Recently, a parent left a message to his mother, saying that his child's academic performance has dropped significantly. The teacher took the initiative to communicate with the parent, saying that his child is always distracted during class.
The parent said that her child's grades have always been among the best in the class, but recently it has dropped to nearly the last, which makes her very anxious. Not only that, the child is in a bad state and always feels like he can't wake up.
So, the parent immediately asked the child: "Are you always distracted in class recently? What's going on?"
The child's answer made the parents laugh and cry: "It was the classmate behind who didn't let me study. He kept talking and disturbed me to listen to the class."
. Parents will definitely not believe this excuse, but there is no way to deal with the child.
Many parents have encountered situations where their children always make excuses. Although parents can see through it every time, there is no good way to let their children tell the truth.
Some parents believe that their children always like to make excuses and lie. This is a matter of character and should be strictly educated to help them correct it.
So is this really the case?
Below, the mother of the call will explain to parents from a psychological perspective: Why children always like to make excuses.
Finding excuses is actually a psychological defense mechanism
After people are frustrated, their emotions will become nervous or even fearful, and they will psychologically avoid the facts. This is actually the bad feelings that people bring to themselves in order to defend against negative emotions. The same is true for children. When they do something wrong or are frustrated, they will turn on this defense mechanism to relieve their tension and fear.
When the child turns on the defense mechanism, the next step is to take psychological defense measures, such as lying and making excuses.
For example, the parent mentioned at the beginning of the article felt nervous when he asked his child why he didn't listen carefully in class. so he took psychological defense measures, which was to find excuses to rationalize the fact that he was distracted in class.
In fact, it is normal for children to have such behavior. This is a natural psychological effect, but if there is a lack of correct guidance, then children are likely to regard making excuses and lying as a habit.
If you want to help your child correct this behavior, parents should pay attention to two points:
1. Don’t scold the child immediately after he makes a mistake
Call the mother once said that people will feel nervous and fear due to setbacks, especially for children.
If the child makes a mistake or experiences setbacks, the parents first scold and question him, then he will avoid this matter more psychologically.
In order not to make yourself over-indense and fear, children will try to rationalize what they do with excuses, which is the so-called making excuses.
2. Don’t do too many things or take too much responsibility for your children
Call the mother always emphasizes to all parents that try not to do too many things or take too much responsibility for your children. In fact, it is not only to cultivate children’s independence, but also to let children learn not to make excuses. Why do you say so?
If parents do everything for their children, then if the child makes mistakes when doing things, then they will naturally put the blame on their parents, because parents usually do everything.
When a child has no clear boundary for responsibility in his heart, he will not have a clear understanding of whether his behavior is right or wrong.
Many parents may want to ask: What should I do if my child is always looking for excuses or lying?
Next, let’s discuss together how to help children correct their behavior of making excuses and lying.
In fact, blindly speaking reasoning and accusing children will not help them, but will make their children's avoidance mentality worse, so they will love to make excuses more.
Parents can try the following methods to fundamentally solve the behavior of children looking for excuses.
1. Help children build a cognition of mistakes and frustrations
The reason why many children like to make excuses is that in their hearts, errors or frustrations are negative things. Everyone is psychologically unacceptable to negative things, let alone children who are mentally immature.
Therefore, parents should help their children establish a sense of mistakes and setbacks in their daily lives, and not make them feel that making mistakes or encountering difficulties is meaningless and must be criticized.
What parents need to do is to let their children learn to face mistakes and setbacks. For example, in daily life, parents can often say to their children: "It's great to make mistakes/experience difficulties, so I have another chance to learn!"
The principle here is to guide children to exclude and accept the perception of mistakes and setbacks, so that they no longer escape because they are afraid of accusations.
2. Guide children to learn to take responsibility
Children who are brave enough to take responsibility often do not make excuses, or rarely make excuses, because when they make mistakes or encounter setbacks, they will attribut the blame instead of blindly pushing the responsibility to others.
So when a child is young, parents should guide the child to learn to take responsibility as soon as possible.
First of all, parents should avoid the following situation:
If the child falls, parents can comfort him, but they must not say "It's all because of mom/dad's fault."
Then, in some things, parents should learn to let their children take responsibility for it themselves, such as if they have a quarrel with other children, they should apologize by themselves.
When a child can take on his own responsibilities, he will not always make excuses.
Written at the end
Educating children is a long process, but if parents understand the children's psychological development laws, they can find the corresponding parenting plan.
For example, what we mentioned today, if a child likes to make excuses, it means that he has a strong psychological defense mechanism for the outside world, and it also means that he is easily nervous about mistakes and setbacks.
So, if you want to guide and educate your children correctly, parents should pay attention to their children's psychology.
Continue to pay attention to calling mothers and learn more about your children’s psychological knowledge.
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