text | Secret Books
Women should understand that when children should use their parents-in-law when they are young, they should use their parents-in-law when they are young. Don’t care about their parents-in-law’s little thoughts. Children don’t use them when they are young, and their husbands will still take their parents-in-law to retire in the future.
A real case of a friend around me: my friend has been living in her parents' home since she got married. The child is done by her parents' home with housework. The couple eats ready-made food when they get home. Her husband is on a lot of business trips. It can be said that her parents have been spending money and efforts, and she should not live too freely in her parents' home.
Now the child is 13 years old. Guess what? Her husband suddenly doesn’t go on a business trip or work overtime. He doesn’t call anyone to ignore his father-in-law and mother-in-law when he goes home. He actively looks at the house. Over the years, he has saved enough of the down payment for buying a house and wants to buy a big house. My friend’s parents kindly suggested that there is no need to buy such a big one, which is stressful. His answer was: My parents must buy a bigger one when they live together.
And my friends and parents-in-law have already prepared a new house and moved them to retire together. Think about how sad your friends and parents are, but there is no way out. "After marriage, the family has been living in their parents' home. The parents' home has paid and worked hard, and the husband bought a big house to take care of his parents-in-law for his retirement." The friend said helplessly, regretting it.
Most men don’t care whether their parents helped them take care of their children when they were young. Anyway, they always support their elderly
In life, many women in life have children because they should let their parents-in-law help take care of their children and worry about depression. In order to avoid conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, many women simply refuse to let their parents-in-law help take care of their children, and let their mother-in-law take care of them. After finally taking the child to school, the in-laws came out again and rushed to take care of him. The woman was very angry and even refused.
I think if I don’t want to affect the relationship between husband and wife because of this matter, I will make a divorce. If you refuse, you will still be the one who is suffering from it. Even if you are angry, you will not let your in-laws come, and then the in-laws are old, the man will still take them over for retirement without hesitation.
In fact, men understand very well in their hearts. They understand the problems of their own mother and daughter-in-law, but as long as the problems are not caused by him, he will pretend not to see them. Regarding the question of who will take care of the child, if a woman doesn’t need her parents, but asks her mother-in-law to help, the man will be happy, and her parents will be relaxed.
Don’t think about how grateful they can be to their mother-in-law. Even if the mother-in-law contributes money and effort, men still think about their parents in their hearts, and they will feel that they have not taken their children by their side for many years, which is very regretful. When the child grows up, no longer needs adults to take care of him and take him off, many adults will immediately think of leaving their mother-in-law's house and buying a house to pick up their parents.
Unless a man has had conflicts with his parents since he was a child and does not have a close relationship, he will not be able to stop his desire to be filial to his parents, even if the parents do not help him take care of the children.
So after having a child, the couple must discuss who to take care of the child in advance. If you don’t want to both parents and take care of them yourself, then make sure that the man can participate in the housework together.
If both of them have to go to work and the older generation needs to help take care of the children, they must let the man come forward. Only when the man’s own interests are involved will he take the initiative to solve the problem of taking care of the children.
[Topic Discussion: Is there such a thing around you? 】
Senior nanny, psychological counselor. Understand nurturing and psychology, and pay attention to mothers' self-growth and family management, and strive to be a caring person for mothers.
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