignores the selfishness of human nature, which includes his remarried wife and his own.
Initially,Both people in the marriage want to maintain a good image, to accommodate each other, and have a good life. After a long time, each relax.
Xiaonan began to "find money" from Mr. Zhong by any means, first asking for money under various names, and then softly asking for the salary card. Gradually, the financial power of reorganizing the family fell into Xiao Nan's hands.
After that, Xiao Nan began to deduct Mr. Zhong's food and clothing consumption, and the alcohol and cigarettes he drank had to be lowered.
In the first two years of marriage, Mr. Zhong wanted a child of two people, but Xiao Nan refused many times. After listening to his friend's suggestion, Mr. Zhong hesitated and changed Xiao Nan's contraceptive pill, but he was discovered within a few days.
At this point, the relationship between the two people has plummeted, and Xiao Nan no longer plays the image of a good wife, and bluntly said:
"I will not have any more children. I can't sorry my son. The divorce has hurt him. It's me. Sorry for him, so I must give him all the best within my ability."
Mr. Zhong replied: "You can't be sorry for your son, then you are ready to be sorry for me?"
The two began a cold war.
After a few days of thinking, Mr. Zhong talked to Xiao Nan and said:
"I accept your son out of my feelings for you. In the future, he will go to university, buy a house, and marry a wife. I agree with all the pressure, but it can’t completely reverse my life. I don’t want the relationship between husband and wife to take precedence over your parent-child relationship. I also understand that it’s unrealistic, but at least there is a balance. , Don’t think of me as a money jar. I just want a normal relationship between husband and wife and family.”
After hearing this, Xiao Nan did have some changes, but the good times did not last long. Xiaonan still habitually ignores Mr. Zhong and puts his son first.
Mr. Zhong likes to drink tea,Want to buy a new tea set, no; Xiaonan's son wants brand-name sneakers, and Xiaonan doesn't blink for thousands of dollars.
What makes Mr. Zhong even more sad is that Xiao Nan's son does not accept Mr. Zhong's affection: my mother sacrificed everything for me, and it has nothing to do with you.
Therefore, in the marriage of two people, there are constant quarrels. No matter what, Mr. Zhong's secret change of dressing was wrong. Every time the two quarreled, Xiao Nan would have to pick him up, leaving behind a half-life.
Their marriage is stumbling and stumbling.
In many cases, middle-aged people do not have no love, but after being more cautious and mature, they must learn to weigh the pros and cons when facing love.
For love, such maturity is a bit sad, but this is reality. A second-married woman with a child is not necessarily not allowed to marry, but it must be clear about the actual situation.
If you really want to marry a second-married woman with children, you must consider these three points before entering the marriage:
First, does the other party really want to spend the rest of his life with you, or just want to let it go Do you help raise children?
The best marriage is to unite because of love, not to marry for mutual conditions, but there must always be their own needs in marriage.
Before marriage, fully understanding each other's demands is a necessary condition for a long-term and stable marriage. When the other party's demands are acceptable to you, the differences in this marriage will be minimized.
If, like Mr. Zhong, you encounter a partner who completely ignores his feelings, you have to search him clean and satisfy your own son regardless of the actual situation, the acceptable degree of such a marriage is relatively low.
Second, if you also have children by your side, can the other person's character stand the test?
If two people in life have their own children at the same time, the most feared thing is that they can't be equal.This is also the most difficult family situation to balance. After all, other people's children are not in charge of, and neither is it.
Like Ling Ling in "My First Half of Life", the international summer camp where he paid 30,000 yuan for her son, and the domestic summer camp where Chen Junsheng’s son was quoted a few thousand yuan. Obviously favoring one another, whoever it is, will know Uncomfortable.
In a remarried family, once this contradiction for children has started, life will be much harder. Is there anyone who can hold a bowl of water? Of course there are, but it is really difficult to encounter.
Third, after two people are together, is your quality of life improving or drastically decreasing?
The utilitarian point of getting married is to make your life better, or to maintain the current state. No one wants to find a partner who will bring down their life.
The quality of life includes both material and spiritual. Therefore, before entering a marriage, we must fully consider the financial ability and the ability of communication and empathy of both parties. If you are like Mr. Zhong, you will be too late to regret if you encounter a partner who squeezes him and doesn't care about him.
Distraction is the most taboo for starting a family.
A woman who remarries with her child like Xiao Nan, if she meets a man who is willing to be with herself and accept your child during her second marriage, she must not only learn to cherish but also understand that she should also give something, not always I want to get it.
Many people remarry for the purpose of seeking psychological security, so that they will not face the rest of their lives alone. If entering into marriage will make people feel uneasy and depressive, then the gain is not worth the loss. It is better not to.
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The world is so big, thank you, you can see me!
[This article is originally produced by Weiwei'an, plagiarism must be investigated/pictures come from the Internet, invaded and deleted]
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