Short-haired girl must delete if infringement
Happy people will be cured by childhood throughout their lives, and unfortunate people will use their lives to cure childhood!
Some time ago, I chatted with my friends, and as I talked about my original family.
She said she didn't know what native family was before, and she didn't know that the native family had such a great impact on people. It was not until she kept choosing a partner that she realized that she was deeply affected.
At that time, I heard from my friends about my original family, and I felt deeply because I also particularly agree with the impact of the original family on a person.
In a shallow sense, the original family will affect a person's personality, and in a deep sense, the original family can affect a person's life.
is like me. Since I was a child, I was particularly afraid of my parents quarrels. When I grew up, I especially hoped that my marriage would be warm and happy.
But things went against my wishes, The more I wanted a warm and happy marriage, but the quarrels accompanied my life like ghosts and shadows.
When I realized this, I was particularly anxious and in pain. I asked myself why I lived the most hated thing.
But at that time, I was very ignorant and didn’t know that I had problems. I only knew to blame my husband for not doing well and not doing enough. Especially, the more we thought so, the more we quarrel.
Until later, I kept reading, learning, and thinking from the perspective of others, and I saw the essence of marriage clearly.
The reason why a person's marriage has problems is actually not that a person's problem, but that there are problems with both parties.
Just like my parents, when I was very young, they easily quarreled over a trivial matter. I used to think it was my mother's problem.
often complains about my mother having a bad temper, but when I learned and changed positions, I realized that my father also had big problems.
Dad is relatively restrained, so he never says good to his mother in front of outsiders, nor does he protect his mother. When his mother gives everything for him, he never says heartwarming words, and he will feel it is natural.
, because I am not good at expressing myself, I never express my inner thoughts, I just keep giving, but I have paid too much.
will feel dissatisfied in my heart. I can still tolerate it at the beginning, but the accumulated negative emotions will increase, which will lead to my mother's temper becoming more and more irritable.
The reason why a woman loses control in marriage is often because she cannot get the other person's understanding and understanding.
The reason why a man loses control in marriage is often because he does not get the respect and recognition of the other party.
But they don’t realize it is each other’s problem, and they all think it is each other’s problem, so they are never willing to change themselves.
When I realized this, I began to understand my mother and forgive her for all her excessive behaviors. At the same time, I often told my father that my mother was not easy, and I often told her that her mother cared about him and cared about him.
allows him to give his mother psychological comfort. When his mother's efforts are accepted and recognized, I feel that my emotions have found an outlet.
Under the influence of their parents, children will subtly copy their parents' lives.
was also at that moment, I realized that where was my problem, my problem was that I regarded myself as my mother.
treats my husband as my father, so I also invisibly copied the appearance I don’t want or like the most in my marriage with my father and mother.
Psychologists say:
The more we resist what we are, the more we will attract what we will be. This is the subconscious mind and the law of attraction .
For example, if I want to break free from the influence of my original family, what I need to do is not resist, but to learn to accept first. Acceptance is equivalent to letting go of the past and accepting behaviors I think were dissatisfied with in the past.
For example, I understand my mother's helplessness, and my father's hard work and difficulty, and I know that they are not easy either.
When I did this, I also began to change the way and method of talking to my husband and began to try to think about things from my husband's perspective.
is no longer as angry as before, nor is it like before. When my husband does something wrong, he will criticize him or ask him to guess my thoughts.
I began to learn to express my feelings and needs. For example, during the holiday, I would tell him that during the holiday, you will not express your expression to your wife.
When my husband expressed his feelings, I affirmed and recognized my husband's behavior.
Because of my affirmation and recognition, my husband's self-esteem and sense of accomplishment are also full of. From then on, no matter what festival I have, my husband will remember to buy me a gift or send me a red envelope to express.
At the same time, in life, I have also begun to appreciate my husband's advantages and no longer focus on my husband's shortcomings, because once the shortcomings are enlarged, I cannot live a good life.
But if the advantages are enlarged, the result will be completely different. Just like a saying circulated on the Internet, makes a person often not a person's shortcomings, but a person's advantages.
It is also a truth for a person to want family happiness. When we only focus on each other's strengths, you will find that you have a good vision and a happy life.
But when you only focus on the other party’s shortcomings, you will feel that the other party is not good at anything, and your body and mind are full of shortcomings, and you will feel pain and regretful.
For example, when I pay attention to my husband's strengths, my husband also changed tremendously. He became more considerate and willing to contribute to this family.
Because of each other's changes, we rarely quarrel later. If there is a conflict, we will also tell the child that we have disagreements.
has no problem with her. When the child sees that we have the quota and quantity to solve the problem, he is no longer afraid of this and that, but does whatever he should do.
When I truly accept the past and look at my parents with a tolerant and considerate attitude, I see the difficulties and hard work in them.
was also at that moment, I was no longer obsessed with who was right and who was wrong, but tolerant and love. .
After I put it down, I gained good parent-child relationships and gender relationships, and also created a harmonious and loving family for the children.
A very popular passage on the Internet, if you don’t have a good native family, then create a happy native family for your children.
Speaking of this, I want to say that the original family is sometimes very harmful to us, but this kind of harm can be cured.
The best way to heal trauma from native families is not to rely on others, nor to indulge yourself, but to read more and adjust your mentality.
At the same time, consider things from the other party's perspective. Only in this way can we forgive others and let ourselves go. When we forgive others and let ourselves go, it is equivalent to us transforming into a butterfly.
So, we must understand that what takes us out of the trauma of our native family and heal us is not others, but a brand new self.
What do you think about this? Everyone is welcome to leave a message to discuss it.
Author introduction:
Tongxiu's mother talks about parenting. I am a post-90s mother who loves learning and growth. I like to record myself and children in the form of writing, and at the same time use stories to light up life. My wish is to live my life the way I like.
Short-haired girl must delete if infringement
