Nowadays, many parents have too strong control, which makes their children lose a lot of freedom. They should have chosen their careers, their spouses, and their lifestyles have become things that they must resist their parents.
Parents always feel that their children's affairs are their own, they should do their own affairs, and they should take care of their children's affairs by themselves. Nowadays, this so-called bond brings more pain than happiness. Why do many parents try their best to maintain a relationship with their children, and their children try their best to get rid of this relationship?
From the behavior of both parties, this relationship is beneficial to parents but not to children, and is unbalanced. Only the beneficiary will strive to maintain it, and the injured party certainly hopes to alleviate this relationship. In the name of love, depriving others of their freedom is extremely abominable. If you really love me, please do what I want you to do, rather than force me to do what you want me to do.
01 How parents' desire to control
An independent member of society is not only connected with their parents, but not swallowed by contact. If parents force the relationship between their children, it is actually a distrust or denial of the inheritance relationship between their parents and children, and the result will be counterproductive and the two parties will become more alienated. One problem is that in family relationships, is it the husband-wife relationship or the parent-child relationship . If it is the former, the basis for children's independence is relatively sufficient.
If the first priority in a family relationship is the parent-child relationship, and parents must pass through their children to become a family, then the existence of the children's family is very necessary, and they cannot grow up independently and cannot leave the original family.
Because children are the basis for maintaining family relationships and the source of parents' sense of security in their families. Without children, the indirect family relationship between parents loses contact and no longer exists.
02 Why parents want to bind to their children
The situation of parents' dependence and even control over their children is common, and I have been thinking about the way I get along with my parents. I understand that my parents hope to live with me in the future. Their dependence on me is caused by the inability to live independently. The reason for this situation is probably due to the limitation of the level of productivity development, the lack of education and awareness of living out of the people.
The social development level of parents at that time determined that the society at that time did not pay enough attention to the development of personal personality at that time, and expectations for children became a great driving force for their lives.
The most important thing is that their spiritual life is relatively barren, and it is precisely because of this that children need to make up for it. It cannot be simply said that parents want to bind their children, but their growth environment, education level and part of traditional culture have led to their desire to bind their children to themselves.
Although the social development level has greatly improved today, we have not even reached material liberation, and there is still a long way to go for spiritual liberation.
03 How to resist the control of parents
After all, the child is the one who insists on having a child, and the child has no right to choose. Parents should do a good job in raising their children and supporting their children. It is really unnecessary to kidnap in the name of love.
seems to be really for the good of the child, but in most cases it is just to satisfy one's own selfish desires and oneself. It is not scary to be trapped in the body, it is not scary to be trapped in the mind. The outside world is indeed not that beautiful, but it is very exciting.
As long as you are not afraid of bearing the consequences and have the courage to overcome difficulties, even if you regret it halfway through it, don’t forget to keep moving forward sooner or later, sooner or later you will adapt to this world, and then you will truly break free from the constraints of your parents. Don’t be afraid of difficulties, don’t be afraid of regret, be brave enough to bear your own life.
In short, personality independence and self-awareness awakening should have developed in the family, preparing for dealing with interpersonal relationships, and providing a model of getting along with people.
But many families have turned around. From the birth of the child to the awakening of self-awareness, rebellion to self-independence, every normal stage of growth suppresses the child's self-awareness and becomes their own vassal. This is not only not conducive to the healthy growth of the child, but also often hurts when leaving the family and dealing with interpersonal relationships.
The most terrifying thing is that you are used to being controlled by your parents. Once you step out of your parents' control circle, you will feel a strong sense of insecurity. You can't help but escape back, thinking that even if you are controlled by your parents, it is at least safe. As the Shawshank Redemption says: "At first you hate it, then get used to it, and after a longer time, you can't live without it."
Parents have weaved the most comfortable cage for us. Since childhood, it has been the whole world. Slowly, I found that there is a world outside the cage. The world outside the cage is very different from the cage, but we found that no matter how painful it is in the cage, we can no longer leave because it is difficult for us to adapt to the outside world.
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