At noon today, our brother couldn't wait to say to me as soon as he got home from school, "I raised my hand to answer the question today. It's still a Chinese class, you want to reward me." I was so angry and funny when I heard this. Why are you still like a kindergarten kid who needs to praise and reward for small things?
Then, I remembered last week. He told me that the head teacher, the Chinese teacher, asked him why he was not actively speaking in class.
In fact, we have always encouraged him to speak actively in class and express his ideas bravely if he has any ideas. I think this time, he broke through himself thanks to the teacher's affirmation and encouragement.
Although, this is not surprisingly a trivial matter for others, for him, it is the beginning of bravely expressing himself and a challenge to his own psychology.
Nicethets said: "The biggest enemy you can encounter is yourself." often requires greater courage to defeat yourself. Therefore, I affirmed my son's progress in time and gave him the reward he wanted - a chicken leg and a bottle of Coke.
This also reminds me of my brother's personality problem, timid and inferior, and a bad temper. He was a semi-left-behind child around the age of three, and later he often quarreled at home, which had a great impact on his character.
Over the years, I have been reflecting on these things in front of my children:
1. Don’t quarrel in front of my children, let alone fight.
Whether it is with people outside or with family, don’t quarrel in front of your children. In front of adults, children are weak and powerless.
When the adults quarreled, they looked at our hideous faces and roared hysterically, and the children only had a deep sense of powerlessness and fear. Over time, children will become timid, inferior, irritable, and even extreme and narrow-minded.
When I was in elementary school, I lived next door with my uncle and aunt. The family is often in chaos and tense. Either the father quarreled with his uncle or his aunt, or the uncle was drunk and domestic violence.
Not only quarrel, but sometimes they even fight, waving an axe or a kitchen knife, which scares us children to tremble.
Once, it was past 11 o'clock in the evening. The drunk uncle said he wanted to set fire to the house. We were so scared that we hid in our neighbor's house and dared not go back for a long time.
Until now, I am very afraid of arguing with people, and even more afraid of conflicts with people. I would rather suffer some losses than speak out.
Children who have lived in the "war" of the family for a long time are very painful. Adler in the book " Children's Personality Education " says, "Lucky people are cured by childhood all their lives, while unfortunate people have to use their lives to cure childhood."
2. Don't deny children in front of family or outsiders, and don't expose their children's shortcomings.
Our brother is introverted. When someone comes to his family, he is always shy and only speaks when others call him or ask him. His father talked about him a lot about this. Many times, they say to each other, "XXX, why are you so rude and don't say hello when you meet someone!"
At this time, the brother stood aside, silently, and let his father say it. What's even more annoying is that my grandmother even spoke, saying, "Yes, it's rude, we won't call each other when we see it."
I was very angry when I heard it, but I didn't want to argue with them, so I pulled my brother to the room and said, "If you don't want to talk more, just say hello. I know you are not an ungrateful child."
Children who are often denied have their own self-esteem, become inferior, lack self-confidence, or are extremely competitive. Parents’ denials destroy the future of their children.
negation, which will dampen confidence and motivation, but will definitely make people feel more confident. This is also true for adults. Each of us wants to be affirmed, not to be easily deny.
3.Don’t easily evaluate a person or something in front of your child.
We often educate our children to respect people, but forget what respect is. respects it, and to put it simply, don’t talk about others’ mistakes in your spare time.
The mouth is the door of the soul. People say that there is no door in their mouths, and they are talking about the kind of people who run trains with their mouths. Such people are often annoying, and children actually hate listening to their parents talking about others.
When adults talk about Zhang and Li's short-term family, children's thoughts will also be affected. Because children are the shadow of parents, they learn how their parents do it.
Some of our relatives like to talk about people behind the scenes. Through his eyes and eyes, his daughter also likes to "care about" what adults say and develops the habit of spreading messages.
As a result, once, the child understood the problem wrongly and said to her mother, "XXX said that girls don't need to read so many books, and it's useless to read it." This sentence almost caused conflict between the two families.
Therefore, it is better to teach by words than by example. Let us parents start with ourselves. A case of behavior is better than a thousand words. Parents are the best role models for their children. Every word and action of parents affects the child's life.
Educating children is not only about eating and wearing well, but also about giving them a healthy environment for growth. Caring for children is not only a material guarantee and satisfaction, but also a psychological and spiritual emphasis on children's needs, respect and guide them. But respect does not mean indulgence, care does not mean constraints, and sharing does not mean preaching.
A stable, peaceful, warm and harmonious family environment is a fertile ground for children's healthy growth; a parent with stable emotions and positive mentality is the help of children's progress. The essence of educating children lies in educating ourselves, let us learn to be parents together and grow up with our children.
