Author: Mu Ren (Columnist of Fushu)
How aggrieved are independent and sensible children?
For example, Tian Wenwen in the TV series "The Big Test".
When my mother found out that she was hiding something from her, she blamed her: "You usually say and leave half a sentence when you talk to me. I think you are used to being independent since childhood and never kiss anyone."
She said that she was not independent, but lonely. She accused her of why she was so miserable, and her sister could live so sweetly with her parents?
Mother said, "You have always been the most sensible before."
Tian Wenwen burst into tears with grievance: " The word I hate the most is being sensible, all of it is forced by you. "
Because her parents were doing business in other places since childhood, she lived with her grandmother. After her grandmother passed away, she lived alone, looking forward to her parents picking her up, but because her sister was born, she kept leaving her to live alone.
So Tian Wenwen became independent and sensible. Even if she called her mother and found that she had a fever, she hurriedly hung up the phone and kept silent about her parents;
Even if she came home from school alone at night and was followed by a thief, Tian Wenwen would not tell her parents.
Yes, that independent and sensible child who is used to dealing with things himself is certainly afraid of his parents’ concerns, but if he doesn’t tell his parents, it is already a distance in his heart and a accumulation of grievances. If he is close enough to his parents, why should he be afraid of them when encountering things?
She is still a child and will look forward to her parents' comfort when things happen.
The child who doesn’t tell his parents about his problems is so wronged.
How aggrieved are you not telling your parents’ children when you encounter something?
Canghaijing once said: "Seeking help is also a kind of ability. In this world, it is difficult to survive alone."
Seeking help is a kind of ability and wisdom, especially when children encounter problems, the child's world is very small and the problem seems to be very big, but in fact, it may be a small matter that is easier to solve in the eyes of adults.
A friend said that he had an experience.
In the third grade of elementary school, a middle-aged male teacher, part-time class teacher and math teacher have been replaced. He likes to hit students' heads with sticks. In mathematics class, those students who answer wrong will frequently encounter his sticks knocking their heads with their friends, and friends are no exception.
In the fear of violence, those questions with "the denominator is the same, the numerator is big, the fraction is big", are always wrong because they make frequent mistakes and are always asked constantly, so violence comes.
, especially later, my friend felt that he was targeting him. Not only was he criticized for his poor math, but he would be ridiculed for his clothes and hair length.
During those days, when a friend entered school, he felt fear arises, and as soon as he got out of school, he suddenly feels relaxed. Even though she is so tormented, she never said a word to her parents.
More than a year later, she told her parents that why didn’t you say that at that time?
, if I told my parents at the beginning, I could get more help or guidance? Is it true that if I told my parents that I could be immune to a lot of physical and psychological pain?
Just like the previous news, a child accidentally swallowed a whistle when he was 6 years old. Because he was afraid of being scolded by his parents, he hid it for 20 years. Finally, he went to the doctor for pain and finally got the whistle out.
What do parents think when they see their children like this?
The physical pain caused by the whistle has come to an end for the time being, but how can we estimate the 20 years of pain left to the soul by the whistle?
20 years of fear of whistle harming the body, how can I make up for that fear?
If you go back in time and when the whistle accidentally swallows it, tell your parents in time and take effective methods in time, can you be more grateful?
But he chose to hide it until now because he was afraid of his parents' scolding.
Yin Jianli said that children would rather bear the pain of procrastination than tell their parents. This is actually a signal that there is something wrong with their parents and their children getting along.
No child likes to throw away the umbrella handed over by his parents, and run alone in the wind and rain to abuse himself. If you know that your parents are unable to get the warmth, you have to choose your own business.
Why do children not want to speak to their parents when they encounter problems?
TV series " Sanyue has a new job ", Sanyue has suffered repeated setbacks after graduation and looking for a job.
Even though Sanyue was the only one who scored the full score during the internship, the other party felt that boys could stand up more than girls, so the number of places they were transferred to was squeezed.
She felt uncomfortable and wanted to talk to her mother.
Unexpectedly, the mother spoke as a knife: "Who made you stupid? She has a bad brain and a bad temper. She is sad all day long. She doesn't know that she can't choose you."
Seeing her eating, the mother spoke again: "Eat, you know that you can't eat. You can't eat, just be careful, and you can't catch up with the hot food."
Such a serious injury, since then, the child never wants to speak to his parents when encountering trouble, right?
Zhang Defen said: "What children need most is the wholehearted acceptance of their parents, that's it."
The child thought it would be comfort and encouragement, but what was hit was indifference and blow, and he looked forward to embracing each other with warmth, but in the end, the wound was covered with salt. From then on, he had to choose to protect himself.
Parents are the strongest backing in their children's eyes and are the people who want to speak up the most when encountering things. If the actions of parents cannot give the child the courage and strength to continue running, but only mock and disgust, the result is that the children become strong and distant from each other.
The child's mouth that occasionally needs to open his mouth for help can't be closed. For parents like
, children are more willing to seek help
Huang Lei said: "The most terrible thing is not what the child does outside, but that you don't know what he does outside.
What he does is not important, will he sue it? Let me tell you, the most important thing is."
Zheng Yuanjie There was a girl Liang Xin in the story. When the girl Liang Xin was framed by a classmate and wrongly accused her of stealing her classmate's wallet, the teacher wanted to take her to the office, but Liang Xin said to the teacher: "I want to call my parents."
At that moment, the teacher was shocked. Generally, children who make mistakes were afraid that the teacher would tell their parents, but you took the initiative to ask them to tell them.
Liang Xin's parents arrived at school, protected their daughter, comforted her and said, your unjust case ended here. In the end, Liang Xin's parents helped their daughter find evidence and washed away the unjust.
We envy such children because we have parents who trust us so much.
So, how do parents who are willing to express their feelings?
1, become familiar
Some parents and children have blood relationships, but are even stranger than strangers. If you don’t meet or communicate, you will be like a stranger.
Why don’t the child listen to you? Who would like to listen to strangers?
No one likes to just follow the advice of strangers. Only friends can we be willing to refer to it.
So you have to become more familiar with your child so that the communication bridge will be smooth and the window for help can be started.
care more, not never care about it; contact more, not rarely contact. Only when parents and children become more familiar can everything be better.
2. Good relationship
Some parents and children often meet and always talk, but the relationship is not good enough.
Because meeting means picky, accusing, speaking is disgusting, ridicule, opening your mouth makes you a knife, making people avoid it.
Only when a good parent-child relationship can you have the opportunity to be open and honest and trust your child to ask for help.
How to have a good parent-child relationship?
Nag less and give more to their preferences. No matter whether the child encounters good or bad things, avoid negative criticism, and actively guide and encourage. Let the children believe that we are allies, not enemies.
Especially when facing adolescent children, we speak less and cook more. When we need us, we actively help us. When we don’t need us, we quit in time.
Respect and trust are in place, and the child will be closer to your heart.
3, presenting love
We often say that love is hard to open in the heart. Too many parents not only never say love, but also often talk about right and wrong.
In this way, simple children believe in the truth in front of them, but never imagine the love hidden in their parents' hearts, or that no children are willing to believe that language violent , parents who are facing cold eyes will be full of love for themselves in their hearts.
When a child makes a mistake, we are more tolerant than criticism. When a child seeks help, we are more comforting than accusations. Only when we are willing to respect him and understand him, everything will get better and better.
When the child realizes that his parents do not have unconditional love and trust for me, he naturally dare not easily show his fragility and sadness.
If the parents present it to their children, they always have unconditional love, a positive and optimistic attitude, and a respectful and trust attitude, the children will naturally be willing to open their hearts with their parents and embrace each other.
Parents and children have a relationship, the most beautiful word should be: dear.
Don’t tell your parents when encountering problems. It is a symbol of distance and has a sad color. Being willing to tell your parents means that they are close enough to each other and that they are warm enough to their parents.
When parents' tolerance and love are as warm as the sun, the moisture in the child's heart is also swept away.
May we all be lucky enough to be warm parents and help our children to face the sun throughout their lives.
Author Profile: Mu Ren, Fushu Columnist, Life Recorder, Article: Parents, intensive reading, copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, no reprint without authorization, infringement will be pursued, Fushu 2018 launches a new book "Life Good"
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