01 Many parents will encounter this problem: the more encouraged their children, the less they want to learn. Why is this? In today's educational environment, more and more families advocate an educational model of more encouragement and praise, but why do children still want to

01

Many parents will encounter this problem: the more they encourage their children, the less they want to learn. Why is this?

In today's educational environment, more and more families advocate an educational model of more encouragement and praise, but why do children still want to give up halfway when they encounter difficulties and find it difficult to persevere?

Let’s first look at a true story.

Youyou is 7 years old this year. Her academic performance is pretty good and she also has many hobbies in her spare time, such as painting.

Youyou started to like graffiti when she was 3 years old. Later, Youyou's mother found that her daughter had a talent for painting, so she enrolled her in a painting study class this year.

But since I started the painting study class, Youyou has no interest in painting. In the past, she had to go outdoors to sketch every weekend. Now, let alone sketching, Youyou hasn't been holding a brush for a long time. The teacher in the drawing class of

also called Youyou and said, "Youyou is in a bad state recently and doesn't want to draw in the class. Is it too much pressure to study?"

Then, Youyou ran to her mother and said, "Mom, I don't want to go to the drawing class anymore."

Mother asked Youyou why, but she didn't speak. So the mother encouraged Youyou: "Child, you are talented. Look at Xiaoxiao next door insisting on learning to draw. Now he has won awards, he can do it, you can, so, stick to it."

Youyou didn't feel encouraged at all after hearing this. Instead, she cried loudly, crying while crying and never wanted to go to the drawing class again.

Youyou's mother was at a loss. When she recalled that she was not too strict with her daughter's education method, she was actually not very strict. Instead, she was mainly encouraged. Especially in painting, her mother always expressed her great support, but why did Youyou still give up? Can only crackdown education methods allow children to learn to persevere?

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In fact, Youyou's mother did nothing wrong, but this kind of encouragement method is unacceptable to the children.

Why do you say so?

Youyou has loved painting since she was a child, and she has also shown her talent in this regard. This incident gave Youyou a lot of confidence.

But since I took the painting class, Youyou suddenly became less interested in painting, which is very worthy of attention from parents.

Because from the perspective of Youyou's performance of wanting to give up painting, she didn't want to give up because she didn't like painting, but for other reasons. The reason for is an important clue to determine whether Youyou can continue to learn.

However, when her daughter proposed to give up painting, Youyou's mother ignored the deep voice in the child's heart, but immediately took an encouragement method to cheer her daughter up and told her not to give up easily. is actually a negative reinforcement for children.

I said that there must be a reason why children don’t want to continue learning to draw. No matter what, In short, the child has already developed a "fear of difficulties" in painting. This emotion will destroy her interest in painting, blow her confidence, and ultimately make her want to give up.

At this time, parents come forward to encourage their children, but in fact they have not played a role. On the contrary, such encouragement is more like a provocation for children.

Because with the encouragement of her mother, she only felt that she was not as good as other people's children. Youyou, who is so talented, is not as good as Xiaoxiao in the next door, and of course she feels uncomfortable.

In fact, you can feel from here that the idea of ​​Youyou giving up learning to draw is essentially derived from "incompetence".

She may have suffered setbacks when painting, or the teacher's criticism made her feel that she was bad. In short, judging from Youyou's repulsive reaction to painting, she must have encountered difficulties.

For young children, encountering difficulties in a certain matter will make them feel very frustrated, because they have no idea about failure and success.

So, as parents, we should not only help our children solve their learning and life problems, but also pay attention to the negative emotions arising from their frustration, rather than encouraging them to persevere.

We must know that negative emotions will make everyone have an illusion about what they are doing. For example, Youyou's negative emotions make her feel that she doesn't like drawing, so she wants to give up.

It seems that if you want your child to learn to persevere, you must first help your child face his negative emotions correctly, so that he can learn to face, accept and maintain confidence.

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In fact, it is correct to adhere to the encouragement education method, but we must not encourage children in too official words, but encourage them in light of the real situation of the children.

So, what should we do when our children encounter difficulties, develop negative emotions, and want to give up the things they have persisted for a long time

First of all, we must encourage children to face difficulties.

Whether children are studying or living, it is common for them to encounter difficulties. If they are depressed because of difficulties every time, then the children will not be able to face greater storms in the future.

So we have to tell our children that no matter who it is, even parents will encounter various difficulties. We must treat it as a small monster and then find a way to eliminate it. Just like playing games, when we eliminate more and more small monsters, our ability will become stronger and stronger, and we will defeat the big monster in the future.

Then, we should encourage children to regain their confidence.

The necessary condition for success is self-confidence. If the child does not have self-confidence, it will be easier for him to give up when doing things.

So, don’t rush to tell your child that he must overcome difficulties. We must first accept the child’s failure and then help him accept himself.

Only by accepting his own failure can he have the strength to get up and start over. If he just stands in place and is struggling with how to overcome difficulties, it will be difficult for him to overcome them.

Finally, we must be good comrades to our children.

As a parent, instead of treating yourself as a commander who is superior, it is better to be a comrade-in-arms of your children!

No matter what difficulties the child encounters, we must carry the "weapon" to help the child overcome the difficulties together. In the process of helping the child, even without saying too much encouragement, the child can feel the support of his parents.

written at the end

Many psychologists have found that the more optimistic a child is, the easier it is to stick to things.

Because optimism brings children a strong ability to accept, that is to say, optimistic children will allow difficulties to happen and also allow themselves to fail. No matter what happens, they can adjust their mentality in time and face it with strength.

So, don’t blindly believe in any so-called educational method. Each child’s situation is different. We need to formulate exclusive parenting plans based on the real situation of our children.

Encouragement is an indispensable harmonic for children's growth, and of course it should also be moderate. The correct way of encouragement in can make children more optimistic and resilient.

Dad, do you have any small ways to encourage your children? You can leave your experience in the message area below and share it with more parents!