Intensive Reading Mom: If you really love your children, you have less blows and more appreciation. Percussive education will never teach happy children.
Author: Shui Jingyu (intensive reading author of parents)
Recently I was watching the variety show " Daughters' Love", and I was impressed by _span_span. She loves romance very much, wants a sense of ritual, and even loves very humble.
The two are siblings, but seeing Li Shaminzi is exactly like taking care of his son. I want to give Lao Fan a surprise. Li Shaminzi is driving again and packing his luggage.
also arranges restaurants with music. As a result, Lao Fan not only doesn't appreciate it, but also all kinds of impatience, embarrassing his girlfriend in full view.
In the show, Li Shamin was even more sad and weeping, feeling that her boyfriend didn't love herself enough, and she was so sad that she bowed her head and cried. Lao Fan's response was not to comfort his girlfriend, but to leave the recording.
And in the recent program, Li Shayanzi finally bravely said her heart: "I know that many, many problems stem from my insecurity."
's father Li, who was sitting in the observation room at this time, said distressedly: "We have given her a persecution education since she was a child, and encourage very little."
Li Dad’s words,Aroused heated discussions among netizens:
netizen Ru Guo said: “This is how I was raised by my parents when I was a child, so I have been getting more and more inferior and less confident.”
netizens rejected Say: "I have been beaten by my mother since I was a child. It will only beat me and say some ugly things."
According to a survey: 75.6% of children have been beaten by their parents to varying degrees.
The formation of personality is always inseparable from the family.
" Individual Psychology" founder Adler wrote in the book " Personality Education for Children": Lucky people are cured by childhood, and unfortunate people live their lives. Are healing childhood.
- If you want to destroy a child quickly, you hit him hard
_ last year Way" soon appeared on the Weibo hot search.
Netizens said one after another: I feel sorry for Yang Yuchen.
What did Yang Shuo do in the show to cause public outrage?
's house selection is a traditional part of the program group of ", where are you going ", Yang Yuchen wants to choose number 5.
When asked by Yang Shuo why he chose room 5, the child smiled and said, "Because 5 is my lucky number", with longing and expectation on his immature face.
Just then, a basin of cold water from my father came oncoming: "That 5 is your lucky number, not my lucky number. I still want to choose number 1."
found number 5 When the house was the most remote house, Yang’s Strike started again on the road: “Aren’t you number 5 your lucky number, it’s great.”
finally reached Room 5. Yang Shuo asked Xiao Yuchen again on the roof: "What number do you choose next time?"
When Xiao Yuchen weakly said number 1, Yang Shuo blurted out: "Next time number 1 is the farthest." The harsh and stern facial expressions coupled with merciless mocking words can feel "suffocation" across the screen.
In the show, you can see Yang Shuo hitting children almost everywhere: the clothes are not sorted out, you have to fight; you need to fight when you walk;
walks slower than you are, you have to fight; folding clothes is slow, but also To be beaten...
And children, always look pitiful, they will never be recognized by their fathers,The grievance that has been hit by tricks!
Does Yang Shuo not love his son?
No, He loves very much, or the more he loves, the more unscrupulous. He believes that only by being strict with his son can he become a talent.
This is a typical Chinese-style strike education. In reality, many parents are making Yang Shuo’s mistakes. They regard "strike education" as their standard and think these verbal stimulations can be Stimulate children's fighting spirit and help them become talents.
But they didn't know that the parents' blow, like a poison, destroyed the child's self-confidence and cut off the child's potential.
As far as I can remember, my father has been hitting me: "Why are you so stupid, others can learn, as stupid as a pig", these are deeply imprinted in my heart.
When I grew up, I looked strong on the outside, but fragile on the inside. Whenever I do anything, I just want to satisfy my father and win recognition. I will never be relieved in my whole life.
Psychologists have found that if parents continue to beat their children, they will form a negative personality, develop an inferiority complex, introvert, and melancholy, and be afraid of getting along with others.
- What does a good education look like?
Know almost There is a hot topic on : How to deal with parents' percussive education?
has a high praise who said: "There is no percussion education,A blow is a blow, and the purpose of the blow may include education, but it more reflects the denial of children.
Many parents think that this kind of percussive education is "for the good of the child, afraid of him being proud" and "inspiring the child to become better."
Parents always mix negation and motivation in an attempt to make The child worked hard with anger and humiliation.
For children, the difference between percussion education and appreciation education is not just how the child feels after hearing it, but the longer-term impact is after the child becomes an adult.
American psychologists Rosenthal and Jacobson conducted an experiment on elementary school students from grades 1 to 6:
They selected 20% of the students in grades 1-6 and proceeded immediately. "Predict the future development" intelligence test, and tell the teacher that these students have great development potential, and ask the teacher not to tell the students.
Eight months later, the second intelligence test was conducted.
found that
This tendency, especially the expected students in the first and second grades, has a significant improvement in intelligence than other students. It is particularly prominent, and from the assessment of the teacher’s behavior and personality, it can be seen that these randomly selected students showed more adaptability, more attractiveness, and stronger curiosity. Professor ’s intelligence test is convinced,They believe that the students on the list are outstanding, and they unintentionally have expectations of these students. These expectations will be communicated to the students along with the teacher's expectations, questions, and body language.
That is to say, the teacher's behavior has shaped students invisibly, This is the famous Pygmalion effect, also known as the expectation effect of .
Later, people proposed appreciation education based on Pygmalion's theory.
In "Dear Little School Desk", Xu Jingkai is often hit by her mother, lacks self-confidence, even low self-esteem, refuses to perform in front of everyone, always accustomed to hiding herself in a small corner.
When Fu Seoul arrived, she began to appreciate Xu Jingkai. He was praised for speeding up his homework, his homework was improved, and the child's confidence was strengthened.
China's famous educator Tao Xingzhi said: " The whole secret of educating children lies in believing and liberating children, believing in children, liberating children, first of all, we must appreciate children. 6 "
- smart parents learn to appreciate education p p _ul99 children need to appreciate the children:Just like plants need water.
- 45strong in the future Have a happy life
According to surveys, many parents don’t want to appreciate their children, but don’t appreciate them.
First of all, express appreciation must be specific and sincere.
Most of them are praise based on the process, they will not give up so easily when facing challenges.
Children’s abstract thinking is underdeveloped. When they receive the general term "obedient", they can only Vaguely judge whether the word is "good" or "bad."
Therefore, when parents express their appreciation, the description must be specific, such as: "You got up earlier than yesterday and made progress. Mom is really happy for you. ! I believe you will slowly get up on time. "
Children don’t understand everything. If parents just casually perfuse "You are great" without even looking at the child, it will definitely not work.
Only parents "sincerely appreciate it." "It’s what children are most willing to believe.
Secondly, discover the hidden shining points of the child and stimulate the child’s potential.
Recently, with the hot screening of the movie "Pipiru and Rusisi" , Zheng Yuanjie Teacher’s unique method of educating children has once again been on the hot search.
Zheng Yuanjie’s son 郑亚旗,He didn't like school since he was a child, and he didn't like the learning style of having to repeat a lot of exercises in order to improve his academic performance. Therefore, his academic performance was very average.
After six years of painful elementary school life, Zheng Yuanjie respected his son's wishes and decided not to let him go to school, but to stay at home and teach by himself.
In the process, Zheng Yuanjie discovered his son’s creative talent:
Zheng Yaqi persuaded Zheng Yuanjie to publish a comic book version of fairy tales when he was 15 years old, helped Zheng Yuanjie open a personal website when he was 17 years old, and convinced Zheng Yuanjie to start "Pi" when he was 22 years old. "Piru Picture Album" laid the foundation for putting my father's works on the screen.
Peking University Professor Ding Yanqing once said: "Every child has a unique place, and even has something to do with others. Parents can’t look at their children on a single scale. They should be good at discovering other advantages of their children. Find a path that suits him best to assist him and encourage him."
Finally, parents learn to appreciate their children in front of everyone.
My friend Ma’s daughter, with excellent grades, confident and lively, I asked her: "What is your educational secret? Let me learn it too."
Ma said with a smile: " strong45 spanstrong6span The most effective way is to praise the child in front of the child.
In this way, the child will realize that my mother really thinks I am obedient, so she often praises me; on the other hand,The child has "face" in front of everyone and realizes the benefits of "being well". This sense of accomplishment becomes a driving force for progress.
So, when others praise your child, please accept it boldly, and learn to praise the child in front of everyone.
Dr. James Dobson of the United States once said:
"There are many ways to make children lose their self-esteem, but helping children build self-esteem is slow and difficult. During the process, don’t hit the child too much, protect the child’s self-esteem, and learn to respect the child. "
If you truly love your children, you will have less blows and more appreciation. Percussive education will never teach a happy child.
hope that every child can be treated kindly by his parents in the future
About the author: Shui Jingyu, the author of the intensive reading column of his parents, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, unauthorized reproduction is not allowed, infringement must be punished
Note ：The image source network of this article, if there is any infringement, please contact delete
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