, as a parent, have you ever had the following behaviors like this:
yelling at the child;
condemned or even cursed the child; Or communicate with the child in an angry tone?
to point to the child;
......
42% of mothers who have used and 145% of the fathers have used within one year. Way to attack the child.
circulated on the Internet with a piece
not when the mother Cizi Xiao
homework on a deserted homework
Woo yells, scolds and teaches
I want to tear up the rhythm of homework in every minute
can be described as _1span3span _1span1 second spanOne second later, my mother
Just the day before yesterday, a father was so angry that his chin was dislocated because he was tutoring his child to learn, and the scene in which he was depressed and went to the doctor at night attracted the attention of netizens. The mother who took the video said that that night when his father helped her daughter to study, the girl's failure to open up his body caused him to be too emotional, and he was directly "his chin dropped" by anger. Netizen: I understand it too much!
Don't tell me, this dislocated because of tutoring children. 's dad is just a microcosm of the self-help tutoring of many parents.
Have you ever thought about treating children's homework in another way?
In many cases, it is not a matter of homework or efficiency. In the final analysis, it is a question of method.
A common phenomenon that exists in the family scene. But what is behind it? How to improve the plight of parent-child conflict?
Ms. Nicola Schmidt, a German child education expert and consultant of the German Child Protection Association, described her method of education in her book "Non-violent Discipline". Tell the parents that there are other ways to discipline their children. Parents can express their thoughts clearly,At the same time maintain sympathy and care for the child. The creative conflict resolution suggestions, the knack for relieving family emotional stress, and the exercises of self-emotion management mentioned in this book will help parents to better raise their children in a way that conforms to people's natural instincts.
01
parents too much pressure, under the "mood" of the outbreak of the fuse
in involution normalized background , Most parents are facing constant pressure: In a survey conducted by the Hong Kong Institute of Family Education in 2019, there is a family stress index that allows parents to score between 1-5 points, and 71.2% of parents score 3-5 points Feel the pressure of the family from time to time, and more than 20% of parents feel great pressure at 4-5 minutes.
It can be seen that perhaps the parent's emotional control is not in the child's behavior, but just because of brain fatigue and too much pressure, which leads to "emotional" outbreaks. At this time, the emotional changes of the parents may become the fuse of the children's emotional changes. Therefore, in order to make children feel better, parents should first control their emotions.
Many times, our parents' emotions are also easily affected by the outside world. At this time, parents should try to relieve their bad emotions.
or talk with family and friends; or distract attention in some way; or vent your bad emotions through physical exercise.
When parents are in a good mood to communicate with their children, they will not bring negative emotions to their children, and their children will not be affected by these negative emotions.
A psychologist once said:
The emotional violence of parents is fatal to children.
He will affect the character and personality development of children throughout their lives.
The biggest tragedy of a family is that parents’ emotions require their children to pay for it.
As a parent, perhaps your unintentional words and deeds give your child the opportunity to learn for a lifetime.
No matter how good or bad, it is inherited by children.
02
Will parents’ emotions be transmitted to their children?
Nicola Schmidt emphasized: “When we allow ourselves to be under stress for a long time,Just like branding one's brain, it will have the same effect on a child's small brain. "
From the birth of a child, the parent’s pressure has a negative impact on him, that is, the child can feel the tension and anxiety of the parent. Of course, compared with other children, some children Innately highly sensitive and inherited the personality of their parents. However, children with mild temperaments often become picky and difficult to please in front of anxious parents. The pressure is passed on to the children. In addition, parents who are troubled by stress put too much energy on their troubles, thereby neglecting the children's emotions. When the children are unhappy, they do not comfort the children, and the left out children will become more Difficult to please.
When your child enters early childhood and kindergarten, once you are tired, you will become more impatient with him. Your impatience will make your child anxious. In turn, he The feeling of feeling will increase your stress. It can be seen that the transfer of stress from parents to children, and then from children to parents, quickly evolved into a vicious circle. Children think they are the cause of the unhappy parents. When they see their parents upset, they hide their feelings, or avoid their parents because of fear.
Research shows that children raised by calm and calm parents are usually less angry and are interacting with their peers.
So next time you want to blame your child, listen to Nicola Schmidt’s advice,Replace with the following three "minimalist" rules:
Rule 1: Keep calm
When parents get angry, their vision will be narrow. Thinking will decline, and their decisions will be biased. Children will unconsciously take over the "relay baton" of negative emotions, causing tension in the whole family.
Rule 2: Maintain communication
Denmark family therapist Jasper said: "They have no experience," Parents should see and affirm their children's abilities and teach relevant experiences, all of which need to be based on communication.
Rule 3: Provide solutions for children
Punishment is the wrong choice in solving the problem of children's explicit behavior. Therefore, parents may wish to provide better solutions for their children after completing their emotional iterations. The occasional "downtime" doesn't have to be harsh on yourself. After all, education can never be "one step in place".
03
games,It is the most effective way of parent-child communication
In a questionnaire for children aged 6-12, their satisfaction with life and their parents was investigated: about 90% of the children answered that they are the world The best parents in the world.
When asked what they most want from their parents, the first question is "Want to spend more time with their parents". In addition to the length of the company, high-quality company may be more critical.
However, in many families, parents still adhere to the traditional concept of "I say you listen", which leads to communication difficulties between many parents and children.
To some extent, games are definitely one of the best choices to achieve a good parent-child relationship.
Games are children’s first language and a bridge between parent and child. We want to better communicate with children and enter the children's world. In fact, the best way is to develop your own play skills and talk to him from a child's perspective.
McGonigal told us that gamification can shape a positive future for mankind. So,How to establish a close connection between parents and children through games?
Parents can understand children's emotions (I know how you feel)-through caring (you look sad, hug)-also through games (let us play together). Not all games contain a lot of meaning, but generally, all games are more meaningful than we think. Games are a way for children to try adult characters and skills, just like young lions learn survival skills from battle. The difference is that children in the human world not only learn to fight with each other, but also learn to live in harmony.
As parents,
The era requires us to constantly improve our self-cultivation.
chant one hundred times a day silently
"natural", "not angry", "be gentle" and "span3span1 1 _span3, while using strong" Violent Discipline" Add a buf to yourself~
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