However, compared to these tags, I am more concerned and envious. is the "sagging feeling" that she exudes from the inside out as a mother.
She has always been very calm and peaceful when it comes to getting along with her three children.
She will often keep communication with the children smoothly and achieve trust between parents and children;
She will often take her children to travel around, not only to exercise and increase their experiences, but also to learn and improve with the children;
While educating the children, she does not forget to manage herself well, and not lose her studies, career and hobbies.
Now she is over fifty years old and returns to school again, continues to study for her PhD at Berkeley, California, and almost starts school with her children.
After reading Zhang Mei’s life experience, I deeply realized that -
It turns out that the best way for a mother to live is to raise her children freely and raise herself richly.
Free-raising children
Children can be independent and confident
I have seen many mothers around me, and I especially like to plan everything for my children.
In life, we worry about children in every detail and take care of them all;
also devotes all our efforts to the future of children and creates a list-based life for children.
As a result, the children raised are still unsatisfactory. They are either lazy and have no self-centeredness; or they are irritable and increasingly rebellious. Why is this happening to
? There is only one answer:
is because you have too much control.
When you treat yourself as a carpenter and carve and shape your child according to your own ideas, it will also imprison the child's soul.
Real visionary mothers know how to use free-range growth to give their children a pair of wings of freedom.
Just like Zhang Mei, she will try her best to give children the right to choose independently in life, but provide guidance in principle and general direction.
For example, when my youngest daughter Sophie was 12 years old, she opened a small shop with handmade quilts.
At the beginning, my daughter just sewed a small quilt and a small blanket to give to children of the same age, but she didn't expect it to be very popular.
Later, at the suggestion of a friend, my daughter wanted to open an online store to sell her own sewn quilts.
(Sophie quilt)
Ordinary parents will definitely think that these are "useless" and "not doing their jobs", but Zhang Mei saw the love of her children and agreed happily.
, but at the same time, it also made a request, that is, the daughter must promise to do it for one year and not give up halfway.
After my daughter opened this small online store, she could still get up early to go to the store to purchase fabrics on Saturdays.
(Sophie goes to purchase)
She even learned what "revenue", " profit " and "cost" are through this small business, including the pricing of the quilt, whether the postage is reasonable, etc.
In Zhang Mei's view, this is a process of learning and entertainment.
No matter what the result is, the qualities of persistence, dedication, pursuit, and love that children learn from are very important.
In fact, my daughter has indeed become very driven and becomes more and more independent in doing things.
In fact, is the so-called free-range breeding. What is divergent is the child's thinking and what is cultivated is the child's potential.
Just like Zhang Mei once sighed: "I think the greatest help parents can give their children is to let their children see that there are different choices in life."
Instead of dominating the child's life and forcing him to do something he is not good at, it is better to respect the child's personality and allow the child to live the way he likes.
In this way, children can discover their love through continuous exploration and control their future with confidence.
Raise yourself rich
Family can relax and be happy
Have you noticed that from the moment the child is born, many women have died, and only "XX Mom" survived instead.
They no longer visit shopping malls and cinemas, and the places they go most often have become supermarkets and interest classes;
They give up a lot of time and are confined to the kitchen and dining table day and night.
great and selfless, but extremely sad.
I remember seeing a message in the background:
After giving birth to the second baby, I have been staying at home to take care of my children for almost three years.
I send my eldest son to school every day, and when I come back, I have to go shopping, cook for my second son, coax me to bed, and do housework. I am busy every day;
I have almost spent all my energy in the past three years, and I have no time to clean up myself, and even my clothes are from four years ago.
But every time I complain to my child's father, he would just underestimate it, and even say I was nervous;
I couldn't help but yell at my child several times, either quarreling with my husband, and the house was always full of gunpowder...
American writer Suz Lula pointed out in his book "Theory of Mother's Evolution":
A mother who is in a heart that has no good care of herself is like a car with an empty gas tank. No matter how hard you step on the accelerator, it is just an idle.
When a mother keeps sacrificing herself, she is easily anxious, wronged, tired, and full of negative energy. This barren aura of
This barren aura is not only difficult to give children positive guidance, but also creates a cramped family atmosphere.
" Our Marriage ", Shen Huixing, who was once a top student, worked as a full-time mother for six years, doing his best for the family, but he was not recognized by her husband Sheng Jiangchuan.
She began to quarrel with her husband under grievance and disappointment, and the cold war between her family made her messy.
Later, she made up her mind to return to the workplace and regrouped her own rock band, slowly regaining her value, with more and more confidence and smiles on her face.
I remember one time, Shen Huixing sang on stage, and his daughter applauded her desperately in the audience.
Later, Sheng Jiangchuan took his daughter on a business trip and happened to encounter an event. His daughter went on stage to perform a show generously, and told her father that she must be confident.
At that time, Sheng Jiangchuan was stunned for a moment and sighed sincerely: Your mother educated you very well.
Sheng Jiangchuan discovered that the Shen Huixing, who was devoted to his career, and the outstanding woman who shines, were the most attractive to him.
So, he began to reflect on himself, understand the difficulties his wife has been doing over the years, and took the initiative to devote more time to the family and children.
The two finally settled their past grudges and worked together to start a happy and vibrant life.
Professor Hong Lan mentioned in his speech:
Women's emotional energy is far more than that of men. Mother is the soul of the family. Mother is happy and the whole family is happy. Mother is anxious and the whole family is anxious.
Mom manages herself well and has a more peaceful mindset. This confident and pleasant state will be fed back to the family and will make the family atmosphere more relaxed and harmonious.
When the mother's soul is full, the child will also be influenced by the eyes and become happy and free.
Mother's best state
is to live out your own
Once I saw a post from a middle-aged mother online:
My son has graduated for 3 years, and his work has been repeatedly frustrated. He really wants to quit his job and take the postgraduate entrance examination for the major of architecture.
She supported her with both hands. In order to encourage her son, she was determined to regain her dream when she was young and study in the field of vocal music.
The mother and son study together every day and accompany each other. After more than a year of hard work, she actually got a graduate student at the Conservatory of Central China Normal University before her son.
I think this is the best state for a mother.
allows children to become others, and even more so allows themselves to be themselves. In the documentary " Second Time in Life ", 42-year-old Huang Meifang went away after graduating from high school and has been working outside.
Now, her son is about to enter junior high school.
In order for the child to continue to study in Shenzhen, she decided to settle in Shenzhen by obtaining an undergraduate degree and a social salary certificate.
However, picking up the book again in his forties is really a arduous challenge for Huang Meifang, who has a high school education.
For this reason, she was busy every day:
had to be busy in the factory all day during the day, and after returning home at night, she had to do housework and urge her son to do her homework;
Until late at night and her family was asleep, she had time to sit at the dim dinner table, listening carefully to the video course while taking notes.
Even on weekends, you have to do 2 hours of subway to go to a far place to teach.
Just like that, Huang Meifang got a college diploma and took exams one after another, becoming an undergraduate student at Shandong University , and also went from a front-line female worker to a "line length".
Under the influence of Huang Meifang, the naughty son was also deeply infected and devoted himself to his studies.
Sometimes when he sees his mother playing with her mobile phone, he will always deliberately joke:
"Don't you say that learns until you live to the old age? Why don't you continue to learn?"
At this time, the two will motivate each other and work together towards their respective ideals.
In fact, the best investment for a mother is to achieve herself while achieving her children.
What children need more than a great and selfless mother is a role model with value and pursuit.
When a mother does not give up her dreams and strives for a rich and magnificent life, the child will naturally follow her mother's footsteps and walk out of a bright and distant future.
Suz Lula once said:
"I found that when I care about myself, my children are beneficiaries. I found that we must first care about our hearts at all costs - the core of our body, mind, emotions and inner life.
Our own transformation is the greatest gift to children, allowing them to be themselves freely."
Mother is the leader of children's life, and there is a deep bond between them.
Before loving your children, I hope you will learn to love yourself first;
Before running a family well, I hope you will learn to manage yourself first;
Before raising others, I hope you will learn to support yourself first.
"Like it". I hope that mothers can remove the layers of shackles on their bodies, live like a beam of light, guide their children to rush to the sea of stars together.
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