Author | Yang Xiaomi + Xiaoxu Editor | Xiaochen
Source | My daily life with Mr. Liu
Hello everyone, I am Xiaoxu from Sister Mi’s team.
I was taking the subway to work these two days and reading Zhihu. A discussion on a topic caught my attention: How will the relationship between left-behind children and their parents be like when they grow up? Is there anyone close to you?
’s answers below are all about not being close to each other, and even a little cold-blooded, thinking that their parents don’t love them.
went on to talk about his own experience and psychological activities of being left behind, saying how hard and painful the process of being left behind was.
This question reminds me of my childhood. I originally lived with my parents in other places, but when I got older, I had to go back to my place of residence to attend elementary school. I spent the past 6 years at my aunt's house. I only had the opportunity to go to my parents during the winter and summer vacations.
can be regarded as a stay-at-home experience, and this experience did have a great impact on me.
But it is not a bad influence. On the contrary, it gave me a happy childhood, which is an indelible and beautiful memory in my life..
1
htmlWhen I was 77 years old, I experienced the first major separation in my life.
html At the age of 77, I didn’t have a particularly clear idea about the separation. My mind was filled with curiosity about the world and the wild fantasies of a child..
Until one day, my parents cooked an extremely sumptuous meal to entertain my uncle who came from afar.
I was very distracted during this meal. The adults were discussing something seriously. I couldn’t understand, so I concentrated on picking up the food in the bowl, thinking about which cartoon would be shown on the children’s channel tonight.
After the meal, my parents conjured up a stuffed large suitcase from somewhere. They hurriedly called a taxi on the road and stuffed the luggage into the trunk of the car. I was wrapped up by my uncle and got into the car together. The destination was the train station.
I passed the security check in a daze and followed to the waiting hall.
My mother knelt down and kissed my forehead, and whispered to me that I will take the train home with my uncle today. When I get to my aunt's house, I must be good, listen to my aunt, and go to school well~ okay?
html At the age of 77, even though I don’t understand anything, when I see my mother who has always been strong in front of me, I feel something with tears in my eyes. I ask my mother, why do I want to go to my aunt’s house? Won’t mom and dad go together?
My mother was a little choked up and couldn't answer my question for a while.
The father beside me couldn’t stand it anymore, so he knelt down and explained to me that it was time for Xiaoxu to go to school, so he could only go to the city where his aunt was. His parents wanted to make money for Xiaoxu to buy delicious food, so they couldn’t go together. If Xiaoxu wanted to Mom and Dad are here, just call back~
I understand, I won’t be able to see my parents anymore, I don’t want to go to school, I don’t want to be separated from my parents, I don’t want to go to my aunt’s house, I want to be with my parents!
The more I thought about it, the sadder I became. At the crowded station, I burst into tears, causing the crowd to look at me .
At this time, the announcement of ticket checking sounded together with my loud crying, and the crowd paying attention to me suddenly dispersed and started to hurry on.
My uncle held the suitcase with one hand and my little hand with the other, trying to walk in the direction of the ticket check. I used all my strength to resist and kicked back hard with both feet, trying to prevent the separation.
My uncle was afraid of delaying the time to get on the bus, so he picked me up and walked forward regardless of my struggle.
I saw my parents getting smaller and smaller until they disappeared around the corner. In this way, I experienced the first big separation in my life..
On the train, I cried all the way. Later, maybe I was tired from crying, so I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was already at my aunt's house.
2
I stayed in the boarding house for six years, and my aunt took good care of me.
After I arrived at my aunt's house, I cried hard for two or three days.
Later I discovered that crying was useless, and my parents would not appear around me. I slowly accepted this fact and went to school honestly.
There are five brothers and sisters in my father’s family. My father is the youngest, and my aunt is the only daughter in the family and the eldest sister.
At first, my parents were worried about my going to school, and the other brothers all found various excuses to shirk it. Only my aunt took over my "mess" without saying a word.
Perhaps because she is the eldest sister, my aunt has been busy helping the family to raise her younger brothers since she was a child.
Now that her brothers have grown up and have families, she still has not been able to take some time off. Not long ago, she helped take care of the third daughter's daughter through high school, and now she has to take care of her youngest brother's child.
This has a lot to do with my aunt's kind and honest nature. She always contributes to the family silently without asking for anything in return, and she spends her whole life worrying about her family's affairs.
Although it is too much to pay from the current point of view, I am indeed very grateful to her. Without my aunt, I would not be where I am today.
My uncle is also a kind and conscientious person. Hearing that my aunt wanted to take me in, although he was a little unhappy, he didn’t say anything and even took me home from other places.
In the past six years, my aunt's family not only provided me with material conditions that exceeded the monthly living expenses sent by my parents, but more importantly, gave me a lot of unconditional love, which allowed me to spend six years healthy and happy.
At that time, my aunt’s son just went to college and left their side. Maybe my arrival made up for this lack. My aunt and uncle treated me like a daughter.
When I was in school, my aunt would wake me up on time at 6:30 every morning, and the delicious food on the table would already be ready.
The living room of my aunt's house has a large balcony facing south. When I walked out of the bedroom, the morning light hit my face, making it warm and comfortable.
html After dinner around 7:30, my uncle would take me to school, carrying my little schoolbag and pedaling on an old bicycle.
I was sitting in the back seat and watched my uncle always stretch out his arms when he turned. I also stretched out my arms to imitate his gesture. (I later learned that this was a signal to turn).
When I arrived at the school gate, my uncle took out a dozen rolls of change from his arms, and took out 1 yuan, which is my pocket money today. This is the happiest moment of my day.
At noon and evening, I will go to a nearby nursing class. School ended at 2:30 in the afternoon. After finishing my homework, I played with my friends in the nursing class.
html From 7 to 6 o'clock, my uncle would ride his old bicycle and appear at the door of the nursing class. Occasionally, my aunt would come to pick me up on foot. On the way, she would ask me, what delicious food do you want to eat tonight? I bought the ingredients on the way.
My aunt’s house was on the 8th floor. There was no elevator at that time, so I had to “climb” upstairs.
I always get to the 4th floor and I can’t walk anymore and I start to act silly. If I don’t leave, I have to let my uncle carry me, so my uncle will really carry me on his back. When I open the door at home, I will always be laughed at by my aunt. She is such a big girl, and she still has to be carried! Diudiu~
In the evening, I made an appointment with my uncle to watch my favorite cartoon before 7:30, and after 7:30, I would watch my uncle’s favorite Rule of Law online.
We always sit side by side on the carpet in front of the TV, one big and one small. My uncle handed me the peeled and chopped apple with only the pulp remaining, while watching my cartoons and commenting on the characters in them from time to time.
During bedtime, I climbed onto the small bed in my room. My aunt would open the door from time to time in the middle of the night to see if I was sleeping well.
I once didn't finish my homework. When I got home for fun, I lied and told my aunt that I had finished it at school. In fact, I hadn't finished it. I secretly wrote under the covers with a flashlight in the middle of the night. My aunt caught me and gave me a lesson.
These ordinary and warm little moments that happened every day formed my six years of memories. They were warm, quiet and peaceful, allowing me to bathe in the pond of love and have a complete and happy childhood..
My aunt’s family treated me as lovingly as my own daughter, but they were by no means doting on me. They also took great pains to educate me on how to behave and do things.
3
My aunt taught me to be sincere by example
A kind and warm person
My aunt is a person who thinks about the people around her in everything. Every time during the holidays, she makes delicious food, such as making dumplings, steamed buns, boiled tea eggs, rice dumplings and boiled elbows.
Sometimes I am confused, so I ask my aunt, can we eat after we do so much?
Auntie said, not only do we have food for ourselves, but we also bring some to the uncles, aunts and relatives living nearby.
I didn’t understand, so I asked my aunt if it was enough for me to eat. How troublesome it would be to make it for others!
My aunt said that the preparation process of these foods is relatively complicated, and not everyone may make them. We do it, so we make more of them so that everyone can have a try, and we can also use this to communicate more with relatives and neighbors.
Emotions must be actively maintained so as not to break . In this way, when someone encounters difficulties, everyone can work together and help each other.
After my aunt prepared the food, she gave it to me and asked me to take it to the neighbor's house. When I knocked on the door and handed it to the neighbor's aunt, I could always feel her uncontrollable joy.
She refused to accept it for a while, so I followed the instructions my aunt taught me, saying that I had done too much and couldn’t eat it, so I asked everyone to help digest it.
Auntie understood and accepted it. Then, while touching my head, she praised me for being sensible and asked me to go back and take care of it for my aunt.
This feeling is really good. The good feedback I received from others makes me feel that this matter is indeed meaningful and has a subtle impact on me .
When I grew up, I was not stingy about helping people around me, because helping others is something that makes people sincerely happy.
4
After I got into trouble
my aunt guided me in the right way
When I was in fourth grade, I got into a big trouble.
At that time, the school’s art class was about carving woodblock prints. The school gave everyone two woodcarving knives (this kind of woodcarving knife is like a pen, with only a small head and a small round-headed wooden stick for the grip, so it is not dangerous).
Because it will be used in several classes, it will not be collected in the short term. You can take it home and hand it in after the class is over.
After I brought the carving knife home, I used it to carve various twisted patterns on the solid wood thresholds and solid wood doors at home.
I really did it out of love at the time. I felt that it was just wood and I could perform it well. I didn’t feel that I was making mistakes.
But soon my "work" was discovered by my aunt.
My aunt first asked me angrily if I had done this. I told her honestly, saying that it was a new woodblock print I learned in school. I also told my aunt what patterns were painted in each place.
Seeing how enthusiastic I was, my aunt’s anger was half extinguished.
She sighed and said to me, if you like to make woodblock prints, I can buy you some special materials. The wood used for home decoration is different from the wood used for painting and cannot be used for carving.
Later, my aunt really took me to buy the tools and materials for carving woodblock prints (a set of 12 carving knives, 5 quarter-sized wooden boards, brushes and ink, candles, and a dozen printing papers) .
also contacted the school teacher to sign me up for the printmaking group. After school three days a week, we could sculpt together under the leadership of the school's art teacher. Later, I concentrated on the group activities and never engraved randomly at home.
Some time later, my work was sent to the competition and printed in a children's art collection. The picture was of me beating my aunt on the back.
▲It was so long ago that the album of paintings from that year can no longer be found, so I simply restored the composition of that painting from memory, hahahaha
I was thinking that if my aunt got angry at that time, scolded me severely, or even beat me up, then I might have two consequences:
One would be that I would immediately cast a shadow on the engraving and stop touching it; the other would be that I would become more rebellious and damage the family even more seriously.
No matter what the consequences are, it is detrimental to my growth.
My aunt’s approach not only corrected my mistakes, but also developed my interests and hobbies. Thinking about it now, it is really very wise.
There is an episode later when I grow up.
My aunt’s house is moving from the 8th floor to a high-rise building with an elevator. When the house was being sold, my aunt called me to complain that the house was sold for 5,000 yuan less because of the carvings I made when I was a child. She was very sad, hahahahaha.
5
I am willful and always make my aunt angry.
Of course, life in my aunt’s house has not always been plain and smooth. When I was a child, I also made my aunt angry and had a quarrel with her because of my willfulness.
One time that impressed me deeply was that my aunt had always been in the habit of taking health supplements, so she asked me to take them too, saying that it would help my growth.
But that health supplement was bitter and unpalatable, and tasted very much like licorice tablets. I had to take a lot of them at one time, so I resisted and refused to take them. Every time I refused, my aunt would get angry, and we would quarrel.
My aunt always used the name of being good for me, saying that I was just growing up, and there was no harm in taking more supplements. However, the health products at that time were really difficult for me to swallow, so I cried and rolled on the floor. (At that time, there was floor heating in the Northeast winter).
Finally, I ran to my room, closed the door, and no matter how hard my aunt knocked on the door, she wouldn't come out.
Later, my aunt would still stubbornly put health supplements in my schoolbag, and I stubbornly refused to take them.
My aunt would check the number of health supplements left in my bag after school every day. In order to escape, I deliberately and secretly threw them in the corner of the corridor at home after school (thinking about it now, my behavior at that time was really prodigal).
Until one day, when my aunt was going upstairs, she found the health care products I had thrown away and got very angry. From then on, my aunt finally stopped forcing me to take health care products...
I was really touched when I recalled this incident. Maybe it was because I felt safe enough at my aunt's house, so I could act like a spoiled "little princess" and think out of hand.
Many years later, I also understood my aunt’s good intentions back then, and I felt extremely guilty.
is written at the end
After junior high school, I returned to my parents.
The warmth and education I received at my aunt’s house helped me develop a lively and optimistic character.
For parents, when they are not around, even if they live happily at their aunt's house, they will miss them day and night. Occasionally they will wipe their tears at night and complain in their hearts. But after they become more sensible, they will understand more.
After all, my parents have opened a small restaurant in other places for several years, and they already have a good customer flow base.
If I had gone back to my hometown with me, all the hard-earned foundation would have been wasted, and my parents had no choice but to make such a choice.
During these six years of living in my aunt’s house, my aunt and uncle were like father and mother to me.
I now feel that I am very lucky. I not only enjoy the love from my parents, but also enjoy the love from my aunt and uncle.. I am enjoying the love of two sets of parents at the same time in this world. What should I be dissatisfied with?
Later, when I went to college, my parents' business encountered changes and they couldn't afford my tuition, so my aunt helped me pay for it.
After working, in addition to video calls with my parents every week, I also talk to my aunt and uncle. They have always been concerned about my life.
▲Two days ago, my aunt sent me a WeChat message and asked me about the situation of the epidemic in Shanghai
I am a person who is not good at expressing emotions in the real world. Even though I am grateful to my aunt and uncle in all kinds of ways, in reality, due to face, I cannot tell them in person.
Next time I go home, I will definitely tell them in person, thank you for giving me a happy and complete childhood!
Yang Xiaomi: Founder of self-media [Meet Xiaomi], author of the book "Monetization from Action", a Shandong native with a psychology degree, settled in Shanghai, went from ordinary employee to marketing director, and started a business in 3 years, sharing workplace experience and growth story
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