Not long ago, a mother wrote to me for help.
Her husband has been away from home for a long time, and she encountered difficulties with taking care of two children alone: her 11-year-old sister is in the fifth grade and is a well-behaved girl in the teacher's mind.
However, in mid-to-late October, he was criticized by the math teacher for being unreasonably punished and punished by his classmates. After being ridiculed by his classmates, he came back and collapsed and cried, locked himself in the room.
Mom has a better time after high-quality company, but she will still suddenly stop eating or drinking, yelling and having a bad attitude. I will do my homework until late at night every day.
hasn't gone to school for a week now. It's useless to reason. It's just a little bit too much, and I don't want to live anymore. My mother was very anxious, her work was affected, and her physical and mental state became worse.
I have also heard of some similar cases and feel sorry for this mother. want to make some appeals:
01 Call for absent fathers, the world needs you
After the child is 6 years old, fathers are of great significance to the child.
The absence of a father will make the child, especially the daughter, very easily lack security .
Children who lack security are very sensitive inside and are easily trapped in negative emotions.
They always put their value in others' evaluation of themselves, lack confidence and affirmation, are particularly sensitive, and their children are relatively fragile.
02 calls on everyone to pay more attention to mother
When everyone turns their attention to their children, I hope to turn my attention to mother. Mom is the person who needs company and love the most.
Everyone says that the mother's temper determines the atmosphere at home, but the lack of father lets the mother carry the burden of parenting alone. Who will love the mother?
How can she have the strength to love her children?
Facing this situation, my mother is the easiest to collapse, and I hope my mother can get company and understanding.
What parent-child relationships, accepting children, high-quality companionship, love and discipline are all back-site !
03 calls on teachers to cherish their children's self-esteem
I have no right to judge whether the teacher's behavior is right or wrong. Obviously, the problem with the child is . It starts with being criticized by the teacher.
Maybe we think it is not normal for us to be criticized by the teacher, and it is not normal for us to stand in the wrong place?
However, for us, it may be a very small thing for children. For children, it may be a big deal for them.
A well-behaved, obedient and good-study girl was suddenly criticized and punished by the teacher in front of her classmates. Is her heart in a turbulent way?
If this experience inspired a certain traumatic memory within her, it might exceed the child's ability to bear it.
This incident is just a fuse. What we see is the part above the iceberg, and some below the iceberg is the key point.
Coincidentally, I saw a video a few days ago: A girl from the second grade of junior high school did not have morning exercises at one time.
As a result, the child was criticized by the teacher and was punished to stand for three weeks and stopped going to school. He was addicted to mobile games and refused to meet people.
Later, The child was diagnosed with schizophrenia .
Although it cannot be said that these are all caused by teachers, I also want to call on more teachers to pay more attention to children's mental health and respect their self-esteem.
04 Please do not criticize your children for being too fragile
Children of this age are in adolescence. On the one hand, they are in their hearts, extremely eager to be paid attention to and care very much about other people's evaluations;
On the other hand, sensitive and inferior , and often fall into negative emotions because of the words and deeds of some people.
They want to live their true selves, but they are often afraid of not being recognized and fearful. This entanglement and conflict between
often leads them to internal friction and have no strength to face everything they have experienced. lying flat becomes a last resort.
You will definitely say, why are children nowadays so fragile?
Yes!
The biggest difference between children in this era and the past is that they have a lot of pressure to study, few or almost zero companions, parents are very busy, they don’t have time to accompany their children, or even if they are not attentive, the children’s hearts have become an isolated island.
Once something happens, it will be vulnerable and cannot get up in a crash.
When we were young, even if we were beaten and scolded by our parents, we would go out to climb a tree and climb a wall with our friends, and nothing happened.
But nowadays, there are too few opportunities like this, more about homework and study.
Now what my son learned in the third grade, I seem to be learning it in junior high school.
And I can't figure it out, why are so many children getting 100 points in now?
I am an adult with a master's degree and once tried it, but I couldn't even get 100 points in the primary school exam.
Facing such high peer pressure , I don’t know how my child feels in his heart?
What should I do now?
First of all, The child's heart is experiencing a war without gunpowder, and he has no power to face everything , so this is how it is.
Her ability to manage emotions is dysregulated. Many negative emotions cannot be expressed and can only be vented by yelling. is like a computer system is disordered.
At this time, it is useless to reason and enter information to her, and it will only make her more disgusted.
The only thing you can do is help her restore the system . Only when you have the strength in your heart can you win this stick.
But how to recover?
If mothers want to help their children, they must first help themselves. If you fall down, who will help their children?
So, the first step in is to love yourself well!
Mom is calm and powerful, and then helps her children. Remember not to be the redeemer of her children. The eagerness to save her children with one mind may backfire.
Secondly, mothers are powerful, can accompany you more and stop being reasonable , find the bright spots of children every day appreciate children, encourage children to tell their inner feelings, but also give children space and wait for . Spend time with your children every day to find things about being grateful to .
Again, be a good bridge between teachers and children and restore the teacher-student relationship. Be honest and in-depth communication with the teacher, do not put the teacher opposite you, and win the cooperation of the teacher with sincerity.
Ba schools cooperate to help children together.
Written at the end
In the process of parenting, I also experienced a lot of pain and torture!
Most of the time, the more I I want to solve the problem, the more I will be caught by the problem and unable to move!
However, looking back now, this temporary disadvantage may also be transformed into another temporary advantage.
The difficulties that God made me experience are all trying to temper me, making my heart stronger and braver, and becomes someone else's blessing.
If I still have peace and joy in difficulties? I found the true meaning of life in !
When I allow difficulties to exist, I no longer regard my own difficulties as the center of my life. Regardless of whether this difficulty has faded or not, I have the power to face difficulties and get out of them!
I often try to look farther and look at the big picture of the whole life .
The difficulty is like the black dots in life paintings. It is not only insignificant, but also indispensable. It is even because of the black dots that can set off life's highlights .
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