seems to be cursed. The more reluctant parents are for their children's shortcomings, the more their children will develop in that direction! Why is ?
We can put things aside, do a small test . Let the people around you cooperate. You close your eyes.
The other party said: " don't think about that apple. " What did you think of?
The other party said: " don't think about that big apple. " What do you think of?
The other party said: " don't think about that big red apple. " What do you think of?
You will follow the other person's words and think of apples, then a big apple, and finally a big red apple. The "don't" emphasized by has been automatically blocked by our brain. Why is ? Because our brain tends to remember more detailed words, rather than simple negative commands.
I believe everyone has heard of the famous story "Blue Beard" in Grimm's fairy tales. Blue Beard has married several wives, but the whereabouts of them are unknown, so the people around him no longer marry their daughters to him. He eventually persuaded a family with two daughters to attend the dance he held in his castle. The castle is very gorgeous, and finally a daughter of this family decides to marry Blue Beard. Blue beard is very good to this girl after marriage. One day when he was going to go far, Blue Beard specifically instructed that other rooms can be entered and exited at will, but the smallest room under the castle must not be opened. It was the words before leaving that aroused the girl's curiosity, and finally she opened the room and found that Blue Beard's former wives were all killed in this room. The story of
tells us, if you don't want to let one person do one thing, don't emphasize it. The more emphasis on , the more curiosity it can arouse people's curiosity, and eventually make things go in the direction you don't want.
Therefore, the less we want our children to have shortcomings, the more the children will develop in that direction. Because we always remind children of these shortcomings in our daily lives. "Don't dawdle", the child got more and more dawdling. You are a drolling child, and the child turned out to be a drolling child. This behavior of belongs to “labeling” children in child psychology.
If we compare feedback from the outside world to a mirror, then in all mirrors, there is a side that has a huge influence on people, and this mirror is called authority. For children, parents are their greatest authority. All the evaluations of parents on their children, the labels that parents put on their children, are the children who see themselves in the mirror. Since
is labeled with a negative label, it is so destructive. So how do we get children out of the label? Below, we share 6 ways to get rid of the label.
First, look for opportunities to let children see a brand new self.
Don't put various labels on children because they do not meet their expectations. If you label a child as "stubborn", he will start to think he is very stubborn; if you think a child is selfish, his performance in daily life will be selfish. Each child has a unique temperament type, as well as his own personality characteristics. As a parent, we must be good at discovering the children's shining points and magnifying them, looking for various opportunities to let the children see a brand new self.
Second, create opportunities for children to look at themselves differently.
Parents can deliberately ask their children to help do some things, or ask their children to help them with ideas and ways, so that their children can experience a sense of accomplishment and value from doing things successfully. In the process of growing up, children will inevitably encounter various difficulties and frustrations, and they will also have negative emotions due to these unsatisfactory experiences or feelings, and even deny themselves. This parent needs to give the child great encouragement, so that the child can come out of the negative emotions and re-establish self-confidence.
Third, let children overhear your positive comments on them.
Parents can inadvertently express positive comments about their children in chats with others, and let the children hear them.
children like to encourage and praise, they are eager to get affirmation and recognition from others, especially their parents. For example, when chatting with friends, what some kids didThese positive actions make you feel very happy and moved. These evaluations are very positive for children to rebuild their self-confidence and self-understanding.
fourth, lead by example.
Parents are their children's first teachers, and they are also their children's best and most direct role models. The words and deeds of parents in their daily behaviors are not only the object of children's imitation, but also the standard that children refer to. Therefore, parents expect their children to have good behaviors and outstanding character qualities, and they must do it first.
The influence of parents on children's ears and eyes is far more profound than preaching, and it can be learned by children without knowing it. Qualified parents grow up with their children and make progress together. When he encounters these situations next time, the parents' performance is the standard that the child refers to. This is the important thing to lead by example.
Fifth, remember those special moments of the child.
Every child will leave us with many impressive memories as they grow up. Remember these beautiful moments, and share them with the children at the right time, so that these past memories are not just the beautiful things in growth. In an instant, it is a positive energy for growth.
These can let children know themselves clearly and comprehensively, understand the past self, perfect the present self, and look forward to the future self. The progress and growth of a child is inseparable from past experiences and is also closely related to current efforts. Let these special moments of growth become precious treasures in children's memories.
Sixth, when children behave in the original way, express the feelings and expectations of parents.
When the child acts in the original way again, instead of accusing and criticizing, it is to say how you feel about the matter, such as "I think" and "I don't like", so that the child can understand the impact of his behavior on you , And then state your expectations, such as "I hope" and "I will be very happy if you do this", so that the child can know what he can do to meet your expectations.
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