Hello everyone, I am Guoma, the family education instructor. Divorce is a very normal thing in life. But, have divorced parents ever considered their children’s feelings? One of Guoma’s relatives is a teacher. The divorce rate of the children’s parents in their class is really ve

Hello everyone, I am family education instructor Guoma~

Divorce, a normal thing in life.

Just, have parents who divorced have ever considered their children’s feelings?

A relative of Guoma is a teacher. The divorce rate of the children's parents in their class is really very high. In the class of and 3, the divorce rate of the children's parents has reached 30%.

Teachers can clearly feel that children from divorced families are different from children from healthy families.

1 The boy went from being lively to autistic, and only experienced one divorce from his parents

This boy Lele was grown up by Guo's mother. Lele was from 1 to 10 years old, and Guo's mother was from 21 to 30 years old.

Lele is a little boy from our neighbor's house. He has been particularly naughty since he was a child. His parents work outside most of the time. Lele lives with his grandmother and has a good personality.

html when he was over 17 years old. Lele just went to elementary school and is very active in class . In the teacher's impression, Lele is a lively child, and it is very easy to drive the emotions of people around him, making the students happy too.

Teacher said: It’s worthy of being called Lele.

html when he was 18 years old, Lele's parents came back from another place to start a business. It was the happiest year for Lele in . But the good times didn’t last long. I lost money after starting a business for a year, and I was cheated by my relatives.

html When we were 19 years old, we often heard the noise of the neighbors' homes in . Then, my father went out to work and my mother stayed at home. Lele this year was not happy. Even though her parents were not together, they often quarreled on the phone. Finally, after more than half a year of quarrel, my parents divorced.

Teacher said: Lele's emotions are getting worse day by day, and you will never be happy again.

0 years old . Lele sometimes doesn’t say a word in school all day, and the teacher is powerless. Once, the teacher decided to visit Lele's home. When he arrived at Lele's home, the teacher communicated with his grandmother. At the end, the teacher saw Lele's forehead and neck sweating. However, it was late autumn at that time, the weather was very cold, and Lele didn't wear much.

Regarding Lele's change, the teacher talked to his guardian's mother once, and 's mother only said: He hasn't adapted yet, it will be fine after a while. Will

really be good? Children like

are not an isolated case, especially in divorced families. The teacher said: "I can change the children's learning, but I can't change their family." What a helpless sentence.

2 Children from divorced families are prone to emotional development. 6 stages of emotional development

Not only Lele's mother, but many people know that divorce has a very big impact on children. But in the same way, they also feel that this impact is temporary. Over time, the child will always recover slowly. Is

really like this? Parents might as well take a look at the children from divorced families with 6 stages that are prone to emotional development.

Stage 1: Lack of a sense of security

Most adults will experience the "quarrel" stage when adults are quarreling, their children are actually very frightened. Especially when some adults quarrel, they mention divorce, and the child will ask themselves: "What should I do in the future?"

The child instantly lacks a sense of belonging , thinking that parents don't want themselves anymore, their home is broken, and they have nowhere to go. This kind of uneasiness is actually the child’s lack of security, which makes the child feel inferior and anxious.

Stage 2: Negative emotions full of pain and anger

Parents are divorced and about to divorce. In fact, it is not only the parents who suffer, but also the children.

In the eyes of parents, divorce is caused by the fault of one party or some specific problems, but children will blame their parents' faults on themselves, thinking that it is caused by problems such as disobedient and not studying seriously.

Therefore, in TV series, we often see children crying when their parents are making divorce: "Mom and Dad, don't divorce, I will be obedient in the future, study hard..."

This not only appears in TV series, but also in life. At this time, the child's heart is very painful and sad , and he wants to change a family with his own obedience.

But most of the time, the child's strength is not enough to retain a family. When the divorce of parents becomes a foregone conclusion, the child's pain will turn into anger , and various rebellious behaviors that parents cannot understand .

stage 3: Blind and optimistic fantasy

After the divorce is a foregone conclusion, the child's heart may begin to comfort himself to make himself feel better, such as: after divorce, life may become better.

Because, in fact, children have had enough of the messy life at home, and this kind of life brings them fear.

Therefore, after their parents divorced, they lack judgment and do not know what they will face in the future. Their optimistic judgment of the future is often a blind optimistic fantasy.

Stage 4: Self-closing

Self-closing stage is the stage that neighbor's child Lele is experiencing.

Parents Divorce is actually a difficult thing for children , because once the word "single parent" is said, others' eyes change. If you are afraid of others' ridicule and ridicule, the child will gradually close the "door to his heart".

They refuse to communicate with others. They are inferior, sensitive, withdrawn, sad, and even suspect that others look down on themselves and become suspicious. Interpersonal relationship obstacles arise.

stage 5: Get out of

Parents get divorced. After the child's pain, sadness and anger accumulate to a certain level, they don't know how to resolve it, and no one can resolve it for the child. The child's choice may be very direct, that is, leave this sad place.

Running away from home is also a way for children to face the pain.

Stage 6: Regaining a new birth

For children under the age of 6, their concept of divorce is not very clear. At this time, as long as the family is accompanied in time, the child will accept the fact that parents divorce more quickly and can live a new life quickly.

However, for children with certain understanding and judgment, it is actually very difficult to think calmly and regain a new life. Although the first five stages may not happen, and the order of occurrence is different, if the child does not receive the correct guidance, education, etc. during this period, the chances of the child being reborn will be very small.

3 How to minimize the impact of divorce on children

sin is not as good as children.

In a failed marriage, as parents, they must take into account their children's emotions, otherwise it will be difficult for the children to enter the sixth stage of "rebirth".

Divorce has been unavoidable for harm to the child, so couples can only find ways to minimize the harm and impact of divorce on the child.

First of all, avoid children in disputes before divorce.

The moment the knife was placed on the neck was the most frightening. Because I never know whether to live or die in the next second.

Some parents had a very strong dispute before divorce, including emotional disputes, property disputes, etc. All of these disputes are telling the child that your parents’ relationship is broken and they are going to get divorced.

What children need to bear is the pain of waiting, and even these disputes will plant the shadow of fear of marriage in the children's hearts.

Avoiding children's disputes, at least, it can reduce some pain and panic.

Secondly, let the child know that his parents are divorced, just a different way of living.

Some children think that divorce is a great thing. Children who think this way will be even more injured.

But if parents tell their children that divorce is just a different way of living and that parents still love their children, then the children can get out of this unhappiness as quickly as possible.

Get together and part with your child, but never part with you. This is the best explanation for divorce.

Finally, after divorce, pay more attention to the child's emotions and behaviors.

Some parents grow up overnight after divorce because they think of as safe haven, there is no more.

Parents must pay attention to their children's emotions and behaviors in a timely manner. When there are abnormalities, they must provide timely guidance and guidance for their children. When the child relived love and slowly accepted the divorced life of his parents, the child could also slowly come out.

Message

Marriage is not easy, you need to cherish it all the time.

It is not easy for children. Parents should not hurt their children because of their unhappiness in their marriage.