I am a disabled woman, 31 years old this year. These thirty years of my life have really experienced ups and downs and downs in my destiny. Fortunately, my life is very happy now because I have two lovely daughters and my husband has always been with me.
■Conveyor: Ali
(all the characters in the story are pseudonyms)
■Age: 32 years old
■Profession: Amateur singer
(I)
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Recently, I am fighting a lawsuit with my eldest daughter’s father. I want to use legal weapons to protect the legitimate rights and interests of my daughter and me, so that he who is irresponsible will be punished.
The reason why I want to sue him is that he hasn't seen the child for 12 years, nor has he made a phone call. At that time, we did not get the marriage certificate , so we could not get the birth certificate when the child was born, which led to the child's household registration being unable to be settled. It was not until this year that the child’s household registration matters were resolved. All of this is because of his irresponsibility, so I must seek justice for my children and give an explanation for myself.
To be honest, I have experienced so many things in the past 31 years of my life. My legs are congenital disability, and for this reason, I was abandoned by my biological parents at the moment of birth. Later, after many twists and turns, I was adopted by my later parents.
Fortunately, although I am physically disabled, my parents did not dislike me. They regard me as a treasure and have always loved me. This allows me to have a complete and loving home like other children.
Unfortunately, the good times didn't last long. When I was 13 years old, my father and mother separated because of their relationship. My father ran away from home, and only my mother and I were left at home. At that time, I was preparing to go to middle school. My academic performance was always very good and I also liked to go to school, but because of my father's departure, I could not continue to complete my studies and had to drop out of school and go home.
I spent two years at home, and my mother and I lived a very hard life. Even if you save money in your daily life, it will require expenses, but neither my mother nor I have any income.
I didn’t want my mother to suffer because of this, so I started my acting career with a singing and dancing troupe. I have loved singing since I was a child and my voice is also good. I can imitate shows and imitate some well-known singers, so I quickly gained the attention of my boss in the singing and dancing troupe. Although my salary was not high at that time, I was particularly pleased that I could support my family. I feel that although I am physically disabled, I am not a useless person. I can support myself and my mother.
Later, my parents separated completely and they divorced. My mother later remarried and I lost my home. A little girl of fifteen or sixteen years old is at her innocent age. A girl of the same age is still acting coquettish in her parents' arms, but I have become a person with nothing and are disabled. I'm afraid no one can understand my mood at that time, and I can't describe it in words.
Without home, I continued to wander around with the singing and dancing troupe and participate in various performances. Fortunately, although my mother remarried, she did not abandon me because of this. Although she can't be with me, she has always cared about me and never left me.
(II)
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Later, while performing everywhere, I met my ex-boyfriend Yao Cheng, who is the father of my eldest daughter. At first, when he confessed to me, I didn't accept him because I knew my physical condition and was worried that his family would not agree. Because he is a healthy person.
But he is very kind to me, pursues me persistently, and promises to be nice to me for the rest of his life. I was too young and had never been in a relationship, so I believed his sweet words and vows.
After the second year of the Spring Festival, Yao Cheng and I returned to my hometown Luoyang , and two young people with no experience began to live together. Soon, I found out that I was pregnant and we discussed giving birth to the baby. But just when I was 5 months pregnant, suddenly one day, Yao Cheng's parents appeared in front of us.
When they saw that I was pregnant, they said they wanted to go home to prepare things for us to get married. His father left first, and when his mother left, he asked Yao Cheng to see her off.
He left for 12 years, and since then he has no trace and no news. Of course, this cannot be entirely blamed on his parents. If he had the will, nothing would stop him, and he would not ignore us mother and daughter for 12 years.
After Yao Cheng left, I counted the days every day and waited for him to come back with anticipation. I looked forward to it day by day, and was disappointed every day. When I realized that he could not come back, I felt that my sky had collapsed.
A girl with disabled legs, a girl who has just turned 18, has no home, but is pregnant, and has a belly getting older day by day, faces such a situation, the inner pain can be imagined. I really don’t want to recall those desperate days anymore. If I talk too much, I will only cry.
Due to my physical disability, I cannot undergo induced labor surgery. I don’t want my child anymore and I have to have a caesarean section. But the child in his belly can already move. It is my child, a life. I can't bear it, and I can't bear it. I decided to give birth to the child and raise the child no matter how hard it is. On November 4, I gave birth to my eldest daughter, and it should be said that I exchanged my eldest daughter for my life.
When I had the surgery, because I had no spine in my lower body, the anesthetics did not work and could only have local anesthesia. The operation began. I felt a cold scalpel slashing through my skin. Then the biting pain came. My heart almost stopped beating at that moment. It was really heartbreaking. It was a pain that was worse than death, but I endured it. I didn't shout or move during the entire operation.
I don’t have a healthy body, but I have backbone. My brain has always been extremely clear from taking out the child and suturing the wound. Those short 15 minutes were longer than 15 years for me.
(III)
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Then I was sent back to the ward. My mother asked me if it hurts, and I shook my head. When my mother saw my face pale, she couldn't help but shed tears. Mom said: "Child, if you feel pain, tell your mother." I still shook my head. My mother said again: "Say something!" It was not that I didn't want to speak at that time, but I didn't have the strength to speak, because the pain made me feel like I was about to die and I didn't have any strength at all.
The doctor said to my mother with great emotion: "I have had an operation for more than 20 years. I have never seen a girl as strong as this girl. She didn't even scream without using anesthetics. She just kept on the whole process without moving."
My mother then realized that the anesthetics would not work for me. She grabbed my hand and started crying. She said: "Child, you hurt, just say it and shout it out! Mom is by your side." I still shook my head. At that time, I didn’t want to worry my mother even more, because she had already paid too much for me, and I was just crying out for pain. Can my mother take care of me?
In fact, the deepest pain does not come from the body, but from the heart. During the week I was staying in the hospital, I had a fantasy that I hope Yao Cheng would suddenly appear at the door of the ward. When he left, the child was five months old. He should have known that the child was born.
I looked at the door countless times, and countless expectations were gone, and he did not appear from beginning to end. When I saw someone giving birth to a child, my husband, mother-in-law, other family members and relatives around the bed, I looked at me again, and my mother and I were alone in guarding my newborn child. At that moment, I finally shed tears.
After being discharged from the hospital, my mother stayed by my side to take care of me until the child passed the full month. Afterwards, my mother picked me up and my child to her current home. After my mother and dad divorced, they married my stepfather. My stepfather was very nice to us, just like his biological child, and he didn't dislike me and the child at all. The stepfather’s family has a son and a daughter, and we get along very well. Although we are not related by blood, we are all very close.
(IV)
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Mom helps me take care of my daughter at home. I followed my stepfather to do some small business in the market, and go out early and come back late every day.Later I started running summer classes to teach the children to dance and sing. Maybe I have the talent in this area. As long as the music sounds, I can immediately write the dance. I personally teach the movements on my hands, and I first teach the movements on my legs to a few students with good qualifications, and then ask them to teach other students. That summer, I took more than 100 students.
When I was running a dance class, I met my current husband when I went out to perform. He is my stepfather’s younger brother’s friend. He often helps me perform on-the-scenes performances, helps me to pull students and speakers. Over time, he gradually developed feelings for me. But I was hurt once and I also had a child, so I refused to accept him. But he was not discouraged at all. He was by my side and helped me and took care of me. He pursued me like this for two years.
I was moved by him, but when he mentioned this with his family, everyone in his family disagreed. For me, he had a quarrel with his family. Four years later, we went through many tests and finally got together. Of course, the process was hard to describe, and I don’t want to say more.
Because his family opposed it, we had to go back to my hometown together and leave our daughter with my mother. When we just got home, we didn’t even have food, and the only two bungalows were leaking.
My husband has two brothers at home and has never done farm work at home. He was only 21 years old at that time. At the beginning, the days were really hard. I had no money and no food at home. Later, I got a serious illness. In order to treat me, we spent all our money.
I remember that during the Spring Festival that year, we bought two cabbage trees and a pound of meat and made a meal of dumplings, even if it was the Chinese New Year. It feels too bitter and pitiful to think about it now, but I was still very happy at that time because my husband has always been with me. Maybe others can't understand the happiness after experiencing all kinds of setbacks. At that time, we had a very small old-fashioned color TV. While watching the Spring Festival Gala, I sang to my husband. Maybe this is how people are. The more bitter a life makes people stronger.
After the spring of that year, we planted the land in our hometown. If we don’t have money, we can spend less, and we won’t be able to eat without food. I can't go to the field in the distance, so I just do farm work in the field in the nearby field. We planted sesame , peanuts, and corn. He later went out to work and I took care of the family.
My husband has been working in the coal mine for more than a year and has to go out at five o'clock every morning, which is very hard. When he went to work, I went to the ground with crutches. I don't want to be idle at home, waiting for him to support me, I want to share the burden. My legs couldn't work hard, and when I got to the ground, I threw crutches into the ground, and started kneeling on the ground to work. Others work quickly, but they are slow. Others can break up two acres of corn a day, but I can break up one acre a day.
Later I gave birth to my little daughter because my legs were inconvenient and my child was sick. I was all vaccinated by my husband and I could not do the work in the coal mine. After we had our younger daughter, we took the eldest daughter from our mother and the family became four. Before his youngest daughter was three years old, he worked nearby, helping others build houses and move cement, and carrying dozens of tons of cement a day, which was particularly difficult.
(V)
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Now, our lives are getting better and better. Although we are not very rich, we can eat and drink and have nothing to lack. My house was built, I bought a refrigerator, installed an air conditioner, and bought a tricycle and a motorcycle. All of this was made by my husband and I bit by bit.
It seems very simple to say now. We have been together for nine years. Only we know the best how these nine years have passed. We also cried bitterly because of the hardships of life, but after we cried, we still have to live our lives.
To be honest, life is no matter how hard it is, I have never been afraid, and I have never thought of giving up because my husband is by my side. During these nine years of marriage, we have had quarrels, but we have never mentioned divorce or something. He never said it, nor did he let me say it.
After my youngest daughter was three years old, my husband started working far away and went home once every once in a while. My husband lives outside very frugal. His pocket money is only 200 yuan a month. He will keep every penny he spends. He smokes, but he is reluctant to buy expensive ones. I advised him to eat when you should eat when you should and drink when you should. Don’t be reluctant to let go and take care of your health. But he always said that you can eat well at home.
I really feel very happy and satisfied now. My eldest daughter is well-behaved and sensible. She will help me wash clothes and mop the floor when she is at home. Sometimes her father and I go to the field. When I come back, my child has already made the soup and bought steamed buns, waiting for us to go home to cook. My youngest daughter loves singing and dancing, she is also good at coaxing people, and her academic performance is also very good. She is still a little host at school.
I usually take care of two children at home and sometimes go out to perform on holidays. When I participated in the performance on New Year's Day this year, I sang a song to my husband on stage by Hawthorn Girls " Thank you for your hard work ". I have always had a dream that one day, I can appear on the stage of "Mama Mia" and sing this song to my husband in front of the audience across the country.
Marriage and Love Navigation
Ali is a woman with a physical disability, but she does not succumb to fate and eventually wins a sincere relationship. He cries with her, laughs with her, listens to her singing, and bears the burden of life for her.
There are often many healthy and beautiful women who say that love is far away. After reading Ali's story, should you reflect on yourself: Are you independent enough, strong enough, and do you have a brave heart when facing the cruel arrangement of fate? A good marriage and love must be spiritual mutual nourishment. Material prosperity is not happiness. Spiritual prosperity can inspire us to create a rich material life. This is how life is. Only those who have experienced suffering will cherish the happiness at present more. Life is like this, marriage is like this.
If you also have emotional experiences and want to talk and consult, please leave a private message in the background
■Text/Hebei Youth Daily reporter Pi Xueyan
■Editor/Pi Xueyan
Copyright belongs to Hebei Heqing Media Co., Ltd., and reprinting
may not be done without permission.-
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