Hello everyone, I am the treasure trove of parenting
Today, Kaikai's mother brought a small car to the kindergarten. She was very embarrassed to say to Hanghang's mother: "I'm really embarrassed. Kaikai was very happy to play around when he came home. He said it was given by Hanghang, but I didn't take it seriously. Unexpectedly, the child liked it so much that he took it home secretly and lied. I'm really sorry, I'll give you Hanghang."
After knowing this, we went to the class to ask the children. It turned out that Kaikai liked this car so much, because Hanghang put it on the cloak cabinet, and the child took it home. Hanghang went back and told the mother about this. The two children had a good relationship and the mother was also good, so we went back to chat, so we saw a scene in the morning.
This scene happened today. Kaikai's mother also communicated with the teacher and found that the child had indeed lie recently. For example, today's incident was clearly the child who liked to take it back quietly, but because of his own preference, he said it was given by someone else. Although it was not a big deal, Kaikai's mother was also worried that if she didn't communicate with the child, the child would become more and more intense.
As the child grows up, we will find that the child’s personality is becoming more and more abundant, but there will also be some small problems and thoughts. Just like Kaikai, it is actually normal. However, as parents, we do need guidance in order to enable children to have the correct view of right and wrong.
Is it intentional for a child to lie? Do we criticize children when they lie?
In fact, for children, children lying is divided into two types. Generally, children lying is divided into two types: fake lying and real lying.
What is false lying: Generally, after the age of 3, children say things that do not match the facts due to errors in memory, imagination, association and judgment.
This situation is very common in the early childhood stage. For example, we often hear children chatting. I took a plane to play on the grassland this holiday, and another child would say, I also took a plane out to play. In fact, this child does not have it, but this child thinks it is good to take a plane, and blurts out that this type of lying is actually a false lying.
Because children have low cognitive level at this age, it is easy to regard imagination as reality. Just like above, there is also the kindergarten Kaikai who is poor in self-control and is prone to self-centeredness. He takes toys home because of his excessive liking. Kaikai does not think he has done something wrong, because he is lying because of his unclear moral understanding of this age.
. Fake lying will gradually disappear as the child grows up, and the cognitive and moral level will gradually improve. With the normal guidance of parents, the child's fake lying will slowly disappear.
What is true lying: Usually true lying is when children make up unrealistic words in order to achieve certain goals and wishes.
There are many factors that cause children to lie in real life, such as family factors. Some families are too strict in managing children, and children will lie because they are afraid of being beaten and scolded. Communication between young children will also be due to envy or inferiority complex, and there will be something that is not available at home.
In fact, it is normal for young children to lie in false sense. We don’t have to make a fuss. It is a reaction of the child’s low cognitive level, but it also represents the development of children’s cognition. If we find that children are lying in true sense, we need to guide the child in the right direction.
So if we discover that our children are lying, how should we guide them as parents?
Step 1: Determine whether the child is lying in a true way or false lying in a false way.
First of all, we need to judge whether the child is lying in a true way or false lying. Generally speaking, children who are lying before the age of 3 are false lying, while children who are 4 years old can lie strategically and can cover up their lying behavior.
The importance of paying attention to true lying is that it must be more important than false lying. No matter what kind of lying, we need correct guidance to our children in the early stages, and things can be twice the result with half the effort.
Step 2: Judge the internal reasons that cause the child to lie.
There must be a reason for children to lie, and there are usually several situations.
1. Children lie to satisfy their inner needs: For example, if a child wants to buy toys, he may say that buying stationery will cost more money, and he will also buy the toys he wants.
2. Lie can avoid punishment: As experienced people, we may have told such lies when we were young. For example, when adults go out, we peek at TV, and we are afraid of being scolded, so we will secretly lie and learn without watching TV.
3. Children’s inferiority and vanity are causing trouble: Although children are young, they also have inferiority and vanity. For example, if someone else has a large electric toy car, the child may not make up his own vanity and say that he also has it at home.
In fact, these are the internal reasons that cause children to lie. As parents, we can analyze the children's lying psychology and guide them in a targeted manner.
Step 3: Guide
1. Establish correct understanding and do not do big questions or sit idly by.
Swiss psychologist Piaget said: The tendency to lie is a natural tendency, it is so spontaneous and so common that we can regard it as a basic component of children's self-centered thinking.
Children lying does not mean bad conduct or quality problems. It is an inevitable stage of children's growth and development. We can just deal with it in a timely manner according to their children's situation.
Usually, we can deal with it like this:
2 years old : We should not blame the child when he finds that he is lying.
2-5 years old : When faced with children's lying behavior, we should teach them randomly and not exaggerate their behavior and deliberately criticize and educate them.
5-12 years old: At this time, children have a certain moral cognition and judgment. We can discuss this with children, seize the educational opportunities in life, and help children establish a correct view of right and wrong.
For children's lying behavior, when we understand the child's heart, we will find that lying is not as serious as imagined, and it is most suitable to let the flow and guide it naturally.
2. Pay attention to parent-child communication and establish an equal and safe family atmosphere.
Many times, because parents discipline too strictly or ignore their children too much, children are prone to lie because they are afraid of punishment, or lie because they seek attention. Because of improper communication methods, parents' parenting methods will be rough and unreasonable, which is not conducive to the growth of children.
If the family atmosphere is relaxed and pleasant enough, we will find that children will express their inner thoughts freely and will not lie with timidity and fear. The family environment seems invisible, but its impact on children is invisible and powerful.
3. Discover the child's lying behavior and give the child the opportunity to make up for it and guide it correctly.
When you discover your child's lying behavior, it is actually an educational opportunity. For example, when the child is not practicing the piano, but secretly plays on his mobile phone and watches games, and deceives his parents and tells lies, we need to let the child reflect on his own behavior and let the child think about how to correct it. If the child does not know, we can give the child advice, provide correct guidance, and cultivate the child's quality of honesty and trustworthiness.
For children of the younger age, we can also let children know the consequences of lying through the traditional story "The Wolf is Coming" and educate children to be responsible for lying, but some consequences are difficult to bear.
Know the reason why children lie. We prescribe the right medicine is the most effective way. We can follow the steps and methods step by step. Not only can we take our parent-child relationship to a higher level, but we can also use "bad habits" to become good quality. Smart parents will use it. What other good methods do you have? Welcome to exchange and discuss in the comment area.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-