A few days ago, I received a message from a parent saying that since the child went to kindergarten, he had learned to quarrel with his parents. Every time the parents criticize him, he will reject it and say some words that hurt the parents' hearts. This parent is very confused.

A few days ago, I received a message from a parent saying that since the child went to kindergarten, he had learned to quarrel with his parents.

Every time the parents criticize him, he will reject it and say some words that hurt the parents' hearts.

This parent is very confused. If he does not criticize his children, he will not be aware of the mistakes he has made. But now it seems that criticizing him will make him more aware of the mistakes and will also have to speak harshly to his parents.

In fact, many children have such problems. They often talk back and quarrel with their parents, which makes them very sad.

This is a true portrayal of many families in our country. When encountering problems, they will only quarrel and will not speak well.

However, most of the problems with children come from parents who cannot speak well.

A "Survey on Focus Issues in China's Family Education" in 2016 showed that 10.6% of families in have communication problems, mainly between parents and children.

This kind of communication problem is not only reflected in the fact that the child is criticized by parents. Sometimes, parents want to care about their children, but the words change their taste.

Famous actor Song Dandan is like this. Last year, Song Dandan and her son Batu participated in a variety show - "Home of Life " together. In the show, Song Dandan often mocked her son, and even the words of caring about her son made people feel different.

She thought Batu was too fat and asked others to find something for him to do;

Batu went to pick corn, and when she came back, Song Dandan said that she had given birth to a waste and could not do anything.

Although Song Dandan said that the speaker was unintentional, Batu was intentional. However, he did not argue with his mother, but ran to the side to work silently.

Later, someone asked him: "Has your mother always been fierce to you?"

Batu nodded, saying that he was always criticized by his mother for being ignorant since he was a child.

From her words of criticism of Batu, calling the mother can still feel Song Dandan’s love for her son, but this kind of love is too hurtful for the child.

Parents cannot speak well with their children, which is a kind of " language violence " for their children, which will cause huge harm to their children.

Because the thinking patterns of adults and children are different, many parents do not realize that what they say is a harm to their children.

For example, there was a program called "Youth Talk", and a girl complained that her mother was too "poisonous".

Once a math test was failed, my mother roared on the phone: "You are really a talent, how can you become this ghost?"

This is indeed too sharp. The child had already suffered the feeling of losing the exam, and his mother poured a basin of cold water on him.

But for this matter, my mother thought that her way of speaking was fine, because she wanted to express her concern for her daughter through this sharp and sharp language.

This concern is too heavy!

For a child who is not well-informed in the world, he cannot easily distinguish what others say is kind and which are malicious.

So, an unintentional sentence is likely to hurt the child's heart.

In an intimate relationship, the communication between the two parties conveys an emotion.

For example, when a mother criticizes her child for not doing well in the exam with sharp words, what the child feels is not the parents’ concern, but the parents’ denial.

Because parents' tone of being too impatient and some words with negative meanings will make children feel disliked.

After a long time, there will be a distance between parents and children.

University of Wisconsin Clinical Psychology Doctor Marshall Luxembourg once said: "When language tends to ignore people's feelings and needs, thus causing distantness and harm to each other, this way of communication makes it difficult to understand the love in the heart."

Of course, many parents will ask: Then can't criticize their children in the future?

In fact, criticism does not mean verbal violence, and effective communication is more effective than blindly accusing.

First of all, please think about it, whether it is criticizing your child or reasoning with your child, what is the ultimate purpose?

I think all parents will answer: to make their children better.

Yes, as parents, we all hope that our children’s future will get better and better. However, if we can learn to talk to our children, our children's future will be better.

So next, I will share some things that parents need to pay attention to when communicating with their children.

First, don’t communicate with your children with emotions.

I said that when parents communicate with their children, their children can feel their emotions, so even if they want to criticize their children, parents should pay attention to controlling their emotions and not be angry.

Second, do not aim for negation.

Although the child has made a mistake, when parents communicate with their children, remember not to deny the whole child because of a certain mistake.

uses analysis errors instead of accusing errors, and the effect will be very good.

3, first soothe the child's emotions.

Many children are afraid to communicate with their parents because they are afraid of being criticized and denied.

So no matter what happens to the child, parents should comfort their children's emotions as soon as possible.

When the child's emotions gradually calm down, his ability to accept will also improve. At this time, the child can absorb what the parents say well.

Good communication can make children's growth healthier and happier. In fact, there is no universal communication method. Parents only need to remember that they must "talk well" to their children.