In our memory, mother will always be the most special existence. She has given us life and is an important part of our lives. From birth to starting a family, mother has always been a "guide", burning herself to illuminate us. Because of this, mother and son have signed a lifelon

In our memory, mother will always be the most special existence.

She has given us life and is an important part of our lives. From birth to starting a family, mother has always been a "guide", burning herself to illuminate us.

Because of this, mother and son have signed a lifelong bond. We care about each other and care about each other. It seems that no one can live without the other.

However, as two independent individuals, even if we want to merge, we should have certain boundaries. Parents have their parents' destination, and children have their children's future. If the two are still intertwined without any "sense of proportion," conflicts will arise.

The pictures and pictures in this article are all from the Internet, and the pictures and texts have nothing to do with it.

Children who are too close to their mothers may not be successful when they grow up.

There is a saying: "All love in the world is for getting together, only the love of parents It’s for separation.”

There is no separation between mother and child, which is a breeding ground for “giant babies”.

There is a view in psychology, "Without separation, there is no growth." Experts believe that children who have never been separated from their mothers since childhood are likely to become "imbecile" in life.

When a child comes into the world barefoot and empty-handed, the mother gives her child all the love, allowing the child to believe in the world with a sense of security. In the early childhood stage, the mother is the child's only belief in life.

In this relationship, you two are in a "dependence relationship" , and the child needs to rely on the mother's care to survive. Mothers should take care of their children, eat, drink, and relieve their children, and eliminate dangers around them. This is the obligation and responsibility that a caregiver must fulfill.

However, as children grow up in , the "dependence relationship" no longer applies to , because children are already faced with leaving the family and embarking on a longer journey.

During this period, children have to experience storms and avoid ambushing "beasts" around them. They need to have basic independent survival abilities, the ability to identify danger, and the ability to think independently.

If at this time, the mother is still unwilling/reluctant/uneasy to let go, but still does everything for her children, in fact, they have lost the opportunity to grow up.

makes his mind stay in the stage of a child who is still in infancy and needs protection, and finally becomes a "giant baby" who will achieve nothing in the future and have difficulty in making a difference. Not only does it drag down oneself, but it also harms the baby.

There is no separation between mother and child, which is the "original sin" of the child's self-loathing.

A healthy relationship is one in which everyone has the right to say "no"; and a sound personality starts from saying "no" for the first time.

Even if there is a close mother-child relationship, children must be allowed to make their own choices and protect their privacy.

But in fact, the thinking of many mothers is "You are my child, so naturally you have to listen to me" and "Your life is given by me, you can't tell me anything."

still remembers meeting this kind of mother when she was working in education a few years ago. She suspected that her child had a little secret, and then privately read her son's diary and found that he had an admiration for a female classmate in the class.

As a result, the mother came to school and made a scene and scolded the female classmate. Her son blushed at the side and was angry but did not dare to refute his mother in public.

Later, I began to intervene to mediate the contradictions and rationally advised the mother that the diary was personal privacy and it was best not to open it without her permission. Moreover, it is unseemly to make a scene and easily leave a psychological shadow on the children.

As a result, the other party scolded me in the office for half an hour, and said plausibly: "I am his mother, you can watch it if you want, why do you, an outsider, have to interfere..."

I was defeated in the end, and I felt that I was not like her. Unable to communicate normally, this experience became the most unforgettable experience in my teaching career.

From the perspective of educational psychology, mothers and children are too close and have no sense of boundaries. This relationship often makes the children feel constrained at all times.

Their personal wishes are always suppressed, with no privacy or freedom. They are spread out naked in front of the mother, and they have to be shaped by the mother into what she wants her children to be.

This kind of repressed and suffocating love can easily cause children to develop a "self-loathing" mentality over time.

In addition, if some children have a good relationship with their mother since childhood and have been "brainwashed" by their mother's ideas, they will habitually obey their mother's opinions and will not dare to resist when they become adults.

It seems that as long as the child says "no" and sees the disappointed look on the mother's face, the child will feel guilty and feel as if he has made a big mistake. However, if the child listens to the mother, it will be difficult for the child to get over the hurdle in his heart. , and eventually there will be a strong sense of "self-disgust".

Love with a sense of boundaries is truly advanced love.

This is not only true for mothers, but also for fathers. We must learn to delegate power and maintain a sense of boundaries with our children. This is the best love for them.

I read a sentence in " Uncle Kai Storytelling", "The best state for parents and children is that you have your world and I have my life. We love each other but do not interfere or control. They also ask for too much. "

I think this sentence is a good explanation of the best way for parents and children to get along.

In fact, raising children is like "flying a kite". If the string is tightened too tightly, it will break, but if the string is tightened too loosely, the kite will not fly high or far.

Really smart parents know how to take things in and let them go sometimes, and educate their children in a relaxed and appropriate way.

For example, when children are young, they need their parents to "watch closely" to avoid losing their way and deviating from the correct channel; but when they grow up and can fly freely in the sky with the power of the wind, parents can "let go" Click" and let them respond to the call of the blue sky and white clouds. If they encounter obstacles during this period, pull the child back.

In this way, you can relax and your children won’t have to suffer, so why not?