During this period of time, the "double reduction" policy has subverted many parents' perceptions and caused them a lot of confusion.
Parents are often in conflict.
Is the child’s "happiness" important or "success" important? Should we support "Lying Flat" or continue to " chicken baby "?
This article shared with you today answers this question very well. It gives a "happy and successful childhood" "golden formula" 1s _strong36 .
Hope this article will cause you to think differently.
Let’s take a look at a documentary about life in the UK recently. Let’s take a look at
img0span Child,Call He Jiajin.
When I was 11 years old, I participated in the famous British "Genius Children" program and became famous in the first battle. After understanding, he is also very comprehensive, playing the violin, piano, and even football very well. It can be said that he is a perfect "child of other people".
In "Hello, Future Mankind", we learned that there is a tiger mother added: I think the progress of the school is too slow, and give my son a separate lesson schedule. Study with your son to guide and check his studies.
Tsinghua University 's Fortune Technology Lab did a test for Jiajin.
The test shows that the spatial perception and working memory ability of home entry have reached the top level, and the math ability and imagination have also reached excellent, almost a child without any shortcomings.
But at the same time, the tension on the subconscious level of the home has also reached the top.
Actually, Jiajin has shown signs of anxiety since she was very young.Until now, this problem has not been corrected.
Seeing the story of home improvement, I will inevitably want to talk about this old topic: _span0 span1 _
_span1 _span3p _span1 Are the two destined to not have both?
This reminds me of the book "Childhood, the Source of Happiness in Life: Ways to Cultivate Optimism", the author is a famous American child psychologist Edward Ha Lowell.
Edward gave a formula for building "happy and successful" childhood: happy and successful childhood = connection + play + practice + mastery + identification.
When I saw this equation, I thought it was very enlightening.
Edward believes that to create a happy and happy childhood, five elements are indispensable.
link: parachute love
Edward said: " happy adult Relying on two important skills : The ability to deal with adversity and the ability to create eternal happiness. "And these skills are not innate, but the result of learning.
If a child experiences a strong sense of connection in the early stages of growth, then he develops what Eric Erickson calls "basic trust" . This is the best gift a parent can give to a child, and it is a psychological support for the child to be able to gain a foothold in society.
Children with a sense of connection are not only easier to achieve success, but also enjoy the fun of success. He will remain optimistic,I am immune to depression and have a sense of security. I believe that life is always full of hope.
For example, asking a child about his performance at school and praising him for good behavior is much better than the children taught by the indifferent parents.
To build a connected childhood, first needs unconditional love from parents. This is the most critical element.
The true connection is unconditional love.
and unconditional love is:
- li2853li_strong _strong 11span_strong 36 You allow your children to fail, allow them to be imperfect, allow them to be inferior to others in certain aspects, rather than fully blossom;
- Your love, attitude and evaluation of your children, will not change because of the results
- span3span ;
- you know children, will not impose high demands on them that they cannot meet ;
- You are willing to see what children are like, and _span ;
- You respect your child’s choice, let him work hard for what he likes and 285 Between has smooth emotional communication .
Play: Has the magic of releasing pressure
Why do kids learn a lot of things? Why do some children become anxious and suffering because of too much pressure?
The mystery is in play.
Edward said: Don’t underestimate the importance of play. Children play freely on their own or with their partners. It is the most important “work” for children, far more important than getting a high score in the exam.
Take home as an example. His schedule is very full. Although it seems to be cultural and sports entertainment (study, violin, piano, rugby...), but in fact All activities are utilitarian and need to compete for winning or losing. There is no one that can be completely pressured to "play".
And children need to be blank and need enough playing time. This play is not something arranged by parents, but something that can really allow them to hedge their pressure and want to play.
Play can cultivate imagination. We draw blueprints in the illusion of play to strengthen our beliefs. A child with rich imagination will not be easy to crush his dreams when he grows up.
Playing with peers can help children learn to work with others to solve problems together.
Playing on your own can also exercise your child's problem-solving ability, and at the same time allow your child to learn to be alone.
Play also teaches children to endure frustration. When children fail to build blocks or fall off a bicycle, they will slowly develop the courage to accept failure.
Exercise: Improve the sense of accomplishment
, we all know the importance of exercisesBut how do we know?
is of course a sense of accomplishment through trial, failure, practice, proficiency, and experience. Children who are playing quickly understand the importance of practice.
Believe it or not, the most important and specific way for parents to help their children develop the "I can do" and "I want to do" attitudes is to let the children do housework. This is the magical power of the exercise itself. Every time you finish housework and look at a clean home, you will feel good and still have a sense of accomplishment.
So practice is the first step to mastery and success.
Many exercises are very hard. First of all, parents should not feel that the exercises are painful, and don't pass the fear and anxiety of the exercises to the children.
is to let children understand that hard practice is the only way to become proficient, and help them experience the wonderful feeling of mastering something. This needs to start with small things, wear socks, use scissors, peel an egg, step by step to mathematics, physics, and playing the piano.
However, if you muster the courage to keep practicing, you will eventually improve until you enter the fourth step-mastery.
span 1span strong The joy brought by a certain skill, he couldn't help but cheer: "I did it!" "Now I understand!" "Wow,marvelous! "There is nothing more exciting than this. Once we have tasted this, we can't wait to do it again.
The root of self-esteem is not in praise, but in mastery.
When a child has mastered a skill that he did not know before, such as riding a bicycle, playing the piano, or playing a certain game, his self-esteem will naturally increase, whether he has it or not. Get compliments from others.
Through "practice", achieve "mastery", and finally obtain "self-identity", so that children can obtain real 1 _strong strong happiness. These three elements are things that create a happy childhood and a happy life.
Identity: Get belonging,Make the connection closer
Children’s recognition and recognition are as important as self-identification.
Alice Miller mentioned in her book " The Tragedy of Gifted Children " that many children, especially sensitive and sensible children, tend to do things in order to please others, rather than out of his heart.
Over time, the child suppresses himself, even when he grows up he cannot know himself.
For example, the director of the program has the opportunity to experience a cutting-edge science in a university laboratory.
When communicating with the course consultant alone, Jia Jin said that his most interesting subject is programming. My mother's reaction to this was: I never heard him say it.
But in the end, under the invisible pressure of her mother, Jiajin chose to experience medicine.
There is a detail in it. After deciding to choose medicine, I picked up a pack of napkins and threw it on the table. I was disappointed, like a silent protest.
This is the state of home advancement. He lives in the expectation of his mother and does everything for one purpose, which is to please his parents.
Mom must love her son very very much.She seems to be very close to her child, but in fact she doesn't know her son at all, and there is a big problem in the connection between them.
Play, connect, practice, master, and identify the five steps in a logical chain.
"Happy and successful" childhood formula is a magic formula.
When you are at a loss as to whether the baby chicken is still free, or when you feel that your child's condition is not right, you might as well look for the answer.
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