What do we want to discuss when we are talking about "both parents are a scourge"?

I think there are probably only these two kinds of people in the world, one is the group member of "Parents are the scourge", and the other is the group member who boycotts the group. And my purpose of writing this article is to explore a new way of solving problems and become the third type of person. At the same time, I also call on more people to become the third type of person.

Before discussing this matter, we first establish a consensus. In a large population base, in fact, only a small number of parents are treacherous and deliberately harming the rights of their children. Most parents' harm to their children is based more on unconscious and unconstrained selfishness. So what we are discussing today is also how we should deal with this most common problem. As the children of these parents, how should we deal with this relationship? As bystanders, how should we treat these individuals or groups that cannot come out of the original family?

The reason why I think about this question is actually due to a chat with a friend of mine. One day I was drinking in his shop, and I said "Actually I don't know if my parents love me or not". Of course, I feel that there is nothing wrong with this sentence, otherwise I would not ask it out. But his reaction was great, and he hardly said a word to me that day. After I said this sentence, the only sentence he left was "Your six relatives don't recognize it. I never thought that you would even scrutinize it with your own biological parents." Right now I was stunned and didn't refute, and I don't want to refute anything to this day. In fact, as long as you want to catch a logical loophole in any sentence, you can catch it quickly, but this kind of discussion is meaningless. It just constantly proves that its logic and viewpoints are correct, constantly improves its own ideas, and then confronts people with different ideas. He is my friend, so I know he is a person who follows instinct extremely and has a lot of emotional needs. It is also because we became friends first that I had an opportunity to understand him and an opportunity for me to understand different viewpoints. So I hope my experience can bring you some new thinking, how should we treat people who have different experiences and ideas from ours.

Speaking of the previous question, in fact, most of the children who have not come out of the harm of their native families, they confide in, resist, and refute. It seems that they are accusing the family hysterically. In fact, it is not their parents that they do not want to forgive. It is the self who has been hurt and who has done nothing wrong but easily forgive the parents.All the pain and anxiety actually originate from the phrase "why", why can they treat "me" like this? Why should "I" bear this? These are actually unprovoked sufferings. We neither need to rationalize these sufferings, nor do we need to forget them. To rationalize the suffering will inevitably reduce the suffering to fallacy. Forgetting past experiences will inevitably lead to a fault in memory. This incident has caused me personal troubles in my life. I will be hysterical for no reason, and then I can't find a reason to support my hysteria.

So for children who cannot get out of their original family, the methodology I can give is to "lower expectations", admit that in the identity of parents, some people are selfish, and unfortunately your parents are among them. One member. And even more unfortunately, there is a certain emotional basis between you. I think that in fact, everyone will lose control collectively when discussing this issue. The essence is that we have not fully accepted ourselves. We actually have doubts about what we believe, just like my friend, just like those who boycotted the "Parents Are Harm" group, like every member of the "Parents Are Harm" group, we actually They are not so sure.

So he finally said to me, "Even if my parents killed me, I would admit it."

All theories have certain limitations, but all experiences and feelings are real. What we can do is to respect our own experiences and feelings, while understanding the experiences and feelings of others. Thinking of this, "whether parents are all harms" is not so important.