CD Mom CD Parents
Recently, a friend told me that her 11-month-old baby is very difficult to take care of. She often throws tantrums when she disagrees with her, throws tantrums, yells, and scratches when someone catches her.
You said that the child who was quite well-behaved before suddenly became a little devil?
- wanted my sister’s paintbrush, but refused to give it, and cried loudly;
- wanted to drink from a glass, but refused, and screamed loudly;
- picked up an unknown object on the ground and wanted to put it in his mouth, but couldn’t, and rolled all over the floor.
At this moment, my mood is like a kettle boiling water, sizzling.
couldn't hold back the child's butt several times.
I think many people will have similar feelings. Although the baby is tired from eating, drinking, sleeping, but fortunately most of the time, the baby is babbling happily, and the picture is once harmonious. But after
The old mother said that she may be sent away at any time.
Actually, C’s mother also wants to say:
DD At about this age, there are also stages of temper tantrums. At home, one moment there is a deep love between siblings, a loving mother and a filial piety, but the next second everything is full of chickens and chickens.
Fortunately, after the various hardships of raising a child, I, an old mother, have already developed a sharp eye, the ability to see the essence (the reasons behind it) through the phenomenon (the child's behavior) .
It’s a good thing that your child will lose his temper!
- The baby will play with whatever toys the parents give him;
- The baby will laugh with joy when the parents tease him;
- Just lie down obediently when the parents are not around;
But 9 After one month:
- He will take the initiative to choose the toys he likes to play with, and will cry irritably when he cannot get them;
- He will cry in anger when his mother insists on coaxing him to sleep when he does not want to sleep;
- When talking to his mother, he will cry anxiously when his mother does not understand.
In the eyes of us adults, children lose their temper anytime and anywhere, but in fact, this makes novice parents unprepared for the tantrums. It just shows that the baby's self-awareness is beginning to sprout.. This little baby started to have his own ideas and preferences.
At the same time, began to know how to work hard and fight for what he wanted to do, and resist the "power" of his parents. How about it, why does it sound a little cool?
Although it seemed that this stage was nothing at the time, just lose your temper and calm it down.
But after waiting, looking back as a person who has been through it, discovered that some of the problems that worry us, such as "overbearing" or "having no opinion" and "not daring to protect one's own interests", can all be answered at this stage.
When facing a child losing temper, the following practices are not advisable
As long as the child cries, the child's requirements will be met.
OS: OMG, please satisfy him quickly, as long as you can make him stop, you can do anything.
In fact, doing so is equivalent to strengthening the child's unreasonable behavior .In the early stages of life, before children understand the rules and principles of the world, they learn an experience - as long as they cry, their parents will satisfy their demands.
This is extremely scary in the long run. You mastered the method of blackmailing people at an early age when you don't understand them. When you can understand them, it becomes even more difficult to discipline them.
When a child loses his temper, parents feel irritable or want the child to calm down, so they just put him aside and ignore his crying. This is extremely detrimental to the establishment of a child's sense of security.
Of course, we mentioned before that we can selectively ignore when a child loses his temper, but this presupposes that we need to stay with the child. What we ignore is the tantrum, not the child who loses his temper.
Children who have been treated indifferently for a long time may develop two extremes. One is to develop a please-please personality. Children are worried that their parents will no longer love them and desperately try to please their parents. The second is to become irritable. In order to get the attention of parents, they use more extreme methods to achieve it. They are in a restless mood for a long time and become irritable and irritable.
As long as the child loses his temper, he will explode first.. If the child is loud, you are louder than him; if the child is collapsed, you are even more collapsed than him.
- "Little ancestor, can you stop making trouble";
- "Please, can you stop crying".
's head rushed, and then he struck twice with his hands, using this violent method to deter the child.
I won’t go into details about the principles and harms of using violence to fight violence. I believe everyone knows it.
The really difficult thing is how to control your emotions. It is so difficult to calm down when a child loses his temper.
Therefore, Mother C shares with you a method that can control emotions very well: :
First of all, we need to memorize a fact. The distress when a child loses his temper is the same as the child's laughter at the beginning, and they are both expressions of emotions. This is normal and acceptable.
This is not only for children to understand, but as parents we should always keep it in mind.
When the active volcano in your heart is about to erupt, take a deep breath and take three seconds to ask yourself, "Why does the child do this?" . Just these three seconds will immediately free you from the quagmire of emotions, and then turn to the exploration of the reasons. This is the process of transforming the emotional brain into a rational brain.
C’s mother tested it and it works. The child does not lose his temper for no reason. It depends on whether we can see through the reason behind this behavior.
Parents should do this
Many times, we are not serious enough about children as young as one month old.
When a child loses his temper, we often just calm him down or give him a hug and that's the end of it.
Of course, children at this stage have very short memories, and they can really get it done with just some coaxing.
But what was solved was only the emotion at the time, and the real problem was not solved. As children grow up, many problems escalate. When our "coaxing" loses its effect, we will have to pay a more "tragic" price when we look for solutions.
Therefore, from the beginning, we must face the issue of losing temper and learn to "interpret" the needs of the child.
Take DD as a child. At that time, he was always very irritable and wanted to get angry with you. I would ask, "What does the baby want to do? Can you point it to mommy?" Then DD would point to the door with his little chubby finger. In fact, he wanted to go out. Once you understand your child's needs, things become easier.If I can't go downstairs to relax, I usually say, "It's dark now, so I can't go out. Mommy, let's hold you and walk around the house."
It has been proven that children calm down after just two walks around the house. There will be no resistance when starting other links.
Again, any emotion is normal and can be accepted. This is something we need to let our children understand from the very beginning.
- can cry when he is sad;
- can shout when he is angry.
Not only happiness is good, sadness, anger, irritability, depression, etc. are all allowed and accepted. This is very important for establishing a sense of security for children in the future.
When we face a child throwing a tantrum, the first thing we have to do is accept the child's emotions, identify with the child's feelings, and help the child come up with solutions.
- My sister took away your toy. Are you very angry? Then next time you can shout to warn her;
- If you can’t eat the cookies, the baby will be very anxious, right? Next time, you can use your fingers to show it to your mother;
- If your baby is tired and wants to sleep and feels uncomfortable, you can lie down on your own quilt to let your mother understand;
- Mom knows that your baby is very sad now. You can cry in your mother's arms for a while, but you can't hit anyone next time.
Use language to help children express their emotions at that time, so that children can understand what emotions they are experiencing at this time. This allows children to slowly build up their understanding of emotions and slowly practice controlling their emotions.
Don’t think that your children are too young because they can’t understand so many words. Children grow up inadvertently. Wait until you are sure that the child can understand. If the child has already formed a certain behavior pattern, it will be too late.
Moreover, it turns out that children can understand their parents' meaning very early without even guessing. It's not that the children don't understand you, but that you don't understand the children yet.
When children fight for their own interests, the bottom line of temptation is often "to push the envelope even further." If you take one step back this time, he will take two steps forward. If you don't care about him tearing down the table this time, he may go to the house and tear down the tiles next time. Moreover, the ability to cry, make trouble, and hang herself is even more self-taught. She will do whatever it takes to achieve her goals, and she will never give up or abandon her. This is clearly reflected in her child.
No matter it is impossible, as for how to manage it, it involves "setting rules" that we have mentioned many times before. Tell your children gently and firmly what is allowed and what is not allowed. Use constructive and non-harmful methods to help your child develop good behavior.
It is very important for children to understand that they are independent people, can have their own ideas, and understand where their own boundaries are.
When a child changes from a well-behaved and cute little baby to losing his temper frequently, this is actually giving us a signal. tells us that the child's "self" is beginning to sprout . We can no longer treat the child as an appendage split from our own body, but should treat the child as an independent and free individual.
When TA starts to lose his temper, we must start to change our thinking. On the premise of ensuring his safety, treat the little guy in front of us equally and independently.
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