crying load: Hello.
I have been following you for a long time and am one of your loyal readers. I really like your article and I want to tell my story today.
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I am 37 years old this year and have given birth to 2 sons. The eldest son is 10 years old and the younger son is over 6 years old.
Before last year, everyone around me said that I was a winner in life. I had a stable job. Although my salary was not very high, I was considered independent. I had two handsome and smart sons, and my husband was very kind to me.
My husband often says that his wife is the most important person in a man's life. His parents will grow old, his children will grow up, and his wife is the person who stays with him the longest.
Almost all of his salary and various incomes are given to me. He reports to me in advance wherever he goes. He often sends photos to share what he is doing. The cover of the circle of friends is also a group photo of our family of four, and his WeChat avatar. It’s also a photo of me and my two sons.
Apart from going to work and occasionally working overtime, he rarely goes out at night. Even if he occasionally has dinner with colleagues, he always answers my calls at any time, and my WeChat messages are replied to almost instantly.
No one would have thought that such a good man would cheat.
I found out that he was cheating on me by accident. The system suddenly pushed me the Douyin of a woman. Because she was pretty (maybe it was the illusion of beauty), I went to her homepage and looked through it. Unexpectedly, I saw her on her page. I saw my husband’s hand and watch in the corner of the selfie. I couldn’t admit it. Not only was the shape of my hand familiar, but I also changed the strap of my husband’s watch for him.
Perhaps the photo of my husband’s hand was accidental. He could explain that it was a friend who accidentally took the photo while eating.
But there is another video. It was on March 11. She posted a work: two cups of tea, with the text: Happy birthday, Bao, I love you every day.
This day is my husband’s birthday, and the numbers on ’s birthday cake are also the same as my husband’s age. In the
video, the razor she gave to her husband was in the bathroom of our house, and my husband told me at the time that it was a gift from their workplace for a basketball game.
I was really shocked and couldn't believe it. After a brief collapse, I looked at this woman’s nickname, and later found this woman in my husband’s WeChat account. At the same time, I followed the clues and found out that my husband had sent this woman a lot of red envelopes with ambiguous numbers.
cheated on her, it was obvious. What shattered my outlook was that my husband was so kind to me, reported his whereabouts at all times, and had a frequent couple life. Such a man would cheat. What other man is trustworthy?
I told my husband all this, and he begged me to forgive him, and deleted all the contact information of that woman in front of me.
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However, a permanent rift developed between us.
I can no longer trust him as I did before. Every time he goes out to work, I have countless doubts. I always wonder whose bed he is in at the moment. I even feel that he and her are not separated at all. It’s just a more covert method of contact.
I hate his betrayal, but I know that I don’t have the energy to divorce. First, because my income is not high. Although it is stable, it is not enough to raise two sons. Secondly, I am not willing to let my two children lose their father. Third, I am very busy at work every day. After the divorce, I did not have the energy to take care of my two children.
So, since I found my husband, I have been in the embarrassing situation of not being able to divorce and living a bad life.
may be looking for balance, or it may be revenge. My behavior also changed.
Actually, I look like an upper-middle-class person, with a good figure and good skin. There are always men around me who are eager to make a move on me, but I have always avoided them.
Last fall, I met a man in a badminton group. We played three times a week, and we became familiar with each other over time. He often chatted with me online, and liked every post in our circle of friends. He was quite good. , several of the women we played badminton with thought he was handsome, tall, 1.85 meters tall, and drove a Mercedes-Benz worth more than 400,000 yuan.
Looking at his circle of friends, he is a delicate man who loves life. He likes to grow flowers, cook, and read.
So, when he expressed his goodwill to me on WeChat, I was excited, and even more excited after a long absence. Since he violated his loyalty to the marriage, why should I hold on to it?
He and I started chatting unscrupulously. His wife seemed not to care about him at all. He could send me WeChat messages in the middle of the night. I asked him, "Does your wife not care about you?" He said that couples should also have freedom and privacy.
He has sent me flowers, snacks, afternoon tea, and told me about his childhood on WeChat. I clearly feel that he likes me. Many times, he would chat with me non-stop for the whole day. He said that he would like to take me to his hometown of Chongqing in the future, saying that there are many delicious foods there. He also said,
He also liked to compliment me on my appearance. She is beautiful and has a good figure. Once she even directly said: I want to be your closest friend, is that okay?
After chatting too much, I began to rely on him mentally, liked him, and wanted to fall in love with him. I started to take the initiative to chat with him, and took the initiative to share with him what I was doing, and everything I saw and felt. I had to talk to him a lot at night before I could sleep peacefully.
If I send him a WeChat message and he doesn’t reply in time, I will feel very disappointed and write a short composition for him.
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Several times, after I took a shower, I looked in the mirror and felt that my figure was so good that I couldn’t help but take a nude photo with my phone and sent it to him. Sure enough, he sent a series of drooling expressions.
However, he later became cold towards me and no longer asked me out to eat alone.
2 weeks ago, after we finished playing football, I offered to take his car home, and I deliberately sat in the passenger seat. When I got off the car, I didn't want to get off the car and stared at him. I even took the initiative to touch his face. I thought he would kiss me. He had said it countless times on WeChat that he dreamed of having sex with me. kiss. However, he calmly pulled my hand away and said, "Go back. I've been very tired recently."
After saying that, he took the initiative to press the seat belt for me.
I felt so ashamed that I got out of the car and went home very angry.
After that, he no longer chatted with me on WeChat every day. I took the initiative to send messages, and he replied with only a few words, very simple, and some did not reply at all.
Crying, this thing makes me very frustrated. I think I am good-looking, otherwise he would not chase me so fiercely at the beginning and give me gifts. But why did he retreat before he started?
To be honest, there are many men who like me and chat with me. But this thing puzzles me. He must have been interested in my appearance, so he chased me, but I didn't do anything, I said ugly words, I didn't get on the bed, and I didn't take off my clothes. If I got in bed once, he felt bad. No matter how distant you are from me, I can understand.
I really don’t understand what is happening now, and I am very depressed. I have been suffering from insomnia for many days in a row. I hope Chouhe can help me analyze it and tell me how I should deal with marital and extramarital issues. Deep down, I couldn't accept my husband's betrayal, but I couldn't afford a divorce. I wanted to find a balance outside of marriage, but I found that men outside of marriage were also very difficult to figure out. I'm really scared. Thank you for allowing me to make it public.
Your readers: c
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crying reply:
Hello, thank you for your trust.
Many people believe that men are animals whose lower body is dominant. As long as it is a woman, as long as the other party is willing, men will almost never refuse.
This view is correct, but it is also biased and relatively absolute.
Especially for men with rich resources of the opposite sex, they obviously will not refuse everyone who comes. Even if they are just "sleeping", they still want to find a woman who looks and feels right. Because they have a lot of room for choice, and if they have something to choose from, they will naturally have something to choose from.
Food and sex, this is like a poor man who is hungry and has only one steamed bun, so he will eat it without thinking whether he likes steamed buns or not. However, for a rich man who eats well every day and has all kinds of delicious food in front of him, he must choose the food that he desires most.
The extramarital man the heroine met today is obviously a master in love. He is handsome, gentle, elegant, tasteful, and loves sports. Such a man is simply obsessed with women's aesthetics.
And as you said, he has free time and his wife doesn’t care about his mobile phone, so how can you be the only butterfly around him?
A man who has no shortage of women is all about "feeling". Which kind of woman makes him feel the most, want to conquer, and be obsessed with her the most, who will he attack in the end.
At the beginning, he sent you flowers, gifts, and invited you to dinner. It was obvious that he liked you. No man would do this to a member of the opposite sex for no reason. There is only one reason for doing this: he wants to sleep with you.
Therefore, you must have passed his aesthetic standards in terms of appearance.
But why did he suddenly become indifferent to you later on, especially when you took the initiative to throw yourself into your arms and he actually refused.
The answer is: you are too proactive and ruin the "flavor" of this opposite-sex chasing game.
Human nature is very strange, and the things we chase seem to be particularly fragrant. Once the prey surrenders to you and even starts to chase you, you will "put your head down" in an instant and feel that everything is boring. Yes, for a prodigal in love, what special flavor can a woman have? All women are like that.
When will a person pay special attention to a person or thing? Not gained and lost.
The heroine felt that the man outside the marriage clearly didn’t sleep with her, so why did he leave? Because for him, whether he wants to sleep with you or not is just a matter of whether he wants to. You have already made all the postures and told him: I am willing to be slept with by you.
Therefore, the most advanced hunter appears in the form of prey.
is worth savoring by every adult.
The heroine should let go of this man outside of marriage, and stop chasing after him in a hurry. The harder you chase him, the faster he runs.
As for your marriage problem, you also know that you are not capable of divorce, so there are only two things you need to do in the future -
1. Save up for divorce, manage your family's money well, and improve your ability to make money.
2. If you don’t catch the cheater, the cheater will most likely cheat for the rest of his life. You won’t be able to catch them all, but it will affect your mood and physical health. A husband has many functions in a marriage. Although your husband's function of emotional loyalty is broken, his other functions are still of high quality. If you want to be more open-minded, continue to use them and let your husband make full use of his other functions to serve you. It is actually not bad to benefit children.
Best wishes.
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