Two-year-old Xuanxuan jumped into the house and jumped into the house. Her grandfather followed behind with a bag of snacks. When she saw her mother's unpleasant face, her grandfather hurriedly explained: "I will be unhappy if I don't buy her, and I have no choice." Qiqi's mother was brushing the 1-year-old Qiqi's teeth. Although she was able to cooperate with brushing her teeth obediently in the past, she reached the age of one year old who was full of self-awareness and was unwilling to even lie down. Qiqi now always struggles and cries when brushing her teeth. Grandma rushed into the room after hearing the sound: "Why do you always make him cry?" Eating less snacks and insisting on brushing your teeth is the right rule, but when the right rules will make your children unhappy, do we still need to persist?
High rules do not necessarily make people happy
As appropriate discipline and rules do not mean that everyone will accept it happily, and the same is true for adults. For example, many people don’t like the rule of going to work on time, and so do I. But we can all accept this rule because we can understand that Without this rule, many work cannot proceed smoothly. This is an appropriate rule, so we can willingly accept and abide by it even if we don’t like it.
Young children are usually self-centered. Delicious and fun are the most important. They do not understand that some of their behaviors are unhealthy, unsafe or hinder others. Once they are stopped, they will be unhappy and lose their temper. But They are learning discipline and rules in the boundaries set by parents, and gradually become reasonable . If parents do not guide them, they may always maintain the state of "I am happy the most important thing".
Apt rules make people feel more secure
In outpatient clinics, parents often worry that setting rules for their children will make their children too restrictive and insecure. In fact, the rules and freedom of are not contradictory. "Freedom with rules is called liveliness, and freedom without rules is called presumptuous" (Family Education) . Of course, we hope that children are lively and cute, but we do not want them to become "naughty children" that others call them presumptuous.
rules will not hurt the sense of security. On the contrary, appropriate rules make children feel more secure. American psychologist Dr. Dubson has such an image metaphor: "If there is a railing on the edge of a cliff, then people dare to look down on the railing because they will not be afraid of falling down. Railing is the boundary (rules) . Children who know the boundary will feel safe; on the contrary, children who have no boundary will feel safe because they do not know where the safety scale is."
What are the appropriate rules?
Ha, this is really not a simple question that can be answered. I recommend you to read the article by Chen Xin (What does the article link rule mean? How to implement the rule? ), which mentions that the rules must follow the rules of children's development. What are the rules of children's development? If you have time, take a look at the book "Overall Nursing" by Teacher Chen Xin.
What should I do if the child cries when executing the rules?
Many parents may know that they should treat their children's crying "gentle and firm", but in practice, they will become a "gentle stalemate". After saying it gently, they don't know what else to do when facing the children's crying. In the second half of this article, Teacher Chen Xin talked about the implementation of rules in detail (what does the rules mean by the article link ? How to implement rules? ), and how to reduce children's crying against rules. For example, through picture books, games, examples, etc., children can better understand the rules, and uses game-oriented and flexible methods to make children more willing to abide by the rules.
What should I do if my family is blamed?
The beginning of the two-year-old grandmother Xuanxuan rushed into the room after hearing the sound: "Why do you always make him cry?" At this time, as parents, we are easily brought into an identity of "inducing trouble", as if we did the wrong thing for the child to cry.
In fact, the reason why grandma tries her best to avoid letting children cry is that when children cry, is often because elders associate children's crying with some not necessarily related meanings . For example, children's crying means "the child is not well cared for", "adults are not responsible for raising children", "The child is crying very noisy, it makes people feel annoyed, it is just deliberately causing trouble for me", etc. What they actually hate is their inner interpretations behind the crying. As parents of children, we need to understand that children crying is not just these negative interpretations. Crying is a normal emotional expression for children and a lubricant for learning new skills. Facing the bad emotions of elders when children cry, it does not need to be a reason to give up educating children.
Be a parent who is not afraid of his children being unhappy
I am not saying that we should be a parent who deliberately makes his children unhappy regardless of their children's feelings. However, parents who are afraid that their children will be unhappy may try to avoid this emotion, such as not daring to adhere to the appropriate rules, for fear of making their children angry; they may also ignore their children's emotions, such as ignoring their children when they are unhappy, or giving some delicious and fun things to divert their children's attention; they may also suppress their children's emotions, such as accusing their children of not being unhappy. Be a parent who is not afraid of his or her unhappy. Discipline when it is time to discipline and understand the child when he or she is emotional. This is conducive to the healthy growth of the child. However, it is depressed that as the only parent in the family who is not afraid of his daughter being unhappy, when his daughter needs to be disciplined, everyone will unanimously say to me: "You go and get her done."
Author of this article: Zhong Le, Zhuo Zheng pediatrician
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