Q:
Is love a talent or does it require the ability to learn acquired?
Chen Man:
Both are indispensable and complement each other.
No matter how talented people are, they need to learn trial and error through practice and practice, and it is often a talented person who has the ability to realize that they need to learn how to love better.
So, if you are worried about whether you will learn more because you have no talent, no matter how much you learn, then worry too much. Awareness of this alone is enough to prove that you have awakened.
talent + willingness to learn and improve is the real king combination.
First of all, when it comes to "loving your abilities", there are really some innate factors that affect you.
Cambridge psychologist Brian Little found in a 2014 study that different individuals showed different ways of dealing with external stimuli as early as infancy. And another forty-year tracking study shows that children who are more active in young children will still retain their extroverted personality traits even after they grow up.
That is to say, a part of our personality is indeed determined by genes and biological traits.
On the other hand, parents' early parenting methods will also subtly influence their children's personality.
has been fully cared for by parents since infancy. Children who are correctly guided by elders when they grow up will naturally grow more friendly, have a stable sense of security, and can gain value from their own beliefs without pleasing others.
was born in a happy family at the right time, which can be regarded as the "uterine lottery" mentioned by Buffett .
To sum up, there are indeed some people who are lucky enough to gain the talent of "love":
They are naturally outgoing and lively and willing to contact people;
They can sincerely open their hearts and make it easier to establish deep connections with their partners;
They have less psychological internal friction and do not have to waste their energy on dealing with inner conflicts;
...
is indeed much easier to establish intimate relationships with such people. They do not avoid contradictions and conflicts and are willing to communicate; they have a high level of self-esteem and believe that they deserve true love; they are willing to give, can get satisfaction from their efforts, and they are oversacrificing, and are self-deprecating...
However, being talented does not mean that they will be smooth sailing in love, nor does it mean that they cannot get happiness without talent.
After all, there are too many differences in people in the world. In a specific relationship, two specific people also need to go through the process to form a tacit understanding and understand the way they express love and give love to each other.
Being talent only means that you have a slightly higher efficiency and success rate, and not having talent means that you need to put in more effort to learn.
For example, if you want to say that a combination of talented and untalented finally gets married, I know that a couple.
The boy in this couple has been silly since childhood, with a big heart and an insensitive heart. This personality has also been cultivated by his parents. Their family is particularly in line with the popular concept of "slackening". They don't panic when they encounter anything, and they can solve the problem together with discussions and quantity. They rarely make a fuss about quarrels.
The boy caught up with his girlfriend after going to college. At first, he was attracted by the girl's personality. She was very rational, serious in doing things, and thoughtful in everything. He and the partner can be said to be two opposites.
It’s a pity that such personality does not complement each other, but instead brings a lot of trouble.
After the two confirmed their relationship, the boy discovered all kinds of abnormalities.
When the two of them were together, the girl's nerves were like a tight string, and she might collapse because of any sudden incident: she forgot to bring the necessary documents when she went out, and she had to hand over the homework, but the computer suddenly broke down. The counselor advanced the registration deadline but she missed the news... The "collapse" of
is literal.
According to the girl herself, even if it was a trivial matter afterwards, her heart beat down and the anxiety and powerlessness in that moment were like a mountain pressing on her head.
Sometimes, a word my boyfriend said accidentally will make her suddenly feel stressed:
He casually brought something up and didn't pack it up. If you want to help, the girl will subconsciously defend herself immediately.
"I want to use it there! Don't touch my things, I will blame me if I can't find them for a while!"
boy was inexplicably aggrieved: I haven't blamed you before?
The two had a lot of differences on this kind of problem at the beginning, which made them both physically and mentally exhausted.
However, they did not break up for it, but slowly got into it and became familiar with the trigger mechanism behind each other's behavior.
girl has lived in a family where she would be scolded by her mother because she had not worn her clothes and caught a cold. So she always subconsciously was in a defensive state in her intimate relationship and tried her best to do everything perfectly, because she subconsciously told her that if she didn't do this, she would be scolded and would lose the love and affirmation of others.
She easily treats other people's unintentional words as judgment and harshness, because this is how her experience has always been shaped by her.
However, the original family cannot determine a person's life. The vitality of the people who live in the present is enough to reverse the past experience.
After she talked frankly about her family background, her boyfriend also understood the reason for her anger and told her calmly that it was okay. He used practical actions to make the girl get used to it: Oh, it turns out that there is nothing wrong with making a mistake, it turns out that caring for a person does not have to be reflected by swearing...
Next time, he will say that this is too much place here.
The girl can only nod her head. I am busy now. Please help me move to the place you think is suitable.
The two people gradually established a new tacit understanding and interaction mechanism. Their different personalities no longer collide, but truly complement each other. The boys learned how to be cautious, and the girls also became more confident and relaxed.
In fact, many feelings in life are like this, rarely natural, and no matter how beautiful a love is, it will shine after both parties' thinking, making others envious.
No matter how talented people are, they are not people sitting at home. Love comes from heaven, and there is still giving, pain and regret, and there is bitterness and sweetness.
Even if you are a genius of love, learning harder will not harm you.
Talent and hard learning are never mutually exclusive. You can do addition or multiplication. How to do
depends on you.
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